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Recently something has started to irk me. And the more I hear it, the more I want to shout at the top of my voice, NOOO. Especially when I do it. That’s the worst of all.
The problem is that voice.
That annoying voice that us parents put on when talking to our kids.
You know the one I’m talking about: the patronising one.
For some of us this voice comes across all bright and sing-songy; for others it is v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w; and for others it is only delivered in the third person (”No Amalie, Mummy hasn’t been to the moon, don’t be
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silly!”). And things said in the annoying voice may well be followed with an equally annoying, patronising laugh.
I’ve heard the annoying voice in many places recently. I’ve heard it in the supermarket, in the playground, on the train and in cafes. The voice shrills out wherever you find middle-class parents; you’re definitely more likely to hear it in Waitrose, than Iceland for instance. And to me it sounds rather smug, as if we feel the need to flex our intellectual muscle against defenceless under 5s.
One thing is for sure: it is
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unnecessary.
You see, kids are super-learning-machines, and we should never patronise them when they get things a little skewed. Correct them, yes, but let’s not belittle their efforts.
Like any other toddler, my son Rafferty often says funny things or mispronouces words. But if he pronounces the word ’Ninja’ as ’Minge-a’ and if he asks questions like ”does my cousin Theo live on this planet?” or ”Why can’t we go on an aeroplane today?” why would I ever feel the need to answer him in a voice that a CBeebie’s presenter might use,
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instead of my normal voice, that I use for talking to adults? (Who, let’s be honest, sometimes deserve a CBeebie’s voice, but would probably slap me in the face for using it).
In his 3.5 years on earth, Rafferty has achieved the following: he has learnt to talk, form sentences, have conversations and how to be funny. He has learnt a basic grasp of the world at large, has developed a memory and is grasping the concept of time. He has learnt to walk and develop fine-motor-skills. And many more things… ALL FROM SCRATCH.
Pretty impressive,
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huh?
If, in the last 3 years I’d learned to speak Russian fluently (which, sadly I haven’t), I would be mightily perturbed if I attempted to joke with a Russian and they simply corrected my words in a silly voice and patted me on the head with an ’oh isn’t she amusing’ laugh.
Ditto if I’d learned a new skill… like gymnastics… or I’d mastered the basic geography of Africa (both of which I currently have no clue about) – I’d want everyone to give me the respect I’m due! By automatically putting on a patronising voice when talking to
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children renders what they are saying as silly, trivial or unimportant. When it is anything but.
Normal voices work just fine when talking to kids. FACT. I know this because I’ve been practising. For the last few weeks, I’ve worked fairly hard to eradicate all patronising lilt and unnecessary sing-song tone from my voice. Also, I have stopped using third person ’Mummy’ when ’I or me’ will do. And as a result I’ve found myself far less annoying!
So, join with me… let’s reserve our patronising parent voices for people who really deserve
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it… and I bet you that they’ll all be over the age of 5. Just be sure to duck before you get slapped in the face.
Read Molly’s other Selfish Mother posts here
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Molly Gunn - 22 Sep 14
Recently something has started to irk me. And the more I hear it, the more I want to shout at the top of my voice, NOOO. Especially when I do it. That’s the worst of all.
The problem is that voice.
That annoying voice that us parents put on when talking to our kids.
You know the one I’m talking about: the patronising one.
For some of us this voice comes across all bright and sing-songy; for others it is v-e-r-y-s-l-o-w; and for others it is only delivered in the third person (“No Amalie, Mummy hasn’t been to the moon, don’t be silly!”). And things said in the annoying voice may well be followed with an equally annoying, patronising laugh.
I’ve heard the annoying voice in many places recently. I’ve heard it in the supermarket, in the playground, on the train and in cafes. The voice shrills out wherever you find middle-class parents; you’re definitely more likely to hear it in Waitrose, than Iceland for instance. And to me it sounds rather smug, as if we feel the need to flex our intellectual muscle against defenceless under 5s.
One thing is for sure: it is unnecessary.
You see, kids are super-learning-machines, and we should never patronise them when they get things a little skewed. Correct them, yes, but let’s not belittle their efforts.
Like any other toddler, my son Rafferty often says funny things or mispronouces words. But if he pronounces the word ‘Ninja’ as ‘Minge-a’ and if he asks questions like “does my cousin Theo live on this planet?” or “Why can’t we go on an aeroplane today?” why would I ever feel the need to answer him in a voice that a CBeebie’s presenter might use, instead of my normal voice, that I use for talking to adults? (Who, let’s be honest, sometimes deserve a CBeebie’s voice, but would probably slap me in the face for using it).
In his 3.5 years on earth, Rafferty has achieved the following: he has learnt to talk, form sentences, have conversations and how to be funny. He has learnt a basic grasp of the world at large, has developed a memory and is grasping the concept of time. He has learnt to walk and develop fine-motor-skills. And many more things… ALL FROM SCRATCH.
Pretty impressive, huh?
If, in the last 3 years I’d learned to speak Russian fluently (which, sadly I haven’t), I would be mightily perturbed if I attempted to joke with a Russian and they simply corrected my words in a silly voice and patted me on the head with an ‘oh isn’t she amusing’ laugh.
Ditto if I’d learned a new skill… like gymnastics… or I’d mastered the basic geography of Africa (both of which I currently have no clue about) – I’d want everyone to give me the respect I’m due! By automatically putting on a patronising voice when talking to children renders what they are saying as silly, trivial or unimportant. When it is anything but.
Normal voices work just fine when talking to kids. FACT. I know this because I’ve been practising. For the last few weeks, I’ve worked fairly hard to eradicate all patronising lilt and unnecessary sing-song tone from my voice. Also, I have stopped using third person ‘Mummy’ when ‘I or me’ will do. And as a result I’ve found myself far less annoying!
So, join with me… let’s reserve our patronising parent voices for people who really deserve it… and I bet you that they’ll all be over the age of 5. Just be sure to duck before you get slapped in the face.
Read Molly’s other Selfish Mother posts here
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Molly Gunn is the Curator of Goodness at Selfish Mother, a site she created for likeminded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for publications including Red, Stella, Grazia, Net-A-Porter and ELLE. She now edits Selfish Mother and creates #GoodTees which are sold via TheFMLYStore.com and John Lewis and have so far raised £650K for charity. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 5, Fox, 3 and baby Liberty. Molly is married to Tom, aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live, work and play in Somerset.
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