Surviving Separation

Olivia Beau - 25 Mar 19

Seven years ago my daughter and I left our home and life as we knew it and started over, just the two of us.  At the time I had recently separated, and with no guarantees took the bold step to move, intuitively feeling it was the right thing.

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The facts:

Please do read as facts, not opinions.

1. I have wished to be taken off the planet; to not be here anymore.

2. I considered fleetingly on more than one occasion how convenient it may be to just take care of that myself.

3. Having slept like a baby all my life (until I had a baby that is!) I didn’t sleep for months on end.  How I functioned I don’t know.  To this day, I believe that sleep deprivation is one of the most underrated harmful conditions for the human body to experience.

4. I’m sure there would be a hundred professionals who might label some of my dark states as ‘depressed’, but it simply wasn’t a label I felt necessary… (despite point No.1)

5. For the most part, I went through the early stages without the support of friends or family; my choice entirely as a reflection of my more private/introverted personality.

6. I went through this process with no more medication than chardonnay, peanut butter, Grey’s Anatomy, and Sleepeaze (I’m not sure Sleepeaze helped!).

7. Finally, I stumbled upon a few decisions that were my mainstay. I’m sharing below and believe they were ABSOLUTELY KEY to coming out the other side as I have.

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Surviving

Seven years ago, I didn’t have the consciousness I approach life with these days.  My internal landscape felt messy as I found myself living a life with no usual points of reference.  What I did at the time was done by someone muddling through, not someone giving their best insight to them self.

Exercise.
I made the decision to move daily knowing it would release endorphins – I figured I needed all help I could get.  Initially, this was THE singular thing I decided I could do to help myself, thinking ‘if I can just get out for a walk today I’ll have done something positive’.

Gratitude.
I was thankful for what I had.  At the time I wasn’t knowingly ‘practicing gratitude’ and it felt like I said the same things every single day! I now know that this simple habit was key to focusing my mind on what I had, not what I didn’t.

Help. 
Without a doubt, the greatest comfort I received was from books that explained me to myself in a profound way.  The Untethered Soul, The Seat of The Soul and The Power of Now were an absolute lifeline.

Staying Open.
I allowed for new life to be breathed into relationships particularly with family.  Being open is not something we incline to when going through the wringer. We want to close down, retreat and protect ourselves; hurting feels vulnerable. If you’re used to being your own person and find yourself leaning on the unconditional love of others, allow for it.

Boundaries.

I protected our airspace.  Not everyone has earned the right to speak into our lives even those with well-meaning intentions.  Similarly, not everyone is able to hold your gold or is able to deal with upset; these people are best not shared with.

Releasing.

I released my daughter to spend time with Dad, sending her off and welcoming her home without emotional clinging.  I chose not to tell her I was going to miss her, rather, encouraged her to have a good time.  When old enough, I explained my reasons for doing so; I never wanted her to grow up feeling responsible for my happiness or to feel bad for leaving.

If you want to read on, I detail, “Things I Struggled With” and “Things I’d Advise Myself In The Early Days” in the full post on THE BALANCE MENTOR

Should your path be similar to this at present,  I hope you find the strength for today. Don’t become overwhelmed with the bigger picture or the ways life doesn’t look like what you thought; focus on the present moment, and then the next…

With love ~ Olivia.

Olivia Beau

I help people restore Life Balance. Mother to one. Live in a beautiful part of the planet called Yorkshire.

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