1) Stick to the same shop. For me that’s Marks and Spencers. Yes I know you can get a whole outfit for under £3 in Lidl, but buying it in M&S gives me a sense of buying quality clothes, just for him to trash doing the splits in the music room or playing football in the playground. But you hope the child will grow with the sizes, so if you start in one shop, keep to it.

2) Pay extra for non-iron. Don’t believe easy-iron, it’s not. You can just shake them out of the machine, hang ’em up and Mark’s your uncle. They do flipping well work. Life is far too short to be ironing those little (or not so little now) shirts.

3) Don’t think that trousers need to be over the shoe. The tween’s dad today said that his trousers were too short as they had to be over the heel of his shoe. The tween replied, “No way, it’s not the nineties you know!” Who knew? Rocking that Michael Jackson look is in (even with white socks) so you may get away with the same pair and a spare for the whole year.

4) You can wash blazers in the machine. I’ve just sponged it before throughout the year. I wasn’t confident enough to do it early on, so I waited until he’d finished, thinking I could just buy another if necessary, but hey it looks as good as new. Oh just check it still fits.

5) If your child’s lovely friends draw over your child’s ties, pen can be washed out of them. His dad told him to ring his dear mate and ask him to pay for a new one, after telling us that his bestie drew the Chad figure. We heard him reply on the phone, “Tell your dad to just wash it out.” Annoyingly it worked.

6) My tip for last year was to check before buying long- or short sleeved shirts. I can’t think of why anyone in their right mind would wear a short-sleeved shirt under a blazer. He can’t think why anyone in their right mind would wear a long-sleeved one. Just check.

7) Say each year, “I’m sorry you won’t be able to find any skinny trousers as your amazing footballing calves and thighs do not lend themselves to tight attire.” Then wait until they’re much older and the trousers become more fitted. Then whoop with joy when your treasure can fit into a pair of super skinny trews! It might be the only thing that makes him smile that day. (And laugh at his dad, who not to be outdone, the very same day buys his first skinny jeans …)

8) Remember that however much you spend on uniform, it will be less than the cost of the flipping school shoes. I hanker for the Clarks days when a hidden toy in the heel could be a deal breaker. Now it’s amazing that Nike do totally black shoes without a white tick…. good marketing. We have to choose between a £75 pair or £145 for a pair – the latter will also be part of a gift for a great end of term result! (That’s how I’ve justified it…)

9) Do the shopping early on in the holidays to avoid the queues, but don’t feed them for the rest of the holidays in case they grow out of them. Keep those receipts – we’ve all been there!