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THE ART OF UNDOING

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It’s brilliantly ironic that I was thwarted, several times, in sitting down to write this post. My toddler, Rafferty, was loopy-and-demanding as he hadn’t had a nap, and my baby, Max, was insanely hungry – for what seemed like hours. I meanwhile was itching to get on my computer and write about how hard it is to get things done when you have kids. Touché.

You see, the other day I left the house on the simple mission of buying some stamps, and ended up returning home hours later after a few tantrums (from Raff, not me), an impromptu ’kid’s

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picnic’ out (to calm him down), and a near toddler-shoplifting event in WH Smiths.

We just about bought the book of stamps but by the time I was home two of them had been used as stickers. I realised afterwards that the reason I find it SO frustrating when I can’t achieve the smallest of tasks because I have children in tow, is that I’m used to GETTING THINGS DONE.

I am a doer. I like to achieve. I like to have an idea and make it happen. There and then. Which means my patience is slim to none. I’d hazard a guess that many of my friends are

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doers as well. In fact, there’s a whole tribe of women just like me (coined the Y Generation a while back by the media) who are used to DOING.

We’ve got degrees (tick), career climbed through our twenties (tick), had babies in our thirties (tick) – we’ve done all the things we wanted to do when we wanted to do them. BUT THEN we have kids and we are unable, quite simply, to DO. I’m not talking about climbing Everest, but as in the stamp buying expedition; sometimes even doing the simplest of things becomes a gargantuan task.

However, I’ve

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realised that getting angsty about my inability to achieve when in care of my lovely, amazing children, is not the way forwards. Letting my stomach tie in knots at the frustration of not doing, is futile. Which is why I’ve been giving myself lessons on the art of UNDOING.

I’ve been trying to channel some inner zen, and focus on all the lovely things that are happening instead of the things that aren’t. For instance, the fact that the impromptu kid’s picnic with Rafferty was an unexpected treat, or the way he nearly walked out of WH Smiths with an

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armful of chocolate, was nigh on hilarious, or the fact that Max was so happy this evening after his feed that he started comically snoring.

Here are my top tips for UNDOING (to be used when you have something to do, but can’t do it)

1) Take several deep breaths in a yoga style
2) Put your feet on the ground and concentrate on them connecting to the floor / pavement / etc. (Meditation expert Linda Hall taught me this: it’s called Grounding, and it instantly makes you feel ’rooted’ instead of stressed, in your head).
3) Focus on the best

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things about the situation you find yourself in. Ie: Think of your glass half full
4) Sing ’I have all the time in the World’ by Louis Armstrong (this works every time in calming me down)
5) Call a friend. Share your pain. Work out a plan for doing the thing you want to do another time….

 

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- 8 Sep 13

It’s brilliantly ironic that I was thwarted, several times, in sitting down to write this post. My toddler, Rafferty, was loopy-and-demanding as he hadn’t had a nap, and my baby, Max, was insanely hungry – for what seemed like hours. I meanwhile was itching to get on my computer and write about how hard it is to get things done when you have kids. Touché.

You see, the other day I left the house on the simple mission of buying some stamps, and ended up returning home hours later after a few tantrums (from Raff, not me), an impromptu ‘kid’s picnic’ out (to calm him down), and a near toddler-shoplifting event in WH Smiths.

We just about bought the book of stamps but by the time I was home two of them had been used as stickers. I realised afterwards that the reason I find it SO frustrating when I can’t achieve the smallest of tasks because I have children in tow, is that I’m used to GETTING THINGS DONE.

I am a doer. I like to achieve. I like to have an idea and make it happen. There and then. Which means my patience is slim to none. I’d hazard a guess that many of my friends are doers as well. In fact, there’s a whole tribe of women just like me (coined the Y Generation a while back by the media) who are used to DOING.

We’ve got degrees (tick), career climbed through our twenties (tick), had babies in our thirties (tick) – we’ve done all the things we wanted to do when we wanted to do them. BUT THEN we have kids and we are unable, quite simply, to DO. I’m not talking about climbing Everest, but as in the stamp buying expedition; sometimes even doing the simplest of things becomes a gargantuan task.

However, I’ve realised that getting angsty about my inability to achieve when in care of my lovely, amazing children, is not the way forwards. Letting my stomach tie in knots at the frustration of not doing, is futile. Which is why I’ve been giving myself lessons on the art of UNDOING.

I’ve been trying to channel some inner zen, and focus on all the lovely things that are happening instead of the things that aren’t. For instance, the fact that the impromptu kid’s picnic with Rafferty was an unexpected treat, or the way he nearly walked out of WH Smiths with an armful of chocolate, was nigh on hilarious, or the fact that Max was so happy this evening after his feed that he started comically snoring.

Here are my top tips for UNDOING (to be used when you have something to do, but can’t do it)

1) Take several deep breaths in a yoga style
2) Put your feet on the ground and concentrate on them connecting to the floor / pavement / etc. (Meditation expert Linda Hall taught me this: it’s called Grounding, and it instantly makes you feel ‘rooted’ instead of stressed, in your head).
3) Focus on the best things about the situation you find yourself in. Ie: Think of your glass half full
4) Sing ‘I have all the time in the World’ by Louis Armstrong (this works every time in calming me down)
5) Call a friend. Share your pain. Work out a plan for doing the thing you want to do another time….

 

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Molly Gunn is the Curator of Goodness at Selfish Mother, a site she created for likeminded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for publications including Red, Stella, Grazia, Net-A-Porter and ELLE. She now edits Selfish Mother and creates #GoodTees which are sold via TheFMLYStore.com and John Lewis and have so far raised £650K for charity. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 5, Fox, 3 and baby Liberty. Molly is married to Tom, aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live, work and play in Somerset.

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