The Innate Need to be a Mummy

MelbourneStreetsMummy - 10 Jul 16

Growing up I always knew I wanted a family. I have never been definite about what I want to do career-wise, always indecisive, dragging out my university degree, deferring, travelling, always trying to find that passion that everyone else seems to find. In VCE I achieved an ENTER over 90 which gave me plenty of options but that just made my choice even harder. I didn’t know then and still don’t know now what I want for a career, but there is one thing I was always certain about, and that was, that I wanted to be a Mum.

In high school, I achieved an ENTER score over 90 which gave me plenty of options but that just made my choice even harder. I didn’t know then and still don’t know now what I want for a career, but there is one thing I was always certain about, and that was, that I wanted to be a Mum.

Growing up, I loved all things family and was always very close to my two brothers. I also knew that if I had kids that I wanted them to be close together. My younger brother Michael and I are only 12 months apart and I don’t really have any memory from my childhood that doesn’t involve him it. I always had a best buddy to play with, whereas our poor brother Danny (being 11 years older) had the pleasurable role of playing mascot, babysitter and a proud big brother to his new much younger siblings. I remember Danny being on bath duty; sitting by the bath fighting to keep us in, and I still recall family car rides, with him in the middle and both Michael and I fighting to lean on him for car sleeps. Poor Dan would always end up with both of us asleep on either shoulder.

I loved the childhood themed parties, the family camping trips, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, all special holidays and family outings. I wanted nothing more than to be able to have kids and be able to create a magical childhood like I felt I had.

Always dreaming of finding Mr Right, at only 24, I found him. In the early hours of the morning at a casino of all places, I met my husband, Rob. Rob is a larger than life character, and he pulled me in straight away with his strong ambitions, wacky sense of humour and his can-do attitude.

Rob is nine years older than me and a big kid. One of my main concerns when we first met was why had he not met someone and had kids already? Did he not want them? I couldn’t be with someone who didn’t want kids. So I remember totally freaking him out asking very early on – I think only weeks after our first  meeting ( psycho!) if he wanted kids, as I didn’t want to pursue anything further and get my heart broken if kids were never going to be a possibility in this relationship. Rob  told me he thought it was too soon to be talking about that, but did assure me that he did want kids someday. Phew! I may have freaked him out temporarily, but I got my answer!

So, when Rob proposed to me by whisking me away to Noosa on a surprise weekend away, it probably comes as no surprise that when Rob asked me to marry him the first words out of my mouth were not yes. I was drinking champagne when I suddenly saw him on one knee, holding the most beautiful rock I could have ever dreamed of, and screaming “Oh my god, this means we get to have babies!” He had to ask me if that meant yes. Of course, it was a big fat YES!!

So, fast forward a year later and only ten weeks after our wedding, all my dreams were coming true. I was happily married to the best husband, and I was staring at a very faint positive pregnancy test.

I was staring at the test in our ensuite at 7am on a Saturday morning, hungover after a night out with some girlfriends, wondering if that faint second pink line was all in my imagination. I pounced back onto the bed, shoving the tests in Rob’s half closed, still unfocused eyes and demanding to know if he saw the second line also. Rob admitted he could, but it was very faint and warned me not to get my hopes up. My heart was racing, and I could already feel myself getting excited despite trying to tell myself not to.

I knew I was pregnant, I just knew. Having been a part time pharmacy assistant throughout my secondary school and university years I had always been told that a second line was always a positive no matter how faint, but I needed to be sure before I got my hopes up. So what followed were three different pregnancy test brands, all three packs. I tested soooo many times that weekend! So when I turned up at the doctor’s surgery and emptied my handbag to display nine very faint positive pregnancy tests she confirmed then and there without any further testing that I was in fact pregnant and that they were all positive tests. I asked if I should take another while I was there and she said no, you have done enough. Really?

Rob, meanwhile had been struggling to find a park meeting us at the doctors and walked into the door just after I had splayed out all the tests over the doctors desk and she was on her feet congratulating him. He said what did I miss?? Laughing, I said nothing, she just confirmed that all the tests were positive.

Leaving that doctors surgery I hated going in separate cars and not being able to talk about this together on the way back to our apartment. But I vividly remember Rob saying he was pretty emotional on that road home with tears in his eyes and his own heart racing. We had also both promised not to tell anyone but each had phoned a friend with the news by the time we got home!

Thinking back to finding out I was pregnant, I had no idea what to expect, and Rob said just the other day that he knew he would love his kid, but he never could imagine just how much. And it’s so true. I knew I had always wanted to be a Mum and dreamt of the day, but the real thing has been better than I ever imagined.

Whenever I hear of someone I know being pregnant it makes me feel emotional. You are excited but you just don’t know what’s to hit you, until you meet them. I will never forget the intense and instant love I felt for our Eli. I’ve never taken drugs, but for me, it was like I was on the best trip I could ever have. Those weeks following Eli’s birth I was in one huge love bubble. I had never loved Rob more and I was just so head over heels with our little man also.

How did you find out you were expecting?

MelbourneStreetsMummy

Hi, My name is Katie, and I am the Melbourne-based mother behind Melbourne Streets With Little Feet. Melbourne Streets with Little Feet celebrates our family's inner-city lifestyle, provides advice on kid-friendly places, tips for getting out and about with little ones and follows my journey as a mother. Join me as I attempt to juggle my inner city lifestyle with my new and exciting role as a mother. Enjoy, KA

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