The 5 Ways Children Drive You Bananas

Anniki Sommerville - 21 Aug 17

I’m no expert on children. I have a couple of parenting advice books but who wants to read a book about child-rearing when you’ve spent all day child-rearing ? I should also kick off by saying that I LOVE my daughter very much but it doesn’t stop her from driving me bananas. It doesn’t stop me watching other parents being driven bananas either. Over the last four years, I’ve compiled a short list. Feel free to add your own BANANAS.

You may find it quite therapeutic, I know I did.

1. Having a MASSIVE strop about things that are very trivial 

This morning we had a big one over a boiled egg. I can’t be bothered to tell you about it but let’s just say it went on for forty five minutes and the egg ended up in the bin. I then shouted that WE WOULD NEVER EAT BOILED EGGS AGAIN (and then felt foolish as that is blatantly ridiculous.)

2.Wanting to buy the MOST toxic, bonkers, sweets in the shop

Each trip to the Costcutter starts with a long chat about the fact that we’re not going to buy anything apart from bread and milk, and ends with a small person calling you every name under the sun because you won’t buy them giant, blue, Gobstoppers peppered with amphetamine dust.

3. Asking for snacks all day long. Ditto asking for Phone/IPad/TV

So you set off in the car laden down with snacks of different varieties and before the engine has even started, you’re rummaging round in your bag for the first one. This continues all day until their tiny eyes are closed and they’re sweetly snoring. And why is it that a child can grab your phone then five minutes later ask for the IPad and then want some TV? What about lying in your bedroom being bored and counting the cracks in the ceiling – isn’t that a valid thing to do in the summer holidays anymore? (sounding very very old now I know).

4. Breaking stuff that is precious and irreplaceable  

Nothing more needs to be said on this. The more important the thing is, the more likely it is to get busted.

5. Torturing the cats when you think they’re playing nicely on their own

Sometimes it goes very quiet and it feels really blissful, until you realise that one of the cats is locked in your child’s bedroom and is being dressed up as Superman. I often feel torn- I’m secretly enjoying the calm and respite but also feel guilty about the cat being manhandled. Yesterday my daughter admitted to applying lip balm on the cats ‘black gums because they looked a bit sore.’ I realised that my desire for peace had actually turned me into a cruel, horrible person.

What’s on your personal BANANA LIST?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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