close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

The Hotbed Collective: bringing sexual debate to the fore

1
Sex after babies?  I have no time, no energy and no pelvic floor.  Who can get me #BackInTheSack?

I’m writing this post with slightly blurred vision thanks to an excellent night out with the Hotbed Collective.  Three extremely talented females, Lisa Williams from Tantrum.xyz, Cherry Healey, a BBC presenter, and Anniki Somerville from this very excellent site, Selfish Mother, did what all NCT groups do after childbirth – they met up and after a few gins got on to the endless chat of sex after kids.  When to do it, should you do it, how the

SelfishMother.com
2
heck will you ever have time to do it, and will it hurt. (When you want, however you want, you’ll manage, and yes, probably a bit.)  Sex is a funny topic, loaded with obvious jokes, but there is nothing funny about birth trauma, or being so damned knackered you can’t stay awake long enough to pull your partner’s pants off.  The Hotbed Collective gives women a safe space to debate sex, swap information (which last night took the form of sex secrets scrawled on pink post it notes and pushed into a furry pink box) and hear different voices on the
SelfishMother.com
3
topics of all things sex, and offer support to mums who just ain’t feeling it any more.

And isn’t that fabulous.  A space to progress debate in a world where there is still a gender pay gap.  An arena to be open and progressive in a world where borders are being strengthened. I wrote last week about us living in a world where parents don’t know how to label their daughter’s genitals and it was my second highest trafficking piece ever – in just a week. There is a healthy appetite for honest conversation about these matters, with none of

SelfishMother.com
4
the behind-the-bike-sheds titillation or boys’ club humour that often accompanies discussions about sex.  We don’t have to have our minds in the gutter to want to enjoy more orgasms, more often.

So when the Hotbed Collective holds another event, I’ll be there (and not just because of the sex toys in the goodie bags, although that was a nice surprise).  But because if we can take the shame (and the giggles) away from talking about having fun in the bedroom (or over the kitchen table) then we can have some sensible conversations on how best to

SelfishMother.com
5
look after new mums.  In France, post-baby physio to retune the pelvic floor is the norm.  1 in 3 UK women suffer from bladder incontinence, often brought on by having children.  Sure, as prudish Brits we might blush at the thought of a work-out for our vaginas, but surely the blushes are worth it for a lifetime of being able to go on the trampoline with the kids and not being worried when we sneeze?

 
You can read more from me at http://www.bellfrombow.com/the-blog
Like my Facebook page
Or follow me on Insta and Twitter

SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 31 Jul 17

Sex after babies?  I have no time, no energy and no pelvic floor.  Who can get me #BackInTheSack?

I’m writing this post with slightly blurred vision thanks to an excellent night out with the Hotbed Collective.  Three extremely talented females, Lisa Williams from Tantrum.xyz, Cherry Healey, a BBC presenter, and Anniki Somerville from this very excellent site, Selfish Mother, did what all NCT groups do after childbirth – they met up and after a few gins got on to the endless chat of sex after kids.  When to do it, should you do it, how the heck will you ever have time to do it, and will it hurt. (When you want, however you want, you’ll manage, and yes, probably a bit.)  Sex is a funny topic, loaded with obvious jokes, but there is nothing funny about birth trauma, or being so damned knackered you can’t stay awake long enough to pull your partner’s pants off.  The Hotbed Collective gives women a safe space to debate sex, swap information (which last night took the form of sex secrets scrawled on pink post it notes and pushed into a furry pink box) and hear different voices on the topics of all things sex, and offer support to mums who just ain’t feeling it any more.

And isn’t that fabulous.  A space to progress debate in a world where there is still a gender pay gap.  An arena to be open and progressive in a world where borders are being strengthened. I wrote last week about us living in a world where parents don’t know how to label their daughter’s genitals and it was my second highest trafficking piece ever – in just a week. There is a healthy appetite for honest conversation about these matters, with none of the behind-the-bike-sheds titillation or boys’ club humour that often accompanies discussions about sex.  We don’t have to have our minds in the gutter to want to enjoy more orgasms, more often.

So when the Hotbed Collective holds another event, I’ll be there (and not just because of the sex toys in the goodie bags, although that was a nice surprise).  But because if we can take the shame (and the giggles) away from talking about having fun in the bedroom (or over the kitchen table) then we can have some sensible conversations on how best to look after new mums.  In France, post-baby physio to retune the pelvic floor is the norm.  1 in 3 UK women suffer from bladder incontinence, often brought on by having children.  Sure, as prudish Brits we might blush at the thought of a work-out for our vaginas, but surely the blushes are worth it for a lifetime of being able to go on the trampoline with the kids and not being worried when we sneeze?

 

You can read more from me at http://www.bellfrombow.com/the-blog

Like my Facebook page

Or follow me on Insta and Twitter

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Mum from Bow, gin addict, perma-knackered, fan of food, coffee & cheese.

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media