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The Birth of grandparents
Firstly, be prepared to accept a lot of advice. ‘That child is cold’ said my Mum, astoundingly arriving at this conclusion despite the fact that 3000 miles and
“Actually that’s the TV,” I said
“If you have the TV on how can you tell if her breathing is OK?” countered mum. Strange that the onset of my rapid breathing didn’t alert her to the fact that her own child was verging on meltdown.
There is no doubt that pregnancy, birth and the aftermath fundamentally change the relationship you have with your parents. This takes many forms. You gain a greater appreciation for everything your parents have done for
The most immediate manifestation of this change in our relationship came 12 hours after labour, when I realized I had become surplus to requirements.
While incubating first grandchild I was enveloped in a glow of parental love, care and protection. From my fluffy gestating cocoon I could make all kinds of unreasonable demands for, luxury food, extensive naps and the
Post partum the regime got a whole lot tougher. This was keenly visible in the walk from hospital ward to car. As my husband proudly bore our newborn babe, in her spanking new car seat, my mum raced ahead of him to ensure safe passage. Strangers were politely requested to remove themselves from baby’s flightpath. Coughing in baby’s vicinity was deemed unacceptable and open breathing discouraged. My mother constantly adjusted baby’s blanket and bonnet for optimum temperature.
Meanwhile, virtually comatose after
It was probably my breast milk that saved me from total abandonment. This brings me on to another shocking discovery. You no longer own your own body and previously taboo subjects are open to all.
Suddenly my prudish mum discovers a love for discussing bodily functions.
“Isn’t it lovely we can talk about nipples and things now,” said Victorian-era mother to my husband, as they examined the instructions for my manual breast pump together “Ooh I think it grabs it and gives it a good squeeze. It’s a bit like milking a cow really isn’t it,” Husband didn’t answer. He just
Despite this I was very thankful for the help my parents / new grandparents offered in the early weeks after giving birth. My mum was brilliant for our morale – helping with hot meals and housework, and latterly looking after the older children while I tended to the newborn. Always happy to change a nappy, she answered the door and the telephone, managed guests and let me sleep.
Not everyone gets so lucky.
I know one new mum who just days after bringing baby home had a visit from the mother of all mothers-in-law. This woman
She went on to demand her meal re-cooked with gluten free pasta, dispatched the husband to the off license for “a properly chilled bottle of Pinot Grigio” while running her finger along the dust on the mantelpiece – tutting
Another friend, returning from hospital following a Caesarean section, recollected having to beg her mum to buy
As the months and years roll on, the thing you can depend upon, is that grandparents will keep you abreast of the areas of parenting where you are still coming up short. This can span the spectrum of academic, behavioural, sociological and physiological
I have heard of one grandmother who decided that the delectable blonde curls of her three-year-old grandchild were interfering with his ability to run long distance. Against the mother’s express wishes, the next time Granny was babysitting she hotfooted it to the hairdressers and got the cherub’s barnet shorn. It has taken over 24 months of mediation for this particular mother/daughter combo to be talking again. It also provides a salient reminder of the need for you to
Even then expect gentle suggestions for better parenting. In the midst of a 4-week blitz of maladies, including chicken pox, cellular occulitis and winter vomiting – with a husband showing signs of an OCD induced breakdown – still my mother decided that this was the perfect moment to gift me the book, ‘How To Feed Your Children Healthy Meals’ alternately titled, ‘Stop Feeding Your Kids Crap-You Imbecile’.
“I knew you’d look at me like that”, said mum as I took the book while
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