THE LIFE COACH: DREAM TEAM

Natalie Alexia - 14 Oct 13

I can remember when Tallulah, my eldest was born; for what felt like months I would marvel at the ‘capable’ mothers with brushed hair, dressed-to-perfection, walking their babies outside my flat window as early as 9am. How do you do it? I thought, as I stood in my dressing gown.

12 years on, with 3 children under my wing, I now well and truly fall into the ‘capable’ mum category. But unfortunately for me, as with many of the women I see around me, I easily slip from being capable to being a ‘One Woman Show.’

What is a ‘One Woman Show’ all about? What it really means for many of us…. is that, umm, oh yes – we do EVERYTHING ourselves. OK, almost everything!

In my experience doing (almost) everything can lead to the following:
* Feeling exhausted
* Resentful
* Strung out
* At your wits end
* Like you never even have time to take a breath
* Feeling that there is always something to be done, washing, tidying, feeding, loading the dishwasher… ironing, working, playdates…. etc.

Motherhood teaches us to be capable, to manage, to multitask, to achieve… I can’t tell you how many friends I’ve witnessed work themselves to the bone because ‘it’s just easier if I do it myself!’

Possible consequences of being a ‘One Woman Show’:
* Everyone gets used to how capable you are
* Everyone assumes that you like doing everything
* You end up doing everything
* You end up doing things you don’t enjoy (a lot of the time) and feeling resentful

Sound familiar? I too have been there, done that, and on occassion still do (tsk tsk)…. but I think as mothers sometimes we need to be looking at the long game not just the short game. After all, this project we are embarking on is likely to go on for a minimum of 18 years per child!

So perhaps we should ask ourselves:
* Although it’s easier for me to do it right now, what are the consequences of always doing it?
* Does always doing everything make me happy?
* When does being ‘in control’ get ‘outta control?’
* Is it sustainable for me to do almost everything?

I decided some time ago to start an experiment, to change the way I saw my family, and the way they saw me. I was tired of feeling tired. I decided to think of my family as a TEAM and utilise them accordingly. Our team’s mission is: ‘To have as much fun together as possible and to love, value and respect one another.’

When I started seeing my family as a team, something changed! In a team one person does not do all the work while others have all the fun. In a team, everybody’s needs and desires are important, in a team everybody helps out, contributes, works and plays. We’ve had some interesting and messy consequences, but I really feel we’ve beeen enjoying family life more because of it.

These are the rules of our team:
* Everybody is capable of helping and contributing – some of us can pick up toys, lay the table, we can ALL put our laundry in the laundry bin!
* Everybody treats everyone else in the team with respect. If there is any name calling, it can be neutralised with 2 compliments (genuine compliments)
* We all understand we are a team and everybody who is part of the team helps!

Now I know not all families are the same: we are a team of 5,  the youngest is age 4 and the eldest is age 37). Others are a team of 2… but each team can define its own goals and set its own rules!

Children so often exceed our expectations, and it gives them such a sense of pride and confidence to contribute and to be aknowledged for contributing, my 4 year old loves laying the table, has she ever dropped something? Yes. Did it matter? No! We all learn from our mistakes.

My 7 year old loves feeding the dog, watering the plants, getting people drinks and unloading the dishwasher.

My 12 year old for my birthday gave me a booklet of vouchers, with redeemable anytime on the front… for sweeping the floors, making ALL the beds, bathing the younger two. It was the sweetest gift I got because I knew she appreciated me and wanted to help me! (these are all things she does to contribute on a regular basis anyway). She also bakes a mean breakfast muffin.

You have a resource of helpers in your home…. and even if it’s a bit messy in the beginning, they’ll get the hang of it… and as you trust them to help you, and to do things for you and themselves, you can watch them grow into more confident capable little people! For us as Mums it is uplifting to feel that everyone is contributing even if it’s in the smallest way, it makes us feel valued and supported, instead of feeling the resentment, which can sometimes creep in when we’re just too damn capable for our own good.

My advice is: don’t be a One Woman Show, be a Team Player… it’s just a lot more FUN!

Natalie Alexia

Natalie is a speaker, trainer, life & business coach at Lifeletloose.com. She lives in the O.C, California, with her husband Charlie & children Tallulah 13, Theo 8 and Matilda, 5. In those rare, quiet moments when she is not at work, she can be found writing articles, singing, reading or hanging out by the pool with the kids.

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