The Mummy Juggler has a Mummy melt down…

demandra - 2 Nov 15

In the spirit of being authentic and being honest about myself warts and all, I have a confession to make. I have been signed off work for the last week with anxiety and stress. It wasn’t any one thing the kicked this off, rather a slow burn of tiredness, pressure at work, 3 hours of commuting each day, growing children whose activities seem to be dragging me in more directions than is possible, and half renovated house that is never clean and tidy. Then chuck on top of that a fascinating (but energy zapping) Start-up course and a new puppy! You get the picture!

I had been feeling really teary for the last month, crying and over reacting at things that shouldn’t really get me down, but last weekend it really all got a bit much. After an intense week of work, I got to the weekend and I lost it. It’s absolutely no fun when you get so little time with your children, to then spend the time you do have unable to enjoy their company. On Monday, I got to work feeling like I had been out on a clubbing bender all weekend (without the fun bit) and I knew that I couldn’t cope and needed to go home. So I did.

My week away from work has been a strange. In some ways it’s been lovely. I have walked the kids to school everyday and spent time doing yoga and running most days (the two things that keep me grounded and sane, but that fall off the to do list when things get busy). Yet, the guilt of not being at work lurked in the back ground. It felt very strange to take time to myself, but I am very grateful for it.

I’ve spent a good chunk of time really thinking about what I want to do, and what is important to me. I have also become acutely aware of why there are so few women in my situation. Because it is bloody hard. Being present for your children, while having a stimulating career may not actually be that good for your physical and mental health. Yet, I don’t want to compromise on either of those things and don’t think I should have to.

So whats the solution? I can’t help thinking that there has to be another way. It would be fascinating to see a business that wholly embraces people into their organisations, understanding their particular set of circumstances and ambitions and makes that part of the terms that they are employed upon. Then works with the individual (supported by the community within the organisation) to help them along their journey. Making a contract for work in exchange for fulfilment (as well as) and money. It seems so obvious, doesn’t it?

Employment conversations should include “How can we work together? What’s important to you outside of work? How can we create time, space and energy to make sure you fulfil that as well?” I think that this way of working, supported by a organisation of people who all support and cultivate these ideals, could be a competitive advantage. So often my employment conversations about my life beyond work have focussed on me making sure that my employer thinks i have the kids, work, life juggling act all under control, and that it won’t affect my work life. Yet, in reality, like everyone else who has multiple priorities, it does sometimes go sideways. It would be great to be more honest about this upfront, so that time off with stress and anxiety don’t occur in the first place.

So I am back to work tomorrow. I am filled with trepidation and some nervousness. I feel I have a better understanding of why I ended up needing a break. I am not entirely sure I have cracked the solution to the never juggling act as yet. Hopefully in future I’ll clock the signs of overload better, and make sure take the time I need to decompress.

demandra

I think it is going to be a tale of the Mummy Juggler! I know that, not for a minute, am I alone on this tale. I am hoping that by sharing my story I might help other’s (and myself) remember that we don’t have to be superwoman, we don’t have to do it all alone, and it’s possible (just about!) to have a successful career and be a present, loving parent. It might also have a bit about the importance of work that counts. That adds to the world in a positive, useful way. Something that I care about immensely. Other times it might just be about life and how to process it all. Lets see what comes out!

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