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Teen Mum

1
When my youngest turned 5 I had this huge overwhelming sense of loss for my ‘babies’. I so enjoyed having little humans stuck to me like limpets. Okay so I did whinge a bit at the time, but once it was definitely over I felt sadness. Daddy (fun-time-frankie) was clearly their next target and there was total hero worship. I felt like I had been demoted to general duties and sometimes didn’t even feel that they recognised me!
To deal with this I ploughed myself into work and carried on with ‘general duties’! This worked fine for a while as I
SelfishMother.com
2
became myself again and gained an identity . ‘The boys’ had hero-Daddy to pat them on the back. However, it then became clear that no matter how much approval their hero gave them there was something a bit different they needed from me. Work/life balance had swung in completely the wrong direction and they needed me again (not just for general duties) but to ‘hang-off’. Not literally, but they needed someone to sound off too, go get ‘aggy’ with, to coach then into being a teen. I changed my job (still full-time) so I could be available a bit
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more, because I totally underestimated this part of being a mum!

Naively, I thought that my husband and I would have more time! “But you get more time when they are older?” Someone fleetingly said to me this week!

Whilst I don’t have to actually wash them or brush their teeth and I have to only cook one meal for all, there are some many things I just didn’t realise would happen!

When they are little you sign them up and take them so proudly because your little human is broadening their skills and making new friends. Then they get older!

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4
The times are later and longer and sometimes more than once a week! You may need to drive to the other side of the country for a match and you are still so proud. But you are tired! Still so very tired!

Evenings are gone and after returning from said activities on an evening at mostly 9pm and doing a full dats work, I just collapse on the sofa.

However for all the ranting and whinging and aggyness I love it. A few friends have just had babies and it’s lovely to see a family forming and building but I don’t now miss my limpets, I love my teens

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5
for all their grumpiness and all the other stuff that comes with them. I now get 1:1 time with them all, without another stuck to me. We have meaningful chats and proper discussions. I can see their opinions unfolding and they are forming the basis of their principles to become a rounded and informed young adult. It’s beautiful to watch. We are a TEAM and we have a group chat just for us. They are quite funny actually! Most importantly they still come for cuddles and still want me when they are poorly or upset. Daddy will still be hero and I still do
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‘general duties’ but they appreciate both the same. We get lots of time together as a family and that’s what matters. This time is precious and won’t last long.

I’ll just remind myself of this next time I get an email from school titled: Detention!

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- 23 Feb 19

When my youngest turned 5 I had this huge overwhelming sense of loss for my ‘babies’. I so enjoyed having little humans stuck to me like limpets. Okay so I did whinge a bit at the time, but once it was definitely over I felt sadness. Daddy (fun-time-frankie) was clearly their next target and there was total hero worship. I felt like I had been demoted to general duties and sometimes didn’t even feel that they recognised me!
To deal with this I ploughed myself into work and carried on with ‘general duties’! This worked fine for a while as I became myself again and gained an identity . ‘The boys’ had hero-Daddy to pat them on the back. However, it then became clear that no matter how much approval their hero gave them there was something a bit different they needed from me. Work/life balance had swung in completely the wrong direction and they needed me again (not just for general duties) but to ‘hang-off’. Not literally, but they needed someone to sound off too, go get ‘aggy’ with, to coach then into being a teen. I changed my job (still full-time) so I could be available a bit more, because I totally underestimated this part of being a mum!

Naively, I thought that my husband and I would have more time! “But you get more time when they are older?” Someone fleetingly said to me this week!

Whilst I don’t have to actually wash them or brush their teeth and I have to only cook one meal for all, there are some many things I just didn’t realise would happen!

When they are little you sign them up and take them so proudly because your little human is broadening their skills and making new friends. Then they get older! The times are later and longer and sometimes more than once a week! You may need to drive to the other side of the country for a match and you are still so proud. But you are tired! Still so very tired!

Evenings are gone and after returning from said activities on an evening at mostly 9pm and doing a full dats work, I just collapse on the sofa.

However for all the ranting and whinging and aggyness I love it. A few friends have just had babies and it’s lovely to see a family forming and building but I don’t now miss my limpets, I love my teens for all their grumpiness and all the other stuff that comes with them. I now get 1:1 time with them all, without another stuck to me. We have meaningful chats and proper discussions. I can see their opinions unfolding and they are forming the basis of their principles to become a rounded and informed young adult. It’s beautiful to watch. We are a TEAM and we have a group chat just for us. They are quite funny actually! Most importantly they still come for cuddles and still want me when they are poorly or upset. Daddy will still be hero and I still do ‘general duties’ but they appreciate both the same. We get lots of time together as a family and that’s what matters. This time is precious and won’t last long.

I’ll just remind myself of this next time I get an email from school titled: Detention!

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