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View as: GRID LIST

The Importance of the Family Elders

1
There are many things in my life I am thankful for. My health, especially when I have been galloping through life on minimal sleep for the best part of half a decade and am still killing it as a tickle wielding dinosaur at every turn. The beautiful place I live, mostly when I find myself on the beach at 7am on a Tuesday morning in October with 2 little bears insistent on being waist deep in the sea. (It truly is a peaceful and magical time of day btw!). My ability to remove almost any stain from practically anything, when you are raising boys who worship
SelfishMother.com
2
bikes and mud with an Italian husband who is sole keeper of the best ever tomato pasta recipe it becomes an essential gift.

There are also things that I feel completely and unreservedly blessed to have. And two of those things are actually people, my grandparents.

I recently watched a video of a nursery that was set up in a retirement home and it summoned a small flood of gentle and happy tears.

Not everyone is as lucky as I have been to have had the influence and love of amazing grandparents, and fewer still are blessed to have had a close bond

SelfishMother.com
3
with great grandparents. It was only when I became a mummy and watched from a few steps back I saw how important their generation is to my children’s generation.

As a child my grandparents were more like a second set of parents but with all the perks that comes with grandparents like staying up late on a Saturday night to watch WWF wrestling and eating Gino Ginelli ice cream (the toffee one with the tiny but perfectly shaped square fudge bits) under the comfort of a faux satin sleeping bag which would most certainly have only been acceptable in the

SelfishMother.com
4
70’s.

So here is the 411 on these wonderful human beings. My Papee, the strong head of our family who only needed a silent look to envoke a total confession of whatever naughtiness had occurred, who’s cheeky smile fills my heart and every room with joy and who’s support and encouragement to try anything, as long as you tried with everything you had, meant growing up I genuinely believed I could be whatever I wanted to be. He was my first hero. My darling husband had quite the task stepping into those shoes (but that’s why I married him, that and

SelfishMother.com
5
his dance moves!). My Nanny is from a generation where it is essential to cook for and feed everyone, whether they are hungry or not. I used to walk past their house on my way to work on a Saturday morning and there she would be on the doorstep, warm bacon sarnie in hand. But she was no wall flower housewife, stories tell of her lethal cocktail bowls at parties and her ability to be the last one standing or should I say dancing. She also has the warmest aura and a face you just want to tell all your secrets to. I have learnt a lot of what I know about
SelfishMother.com
6
life and everything I know about baking from her.

As you can probably guess my Nanny and Papee are my heroes, totally invincible. I used to watch them dancing together in wonderment and hope one day I would have that same connection with someone. They are the reason I believe in marriage, that love truly exists and lasts forever. They are from a time where things are fixed and made better, not replaced, and life needs to be worked at everyday. An ethos that I can’t help but feel is lost on the majority of the world today.

From the moment we

SelfishMother.com
7
announced the imminent arrival of our first little and I saw the tears welling up in my Papee’s eyes as my Nanny starting listing out the people she would be proudly (and probably slightly smugly) announcing her new promoted status to. I knew that they would be as hands on with my boys as they were with me. But little did I realise just how close a bond the 4 of them would have.

They are your typical great grandparents for the most part. Nanny happily lets them eat chocolate biscuits before they have their lunch as I weakly try to protest and Papee

SelfishMother.com
8
just rolls his eyes and winks at me from his chair. The boys are showered with presents of the ultra noisy kind and draped in hideous character clothing that I have been pretending doesn’t exist in their sizes when the boys ask. Oh and stickers, so so many stickers. But most importantly the boys get their complete undivided attention.

As we arrive at Nanny and Papee’s house the front door is open before we have even turned the car engine off and two excited faces are wearing Cheshire Cat sized smiles, the boys are pretty happy too! It is the

SelfishMother.com
9
absolute highlight of their day and it shows, radiating out like a sonic wave and I know my boys feel it. As a Mummy I also feel that complete joy when I collect Boo from school or come home from the shops to Piggins waiting at the door but do I show them that joy everytime? In truth I am guilty of sometimes hurrying them along because we need to get somewhere or do something. I feel instantly guilty when I see the face of a boy silenced mid dinosaur fact and a toddler who just wanted to hug my leg and help carry the shopping (read open the yogurt
SelfishMother.com
10
pouches immediately and spread the fruit paws all over the hall carpet). But with their Great Grand Parents there is no rush or haste. There is time for every prehistoric fact to be heard in amazement and for each item of shopping to be simultaneously taken out of the shopping bag, half opened and then put in the wrong cupboard.

