Teenagers: Handle with Care

Mrs R - 21 Aug 16

The funny thing about teenagers is that they can look like adults. They may sometimes look like adults, but appearances can be deceiving. They are not adults. They are not children either. They are teenagers, inhabiting the fraught no man’s land between the two and I have learnt that they need to be handled with care.

Easier said than done, I know.

(I was reduced to tears by a 15-year-old girl not so long ago…not my proudest moment).

That is the problem with teenagers and why they can be tricky to handle even for the most experienced parent, teacher, youth worker, etc.

I am not a particularly experienced parent, teacher or youth worker. My children are still in the baby and toddler category and I am still relatively early on in my teaching career.

I fully admit I have lost my temper with several teenagers (unleashing a tirade on sexist language after being called a ‘grumpy pregnant cow’ is just one example) but I have also listened to them when they are upset and angry and have come to the following conclusions:

1) They need to know they are loved.

This may seem obvious; everyone needs to know they are loved. There is a difference, however, between loving your angry hormonal and perhaps irrational offspring and making sure they know they are loved. I have taught teenagers who are not loved and it is heartbreaking.

2) They need to know you actually like them.

Liking your teenager is different to loving them and sometimes more difficult. Try your very best, even when they are being foul. If you, the one who produced them or chose to bring them into your life, don’t like them then it will be much harder for them to like themselves.

3) If you are their parent don’t settle for being their friend – they need you to be so much more.

I was surprised recently to hear a pupil explain that she was convinced her parents didn’t care because she was given no boundaries at all. Perhaps her parents thought they were giving her the freedom all teenagers crave but it was a very insecure young woman that sat in my classroom.

I have seen parents make decisions that are very unpopular with their children at the time. I have seen the resignation on their faces as they leave knowing the rage that will ensue once they get home. I have also heard their children (weeks, months or years later) admit that they are grateful for how their parents chose to guide them.

4) They want to be treated like adults but also cared for like children.

They are teenagers – allow them the best of both worlds for this short time in their lives. It will make a huge difference.

(Having said all this, what would I know? My children are babies and we’re all ‘winging it’ anyway).

Mrs R

Winging it at being a wife, mother and teacher.

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