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The absent rush of love.
I don’t know what I was expecting
But it clearly wasn’t this feeling
Of dread when I first felt your weight.
Swiftly plonked on my chest,
I felt the doubt manifest
Creating cracks in my emotional floodgate.
I was told it would be magical
The best day, oh so beautiful!
But my honest first thought was, “Oh, God!”
I was exhausted from labour
Drowsy from diamorphine – my saviour –
Did this account for feeling so odd?
Where was the love rush?
That intense overwhelming crush
Of bonded joy in that delivery
Instead, I questioned my ability
An immediate negativity,
Feeling not worthy from that transitional day.
I thought I had prepared,
Yet was completely unaware
Of that challenging leap from ‘me’ to ‘mum’.
Dealing with unimaginable situations,
raging hormones and breast infections.
It’s by far, the hardest job that I’ve done.
*
Antenatal sites and classes
(ones without rose-tinted glasses)
Should show how other mums have really fared.
Because you don’t know how you’ll react,
You might fly; you might crack.
The
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by Leander Partington (2020)
Postpartum Poetry