Then something happens as we step over the threshold, a calmness reigns over everyone. The boys alternate sitting on Nanny’s lap reading a book or singing a nursery rhyme (the politically incorrect originals of course) and

SelfishMother.com
11
playing a board game on the floor with Papee where taking turns is actually a thing, not an urban myth. They have taught my boys it is ok to be still. Of course we have quiet time at home and do the same things but it is never quite as calm and generally descends into shrieking disharmony because someone turned the pages too quickly or set off mouse trap when no one had landed on the cheese. But Nanny and Papee seem to possess a quiet authority that does not need to be enforced with a raised voice or final warning of the naughty step.

They are both

SelfishMother.com
12
sticklers for impeccable manners and respect. From before either of the boys could talk it is something that my grandparents have quietly nurtured in them every time we see them. My husband always says he can tell if we have spent a lot of time with Nanny and Papee as our eldest is even more polite than normal. As parents we have always had a no nonsense approach to manners. It is how we were raised, but sometimes we don’t remember to thank each other or we don’t speak to each other with as much respect as we should. i guess because today isn’t the
SelfishMother.com
13
same as it was before and it somehow seems more acceptable now to not remember.

My Grandparents, for their age, are pretty tech savvy. Whether they wanted it or not they have been adorned with a Mac book and an I pad and a mobile phone all of which they initially looked upon with disbelief and slight mistrust. At first they would cut out article after article about iPads slowly zapping children’s brains and social skills, recoiling in horror at us allowing them access to these devices. However, as they have watched his development, they now are

SelfishMother.com
14
amazed by Boo’s ability to complete memory games at speed and the spelling he has learnt through the apps he plays. They accept that sometimes this is what the boys want to share with them and in turn the boys also love learning and being taught by them, the good old fashioned way, with a quill and ink (I am of course kidding about the quill and ink, Piggins isn’t allowed colouring pencils for fear of the destruction, let alone a pot of ink). Nanny will sit and read endless books with them and look at the letters and the words while Papee is the
SelfishMother.com
15
numbers man from counting pennies to learning subtraction as only a toddler can, with Malteasers. They show the boys the way they learnt and how it was different.

The slightly heart wrenching reality as I watch these 4 precious people is that their relationship together cannot span a lifetime, whilst their great grandparents have lived most of their years now and are full of memories, experience and wisdom my boys have barely started on the journey through their lives with so much ahead of them in their future. It is perhaps these polar opposite of

SelfishMother.com
16
situations that make the time they spend together so precious and remarkable. They are all completely absorbed in that interaction and time together, nothing else is as important, everything else can wait because my boys have all the time in the world and, well, my grandparents don’t so make every moment count. The boys boundless energy and spirit has breathed new life into their great grand parents. Their joy and pride at helping to raise a 4th generation of their family gives them membership to a pretty special club of people and in turn my sons will
SelfishMother.com
17
learn family traditions and stories not from a photograph or a third hand account but directly from the people themselves. The boys are lucky that Nanny and Papee are young at heart and they regularly spend an afternoon babysitting one or both and going for a walk to the shops together, I know my children will remember them and have their own memories, things that I won’t remember and for some reason that gives me a sense of inner peace and comfort.

Watching them, as I do on occasion, from a doorway or listening from another room I have come to

SelfishMother.com
18
realise it is something I definitely struggle with sometimes, just being totally present in that moment, not distracted by social media, folding the washing or writing a shopping list.

More and more now people never switch off, they always multi task, it is socially acceptable to be on your phone whilst at the dinner table and having a conversation. It is totally normal to spend your evening sitting next to your beloved, watching a film and be online shopping or reading a magazine.

