TEENAGERS? BRING IT ON!

Natali Drake - 9 Dec 16

I’m a mum of two girls, so not a lot scares me anymore…yet that doesn’t stop everyone and anyone trying to put the fear of god into me at every opportunity.

When my children were babies and I complained about how hard being a mum was, people would love to say ‘Ha! Just you wait until they are toddlers!’ When they became toddlers and I would remark about how difficult they were, people would say ‘Ha! Just wait until they are bigger and answering you back!’ and now my girls have perfected sarcasm and the eye roll, people now blatantly laugh in my face and exclaim ‘Ha! You think THIS is bad? Just you wait until your girls are TEENAGERS!’

And that’s when I stop them.

Scaring me with the concept of sleepless nights, potty training, teething, tantrums, stroppy tweens and a life of sibling bickering is all well and good. All of that is utter shit. I know. But teenagers? Uh uh, they don’t scare me. In fact I can’t bloody wait until my girls are teenagers. Bring it on! I’m ready. I was born ready for teenagehood…

I know, I know, you think I’m crazy. No one likes teenagers, right? All those hormones and lack of control and drama? No thanks. Well I have a confession to make, I live inside the head of teenagers every day and I quite like it there.

As an author of Young Adult novels my books are aimed at girls in their late teens. I write about the heady worlds of passion, betrayal, friendships, family and a little sprinkling of magic. I write about teenage girls for teenager girls and I love it. This therefore means that I have to spend my days thinking like an eighteen year old, which according to my husband who has to deal with my erratic mood swings and immaturity on a daily basis, I do exceptionally well.

I don’t mean to wish away my little ones’ childhood years, but here are my five reasons why I think having teenager daughters is going to kick ass!

1. They don’t get out of bed
Parents of teenagers complain about this all the time. Hell, my own mum used to whine at me every lunchtime saying I was wasting the day staying in bed. Why? Bed is amazing! Last weekend I turned to my husband at 7am and whispered, ‘ooooh, we got a lie in!’. When the fuck was waking up before 9am a treat? But when I have teens they will stay in their stinking duvet cesspits all day and I won’t care. I will be able to go back to weekends being a luxury with no one appearing at my bedside whining before sunrise, enjoying breakfast in bed and I’ll finally get back to lazy Sunday morning sex. Yay.

2. They don’t want to talk to you
And people say this like it’s a bad thing. I love chatting to my kids but it’s relentless…if words were bullets I’d be dead before I opened my eyes in the morning. This is what having a conversation with my husband currently looks like:
Me: ‘So the bank manager said…’
Child: ‘Mummy’
Me: ‘Just a minute, darling…that we need to take out a fixed rate…’
Child: ‘Mummy! Mum.’
Me: ‘I’m just talking to Daddy, I’ll be with you in a minute….plan because the interest rates…’
Child: ‘Mummy. Mummy, mummy, MUMMY!’
Me: ‘What?!!’
Child: ‘My skirt has pockets’
So yeah, I’m over the ‘talking with my child thing’

3. They want to go out and do their own thing
You mean they can go to a party on their own and buy their own presents for their own friends with their own pocket money and get on a bus or drive and don’t want me cramping their style and I don’t have to do anything? Result.

4. They have passion
This is why I love writing for teens. Teenagers care, sometimes a bit too much. Whether it’s crushing on the latest boy band or becoming vegetarian (or being the best fangirls ever) they do it with passion and an intensity we lose as we get older. Who doesn’t envy teens for having a blank canvas of a future ahead of them that they get to scribble their own mark all over? As a creative person I get really excited about older kids expressing themselves, and even if I don’t agree at least they give it their all. Alternatively, if the teen just shrugs a lot and skulk off to sit in front on an iPad all day that’s cool too. At least they are quiet.

5. They don’t do PDAs
I hate public displays of affection. Of course I love to hug and kiss my  children, but not all the time. I’m not the kind of mum that insists on hand holding unless they are young enough to run under a car. I don’t do horsey rides and let them climb all over me and four in a bed sleeping arrangements. I like my space, preferably space without a foot in my face. So the idea of not having kids sitting on my lap while I’m on the loo is great. I may well cry the day I tell them that I love them and they turn their back on me…but I’m sure I’ll get over it on the weekend when the house is deafeningly quiet. And they won’t stay moody forever.

I understand how some mums really struggle with the transition from kiddy to teen. It’s hard to let go of your little hatchlings and watch them fly, it’s normal to want to do everything for them or keep your little’uns in their nest forever…but you know what’s so great about your children getting their own lives? You finally get yours back too!

So I’m glad that my job has given me an insight into the mind of teens and I can’t wait to have two of my own. There’s only one person I feel sorry for in all of this and that’s my husband – because when my girls hit their teens I will be hitting my menopause, poor bugger. Welcome to the House of Hormones, honey. Mwahahahaha.

Natali Drake

Natali Drake is an author, freelance writer and mother of two little girls. In 2015 she co-founded theglasshousegirls.com - an online magazine for women who say it how it is! Her work has appeared in our very own The Mother Book, as well as in various online magazines and UK newspapers. Her YA Fantasy Romance series 'The Path Keeper' (written under her pen name N J Simmonds) is now available to order at all good bookshops or visit njsimmonds.com

View profile for posts, events and more info