The 22 Steps To Nap Time

gemma metcalfe-beckers - 26 Nov 15

From the moment the first eye rub happens, I’m poised.  Alert. Ready to pounce, like a desperate ninja meerkat. I would never admit it (out loud, but via keyboard seems perfectly reasonable) but there are some days that from the moment the littlest wakes up, I am waiting for this hugely significant indicator. When this first eye rub happens, I feel a rush of excitement knowing that….  Nap Time is coming.

But, timing is everything. Like a cool kid at school you can’t act too quickly, for fear of frightening it away. The Nap will sense your desperation and vanish into the distance. Equally if you wait too long, The Nap will turn into The Rage; extreme tears and tantrums thrown in for free.

Here are the 22 Steps to Nap Time.

1. The Nap Radar is engaged. The first sleep signal has been transmitted by small infant. Two further eye rubs are required before step two must take place.
2. Take child upstairs in false promise of finding a toy that you know is their absolute favourite.
3. Luckily child spots favourite toy and runs into bedroom.
4. Close door behind you to try and make the room feel cosy without child realising that you’re trying to contain her.
5. Complete an exaggerated fake stretch yoga move whilst stealthily drawing black out curtains closed.
6. Sit down on dolls house sized bed and look super interested in Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? book, with the aim of hooking the interest of the toddler like a fish. Smile a little when small infant sits down next to you to find out what animal is next.
7. Perform expert cuddle-bosom-head-kiss-roll move with the aim of getting child to lie down without realising what is happening.
8. Promise another book when child realises what’s happening.
9. Read three more books.
10. Promise Peppa Pig if she agrees to sleep for a while.
11. Promise two episodes of Bing! too.
12. Slowly creep out of bedroom with disproportionately large smile across your face, hoping that no noise, change of light or motion freaks out the Bambi-like state that The Nap is in.
13. Speed creep down the stairs, run into kitchen, put kettle on.
14. Perform victory dance whilst kettle boils.
15. Sit and enjoy first sips of delicious hot tea, and a few nibbles of the chocolate digestive that you can eat at a leisurely pace, rather than secretly shovelling into one’s mouth behind a cupboard door.
16. Spot Postman approaching front door. Choke on biscuit crumbs and spill hot tea on leg whilst trying to run to the front door and beat the doorbell.
17. Cry a little on the inside when you fail to beat the buzzer.
18. Hold breath in anticipation whilst also making the mistake of thinking that you can go back to your tea.
19. Run upstairs to wailing child who is doing her own Peppa Pig Anticipation Dance.
20. Follow infant downstairs and spot her finishing your chocolate digestive biscuit.
21. Cry a little more on the inside.
22. Go to kitchen and secret eat two more chocolate digestives at lightening speed.

gemma metcalfe-beckers

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