I can’t stop the way we live or interact evolving, nor would I

SelfishMother.com
19
want to, but I sometimes wish I could stop time, just for a little while. But as I can’t do that I need to take heed of the most important lesson my Nanny and Papee have taught the boys, to choose to be present, whatever the situation and give my time and attention whole heartedly to that moment. Time and people are very precious aspects in our lives and sadly neither lasts forever but both give us the chances to learn, love, teach, laugh and heal.
SelfishMother.com

By

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- 10 Jan 16

There are many things in my life I am thankful for. My health, especially when I have been galloping through life on minimal sleep for the best part of half a decade and am still killing it as a tickle wielding dinosaur at every turn. The beautiful place I live, mostly when I find myself on the beach at 7am on a Tuesday morning in October with 2 little bears insistent on being waist deep in the sea. (It truly is a peaceful and magical time of day btw!). My ability to remove almost any stain from practically anything, when you are raising boys who worship bikes and mud with an Italian husband who is sole keeper of the best ever tomato pasta recipe it becomes an essential gift.

There are also things that I feel completely and unreservedly blessed to have. And two of those things are actually people, my grandparents.

I recently watched a video of a nursery that was set up in a retirement home and it summoned a small flood of gentle and happy tears.

Not everyone is as lucky as I have been to have had the influence and love of amazing grandparents, and fewer still are blessed to have had a close bond with great grandparents. It was only when I became a mummy and watched from a few steps back I saw how important their generation is to my children’s generation.

As a child my grandparents were more like a second set of parents but with all the perks that comes with grandparents like staying up late on a Saturday night to watch WWF wrestling and eating Gino Ginelli ice cream (the toffee one with the tiny but perfectly shaped square fudge bits) under the comfort of a faux satin sleeping bag which would most certainly have only been acceptable in the 70’s.

So here is the 411 on these wonderful human beings. My Papee, the strong head of our family who only needed a silent look to envoke a total confession of whatever naughtiness had occurred, who’s cheeky smile fills my heart and every room with joy and who’s support and encouragement to try anything, as long as you tried with everything you had, meant growing up I genuinely believed I could be whatever I wanted to be. He was my first hero. My darling husband had quite the task stepping into those shoes (but that’s why I married him, that and his dance moves!). My Nanny is from a generation where it is essential to cook for and feed everyone, whether they are hungry or not. I used to walk past their house on my way to work on a Saturday morning and there she would be on the doorstep, warm bacon sarnie in hand. But she was no wall flower housewife, stories tell of her lethal cocktail bowls at parties and her ability to be the last one standing or should I say dancing. She also has the warmest aura and a face you just want to tell all your secrets to. I have learnt a lot of what I know about life and everything I know about baking from her.

As you can probably guess my Nanny and Papee are my heroes, totally invincible. I used to watch them dancing together in wonderment and hope one day I would have that same connection with someone. They are the reason I believe in marriage, that love truly exists and lasts forever. They are from a time where things are fixed and made better, not replaced, and life needs to be worked at everyday. An ethos that I can’t help but feel is lost on the majority of the world today.

From the moment we announced the imminent arrival of our first little and I saw the tears welling up in my Papee’s eyes as my Nanny starting listing out the people she would be proudly (and probably slightly smugly) announcing her new promoted status to. I knew that they would be as hands on with my boys as they were with me. But little did I realise just how close a bond the 4 of them would have.

They are your typical great grandparents for the most part. Nanny happily lets them eat chocolate biscuits before they have their lunch as I weakly try to protest and Papee just rolls his eyes and winks at me from his chair. The boys are showered with presents of the ultra noisy kind and draped in hideous character clothing that I have been pretending doesn’t exist in their sizes when the boys ask. Oh and stickers, so so many stickers. But most importantly the boys get their complete undivided attention.

As we arrive at Nanny and Papee’s house the front door is open before we have even turned the car engine off and two excited faces are wearing Cheshire Cat sized smiles, the boys are pretty happy too! It is the absolute highlight of their day and it shows, radiating out like a sonic wave and I know my boys feel it. As a Mummy I also feel that complete joy when I collect Boo from school or come home from the shops to Piggins waiting at the door but do I show them that joy everytime? In truth I am guilty of sometimes hurrying them along because we need to get somewhere or do something. I feel instantly guilty when I see the face of a boy silenced mid dinosaur fact and a toddler who just wanted to hug my leg and help carry the shopping (read open the yogurt pouches immediately and spread the fruit paws all over the hall carpet). But with their Great Grand Parents there is no rush or haste. There is time for every prehistoric fact to be heard in amazement and for each item of shopping to be simultaneously taken out of the shopping bag, half opened and then put in the wrong cupboard.

