Teenage Kicks (in the ’80s)

Anniki Sommerville - 18 Aug 16

Do any of the things on this list ring a bell?

Brother Beyond?

Curiosity Killed The Cat?

Coconut hair gel?

Grange Hill?

Impulse body spray?

Puffballs? Perms?

If you recognise these then you probably  ‘came of age’ in the late eighties. We didn’t quite get The Beatles or Rolling Stones. We didn’t get The Sex Pistols either – instead we had Pat Sharpe, Just 17 mag and serious girl crushes on Patsy Kensit.

I was never a cool teenager (but who is aside from the characters in John Hughes’ films) When I look at photos of that time, I look uncomfortable. My shoulders are hunched. I’m frowning. It’s easy to romanticise your teenage years- all that FREEDOM and IRRESPONSIBILITY but the truth is I was miserable. I filled my diaries with all this misery (some of the entries are funny and the alarming thing is I haven’t changed all that much).

My skin wasn’t great (I’d shaved my eyebrows off so had a permanent rash of spots around my eyes). The perm which I’d spent 6 months saving up for  (with my crappy job in a greengrocer’s) made me look silly. I was taller than all the other girls (apart from my best friend Amy) and the boys all seemed either tiny or GROWN UP MEN WITH DEEP VOICES.

I remember a house party where a group of boys (well men really) walked in and immediately remarked that I ‘looked like a bloke’. At that point I was struggling with my image somewhat and was wearing knee-length shorts, a tartan hair scrunchie (with half a tub of hair gel to scrape my perm off of my face) and burgundy Dr Martens. That comment sat with me for a long time. I never had that Patsy Kensit thing going on. And I was never going to be the beautiful butterfly like Molly Ringwald’s character in the closings scenes of ‘Pretty in Pink’.

Your teenage years are tough. Sometimes you think they’ll never end. I cried more back then than I have in the two and a half decades since. I cried from 1987-89 pretty much solid and only came up for air in 1990 when my eyebrows started to grow back.

Here are six things I would have told my teenage self that would have made life MUCH easier:

1. No one notices you as much as you think they do- one or two people might notice your terrible teenage physical defects but the VAST majority of people don’t notice you at all. They’re too busy worrying about their own bad perms/spots/chunky legs etc.
2. Your Mum is your friend– yes your Mum is annoying and constantly lectures you but she is actually RIGHT. It will take you many years to realise this but if you just listened to 30% of her advice you’d save yourself a HELL of a lot of grief. Believe me.
3. Patsy Kensit has bad days– yes she’s super cool and is in a film with David Bowie and has a gorgeous boyfriend (and is only 17!) but she has days when she worries that she has spots/looks like a bloke/isn’t going anywhere in life. All humans have problems. Even beautiful ones. The sooner you realise this, the better
4. Trying to ‘be cool’ is uncool– what’s cool is being yourself. That perm? The reason it isn’t cool is because you’re trying to be someone else (it’s also because your hair is too thick and it’s now risen up above your ears so you look like Leo Sayer- sorry but I need to be blunt). BEING YOU is cool! (this will take forty years so don’t sweat it)
5. Teenage boys  are generally pretty rubbish- this isn’t their fault. They have their own pressures. Being a young man is difficult. Didn’t you read Adrian Mole? Don’t expect too much. And don’t jack in your friends because they’ll be the ones who get you through it all in the end
6. Ben from ‘Curiosity Killed The Cat’ isn’t the solution- first you had a crush on John Taylor from Duran Duran and now it’s Ben. Okay he’s gorgeous but Ben isn’t perfect. Neither is John. Neither of them can save you ( your eyebrows will grow back – don’t worry)

You and you alone are in charge of your own destiny. That’s an exciting thought isn’t it?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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