THE MIDDLE CHILD

Molly Gunn - 26 Jan 19

That’s me, in the middle. I am the middle child. In my opinion it is a wonderful place to be. The middle spot gives me a feeling of safety and comfort. It always has.

During my childhood I always had company. My sister, 2.5 years older, was my confidante, but she wasn’t much into playing with me. She’d read books in her bedroom and I’d hang out on her bed. She’d play with her friends and I’d hang around them. I’d generally buzz about her like a fly. And when she wasn’t in, I’d creep into her room to read her diary and try on her clothes. Since birth, I kind of assumed that what was hers, was mine. Strangely enough, she didn’t feel the same way.

My brother, 22 months younger than me, was a different story. He was there to play with from the minute he was able. We played Lego. We played in the garden. We played on our bikes. We played with friends down the road. We built camps in the woods. We caused a bit of havoc. And sometimes, we had play-fights that ended in tears: I sat on top of him and he used ‘Strength of the Bear’ to throw me off.

We three were unified when we watched TV. The lounge was our domain, with the Broom Cupboard, Going Live, Grange Hill, Neighbours and Top of the Pops our common ground. And our other domain was the back seat of the car – when our parents took us on car journeys or holidays to France. We squished into the back of the family car, having fun and annoying each other in equal measure, to a soundtrack of Dire Straits, Paul Simon, and – when us kids had our way – Transvision Vamp.

Childhood never felt lonely; because there was always the three of us. And so I always knew that I wanted three kids, too. When Tom & I fell in love circa 2001, I said that I wouldn’t move in with him unless he agreed to a) marry me and b) have three kids with me. And now we have three kids I can see some familiar patterns repeating themselves.

Some people talk about ‘middle chid syndrome,’ but my mum – who is also a middle child – and I, agree, that it is a fallacy. We are both happy and balanced. However, I do believe that we humans behave in particular ways due to our ranking in the family – in childhood and into adulthood. And now I have 3 kids of my own I can see the familiar patterns of sibling interaction. History repeating itself.

When I see Rafferty, my eldest, ignore Fox, my middle child, I naturally feel an affinity for Fox. Sometimes Rafferty, beautifully intelligent, will pick apart something Fox – two years younger – has said, and I can’t help but feel a stab at my heart. Because, while I’m proud of Rafferty’s eloquence, subconsciously, those feelings come swimming back of my clever sister putting me down. It’s as if it is happening to me all over again.

To Rafferty, Fox can sometimes feel like a buzzing fly, but all I can see is Fox’s unwavering love and affection for Rafferty. And when I see Fox take solace in his younger sister, Liberty, who always wants to play with him, I feel so pleased that he is getting that unconditional love from a younger sibling. And I remember how that feels, too.

What’s interesting is that both Fox and I didn’t speak until we were three-years-old. But it meant that I didn’t worry about him, when his nursery teachers wanted to recommend him to a speech therapist. I knew he’d talk, just like I did; because even with a clever chatty sibling, we finally need to speak for ourselves.

And I also know that my three will support each other – and their relationships will grow with time. Despite their differences, there is deep love. And, to catch the three of them sitting on the sofa watching Netflix, reminds me of days watching TV with my siblings. This empathy for being a three gives me solace.

Just like I hope that Tom & I can offer the kind of stable balanced childhood I had, I hope that my three will stick together throughout childhood and adulthood.

So, yes I’ve always loved being in the middle. And when a couple of years ago I  finally ‘settled down’ and bought a house, it just so happens I migrated to the South West to be closer to my siblings who had moved to Devon and Wiltshire respectively. And guess where I moved…? Somerset, of course. In the middle.

Molly Gunn

Molly Gunn is the Curator of Goodness at Selfish Mother, a site she created for likeminded women in 2013. Molly has been a journalist for over 15 years, starting out on fashion desks at The Guardian, The Telegraph & ES Magazine before going freelance in 2006 to write for publications including Red, Stella, Grazia, Net-A-Porter and ELLE. She now edits Selfish Mother and creates #GoodTees which are sold via TheFMLYStore.com and John Lewis and have so far raised £650K for charity. Molly is mother to Rafferty, 5, Fox, 3 and baby Liberty. Molly is married to Tom, aka music producer Tee Mango and founder of Millionhands. They live, work and play in Somerset.

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