Ten things I’ve learned during the first tweenage year

Carron Stacey - 10 Oct 17

These are ten things I’ve learned from my my actual Facebook posts during the last year, which was his first tweenage year.

1. You receive more random calls from the school. He’s kicked a post so hard he can’t walk. He’s kicked his shoe onto the roof so he can’t walk home.
2. Do not think that just because he walked with his arm around your neck on a family walk, that you can do the same to him later in that same walk.
3. When he’s playing out, don’t for a minute think that it means you’ll get a rest. Expect mate after mate after mate to turn up, even giggling girls on bikes. In fact just leave a note on the door.
4. Don’t under any circumstances talk to him, look at him or interact with him at the school disco. Especially if he’s talking to his girlfriend. (Thing is, my son hadn’t worked out that I was working the tuckshop!) Also, don’t do arm dancing (to Black Lace’s Superman) at the back of the tuck shop at the disco whilst in view of son’s girlfriend. Apparently it’s embarrassing. Who knew?
5. Don’t ever try to imitate them to be cool. You aren’t. When their teacher dabs or says “legit”, she gets a high five. I get eye rolls.
6. The threat of “Smile or I’ll tag you on Instagram” really works.
7. Odd questions during Sex Ed week – what would happen if you trans-gendered from a woman to a man while you were pregnant?
8. After they’ve overtaken you in height, don’t wear heels to become taller than them. (Until they overtake you again.)
9. Don’t under any circumstances sit behind his girlfriend in assembly where he performs with his rock band. (When she sat down in front of me, she put her hands in her head and went purple with embarrassment. Now honestly, am I that embarrassing?)
10. Don’t sing in front of him. It is totally acceptable for other adults to sing. Just not you. (Except if you’re singing The Darkness to his guitar practice.) Do not do the totally embarrassing thing that his dad and I do – sing a line in a sing before it comes up. Just to show how cool we are.

Carron Stacey

Carron Stacey, a late-40s mum who works in school to keep her sanity. Enjoys the beach and the humdrum things in life. Mum to a tweenie boy, living on the coast in the UK.

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