THE NEWBORN MOTHER

Sarah Wheatley - 30 Sep 14

Imagine life as a newborn baby – you’ve been through the most intense physical experience of your life, your senses are overwhelmed by new experiences and you’re learning things at the rate of knots. Your body feels very different to how it used to, there are lots of strange people around you and no one takes you seriously unless you cry. And even then they sometimes ignore you.

It’s not so different being a new mother. It’s a tumultuous, emotional, physical and mental roller-coaster that often leaves folk reeling and wondering what is going on. So many things feel different or unfamiliar or scary or weird. As a mother, I found myself thrown into a new way of living and being with my baby. It was not only my baby who felt unsteady and in need of reassurance, but also me, the mother, as we both learnt our way in this new environment.

And maybe this discombobulation, this shifting in us, can help us understand and support our children. Our vulnerability and unsteadiness mirrors that of our babies, and gives us insight into what might best support our infants in this time of transition.  The fact that our own need for physical and emotional support may at times feel overwhelming gives us a better sense of what it is like for our child to feel so out of control and dependent on others.

This sense of being ‘out of control’ can be very distressing for some new parents, who might grieve the loss of control and who might fear what will happen to them without it. Many of us are having babies when we are older, and have got used to organising our lives in such a way that we enjoy them as much as possible. To have that demolished so easily can bring on a sense of anxiety and insecurity.

But these feelings are normal. Completely and utterly normal. The shame is that so many new parents feel ashamed of feeling out of control, as if they’re getting something ‘wrong’. If you feel that way, you are in good company. And when you comfort your baby and give him or her the support that they need, I hope that you may also be able to give yourself comfort and reassurance that it is a phase. One that you will both grow out of.

In the meanwhile, please don’t expect too much of yourself, or your baby. You’re both doing the best you can in a strange new world.

Sarah Wheatley

Counsellor, wife, mother, bee lover. Lives beside the sea in Edinburgh. Works with pregnant and new parents to help them not just cope but thrive.

View profile for posts, events and more info