Mother Love

Daniella Matier - 11 May 15

My mum asked me the other day, ‘So, what top tip would you give your friends who might be having babies soon?’ Hmmm…a couple of basics ran through my head, get baby grows that do up at the front (why on earth are over the head and back fastening ones even in existence?!), don’t stress about using a dummy (you’ll be thankful), don’t be afraid to use the f-word (formula), but probably my best tip would be; ‘Don’t move too far away from your mum’. Ha, ha, we had a chuckle, but ladies, I’m telling you now, if you can, stay close.

It’s ironic, we spend those teenage years getting fed up with our parents, having a love-hate relationship with them, not listening to them, getting frustrated because ‘they just don’t get it’ and then BOOM, we have a baby and it’s our mum who we quickly hurry back to (because actually they really do get it) – and we’re all ears, desperately seeking help, reassurance, advice, sympathy and a lot of tea (in my case anyway).

Coming from a big, close family I always thought that when I had kids I would be a natural, that I’d be quite maternal and have a good instinct for this motherhood lark, but actually I found it a lot more difficult than I thought. Having Edie is without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

In the early days this really worried me, I would cry (a lot), I would question my ability, I was confused, I was scared, I was daunted, exhausted, and basically completely overwhelmed and in shock. Why was I finding this so difficult? If my mum could do it four times over then why can’t I? Becoming a new parent is a mental minefield, and like many, I had no idea if I was coming or going – just crying.

Somehow, we got through those initial weeks of craziness, I’m proud to say my husband was my absolute rock. But it was my mum during that time who really made a difference. She made me stop for a minute, sit down, take a breath, and tell me, ‘it’s ok’ and ‘this is normal’. So simple, but probably the most reassuring words I needed to hear.

As they say, it’s our mums that probably know us the best, and they understand what little things can make a huge difference, particularly when you become a parent for the first time yourself. My mum went out of her way to make these small things happen, but it got me through each day.

Things such as; making sure we had fresh bed sheets when we came from hospital, cooking us a big bowl of hot, tasty pasta our first night home (in her onesie!) after a tearful and desperate late night call out from me, delivering a can of Guinness (classy) and two Mars bars on her way to work one morning, ‘it’s good for your milk’ she said (random, but it went down a treat). Reassuring me it was ok if I wanted to stop breastfeeding (after I had an emotional breakdown on the bedroom floor) ‘you have to do what’s right for you’ she said. Driving me around in my car for the first few weeks (post c-sec) just to make sure Edie and I had a change of scenery and saw other humans.

You see, it’s not about big gestures and extravagant presents, it’s about clean sheets, chocolate and getting out of the house – that’s what keeps you sane. And the list certainly doesn’t start or end here, it’s a mere snapshot of what my mum has done for me in and around her own busy life.

Only now, becoming a mum myself do I really understand and appreciate all that she’s done over the years for our family. It’s ridiculously tough (and I’m only just approaching the seven-month mark), how my mum has done it for the last 32 years, 24/7, without a medal I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m very fortunate to be in this position. Not all people have the same relationship with their mum as I do, or have them so close by that they can be there at the drop of a hat. Some of my friends sadly don’t have their mums around anymore, something I can’t even begin to imagine, but can only admire their inner strength and their ‘get up and carry on’ attitude. Inspiring to say the least.

Wherever our mums are, they made us who we are today. It’s those small gestures and reassuring words of comfort that become some of the best memories and the most poignant.

Ultimately, this is a ‘big up’ to all us mums, for supporting each other, stepping in at times of need (at any time of day), making each other laugh and reminding ourselves that we’re all actually fairly normal, and yes we all are winging it, and yes a G&T at 5pm is not too early – ok!?

To the unsung hero in our family, I can’t thank her enough. A public thank you might seem a bit OTT, but hopefully she’ll finally get it and admit to herself that that’s she’s bloody ace and I couldn’t have done any of this without her.

Thanks Mum.

Daniella Matier

Daniella lives in Surbiton, Surrey, with her husband Karl, rescue dog Diva, and baby Edie. Before madam Edie arrived Daniella worked in Marketing, now she's just about coming up for air and having a go at writing.

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