The art of time

Sophie Taylor - 13 Dec 15

Today I realised that I haven’t been away from my baby boy for more than half an hour in his entire life. And even that half an hour was spent speeding into town and desperately trying on and purchasing a pair of jeggings, as my beloved maternity jeans had torn at the thigh in exhausted protest. It was a pretty harsh return to normal clothes sizes and even now when I’m wearing said jeggings, I still pine for that lovely soft stretchy waistband – the maternity jeans are still in my wardrobe of course, for that rainy day when I know any visitors (i.e. my Mum or sister) won’t mind a ripped jean – it is one step up from my joggers after all…

Anyway I digress, that half an hour was weeks ago and the realisation that I had been inseparable from my baby hit me when I saw my cousin in Tesco with his four-month-old baby doing the weekly shop and he said his wife had got the sewing machine out. I presume this was for her own pleasure and not to mend anything baby related, and that’s when it hit me, when was the last time I did something for myself??

I’m sure you have all had that moment but I’m a first time Mum so am still catching on a bit – I’m not talking about the everyday wish of having more than ten minutes to get ready or thinking to yourself I have to go for a wee before I go out and then having that wee five hours later – but that reconnecting to something you did before you had your child or children that made you you.

A friend said to me that it can be really lonely having a baby and at 14 weeks in I can see what she meant. In that mid-afternoon moment when you’re back from your baby class and it’s been hours since you’ve spoken to anyone and might be hours until you next speak to someone, the magnitude of how my life has changed has been a big pill to swallow. So here I am writing this, reconnecting to something I did pre-baby and it feels good. My tea is drunk, I’m three biscuits in and it’s been about 49 minutes since I last saw my son (I just worked it out, I’m not counting). I’m not thinking about feeding or changing a nappy or putting on some washing, I’m by myself in my own head space.

As I said earlier, I’m sure you all know how beneficial this is, and how it now feels like a luxury (ha!) And it’s happened because I may be getting that balance of not needing to do everything for my baby myself, and being able to leave him – even if it’s only a flight of stairs that separates us, but one step (pun intended) at a time. My first hour reconnecting, even if it is the only one I get for a while, has been rather lovely sharing with you.

Sophie Taylor

New Mum of a beautiful boy, with a job in NHS comms, living in Cambridgeshire, pug owner and wife to a brilliant man.

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