Then something happens as we step over the threshold, a calmness reigns over everyone. The boys alternate sitting on Nanny’s lap reading a book or singing a nursery rhyme (the politically incorrect originals of course) and playing a board game on the floor with Papee where taking turns is actually a thing, not an urban myth. They have taught my boys it is ok to be still. Of course we have quiet time at home and do the same things but it is never quite as calm and generally descends into shrieking disharmony because someone turned the pages too quickly or set off mouse trap when no one had landed on the cheese. But Nanny and Papee seem to possess a quiet authority that does not need to be enforced with a raised voice or final warning of the naughty step.

They are both sticklers for impeccable manners and respect. From before either of the boys could talk it is something that my grandparents have quietly nurtured in them every time we see them. My husband always says he can tell if we have spent a lot of time with Nanny and Papee as our eldest is even more polite than normal. As parents we have always had a no nonsense approach to manners. It is how we were raised, but sometimes we don’t remember to thank each other or we don’t speak to each other with as much respect as we should. i guess because today isn’t the same as it was before and it somehow seems more acceptable now to not remember.

My Grandparents, for their age, are pretty tech savvy. Whether they wanted it or not they have been adorned with a Mac book and an I pad and a mobile phone all of which they initially looked upon with disbelief and slight mistrust. At first they would cut out article after article about iPads slowly zapping children’s brains and social skills, recoiling in horror at us allowing them access to these devices. However, as they have watched his development, they now are amazed by Boo’s ability to complete memory games at speed and the spelling he has learnt through the apps he plays. They accept that sometimes this is what the boys want to share with them and in turn the boys also love learning and being taught by them, the good old fashioned way, with a quill and ink (I am of course kidding about the quill and ink, Piggins isn’t allowed colouring pencils for fear of the destruction, let alone a pot of ink). Nanny will sit and read endless books with them and look at the letters and the words while Papee is the numbers man from counting pennies to learning subtraction as only a toddler can, with Malteasers. They show the boys the way they learnt and how it was different.

The slightly heart wrenching reality as I watch these 4 precious people is that their relationship together cannot span a lifetime, whilst their great grandparents have lived most of their years now and are full of memories, experience and wisdom my boys have barely started on the journey through their lives with so much ahead of them in their future. It is perhaps these polar opposite of situations that make the time they spend together so precious and remarkable. They are all completely absorbed in that interaction and time together, nothing else is as important, everything else can wait because my boys have all the time in the world and, well, my grandparents don’t so make every moment count. The boys boundless energy and spirit has breathed new life into their great grand parents. Their joy and pride at helping to raise a 4th generation of their family gives them membership to a pretty special club of people and in turn my sons will learn family traditions and stories not from a photograph or a third hand account but directly from the people themselves. The boys are lucky that Nanny and Papee are young at heart and they regularly spend an afternoon babysitting one or both and going for a walk to the shops together, I know my children will remember them and have their own memories, things that I won’t remember and for some reason that gives me a sense of inner peace and comfort.

Watching them, as I do on occasion, from a doorway or listening from another room I have come to realise it is something I definitely struggle with sometimes, just being totally present in that moment, not distracted by social media, folding the washing or writing a shopping list.

More and more now people never switch off, they always multi task, it is socially acceptable to be on your phone whilst at the dinner table and having a conversation. It is totally normal to spend your evening sitting next to your beloved, watching a film and be online shopping or reading a magazine.

I can’t stop the way we live or interact evolving, nor would I want to, but I sometimes wish I could stop time, just for a little while. But as I can’t do that I need to take heed of the most important lesson my Nanny and Papee have taught the boys, to choose to be present, whatever the situation and give my time and attention whole heartedly to that moment. Time and people are very precious aspects in our lives and sadly neither lasts forever but both give us the chances to learn, love, teach, laugh and heal.

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