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The shit that no one tells you

1
Well, here we are. 33 weeks pregnant with baby number two and a three-year-old who can be an absolute bloody nightmare. One moment we are in serenity and the next full-on anger, aggression, refusal and meltdown. I wouldn’t mind so much if I was coming at this having found the last three years easy but I, we, haven’t. Maybe it is just us? Maybe we just generally suck at being parents. That could be the case. In order for there to be outstanding individuals being raised by outstanding parents who never shout and who raise unaggressive, polite, bright,
SelfishMother.com
2
caring little beans there has to be the opposite. Is that us? Or is it that very few of us want to confess to finding it hard, to wanting to get on the next flight to anywhere or to wanting to be 25 and carefree again?

The hardest thing about parenting I find is having absolutely no point of reference. Grandparents can say the most unhelpful things like ”you were perfect, good as gold, never like that” and ”oh, wow..is he doing that a lot then?”. Yes.. yes he bloody well is and I am delighted I was so perfect but now if you could take off those

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3
rose-tinted goggles and tell me the actual truth that might help me know what the hell to do now.

I reckon this is compounded by being older parents. We have spent the last two decades overachieving, getting praise, pay rises and generally becoming experts in our chosen professions (which by the way I no longer have as I have chosen to dedicate this time to raising our son – who seemingly doesn’t care that Mummy was a big shot and is now just a big mess). Maybe we have read too much, tried too hard, given too many choices, tried to be too child-led

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and then end up exploding at him for not getting in his car seat or trying and succeeding at kicking us in the face for the 1000th time. Seriously, a three-year-old in converse kicking you in the face is absolutely no fun and quite painful. That coupled with his high level of desire to bite or shout NO at any given moment means parenting a three-year-old can push even the strongest of us to a breaking point.

I try to share my experience with friends who have young babies to tell them to enjoy them whilst they can. To enjoy the sleep deprivation and

SelfishMother.com
5
the cuddles because at some point they will be sleeping more than 10 hours a night, shouting in your face, throw something at you or running towards a road ignoring your pleas to stop whilst giggling hysterically.

Is it always like this..no of course not. Is it just a phase..yes absolutely. Do I wish I knew how to not get cross or frustrated and not threaten to call the police if he isn’t in his car seat in 3…2…1 of course I do. But, here is the thing. Every child is different, every day is different, every parent is too and I have no idea if

SelfishMother.com
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tomorrow will be better or if doing anything differently would make a change to how our son feels, lives and expresses himself. What I do know is that this shit is real. It is brutal, it makes us sob, it makes us question everything we thought we knew and no one can tell you how to make it stop.

So what do we do?  Well, I’ll eat two creme eggs for tea, with Monster Munch pickled onion crisps as the chaser and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and it will get easier. But in the meantime, we need to prepare others by saying how parenting can be.

SelfishMother.com
7
Maybe we were just incredibly nieve and unprepared? The thing is I think most of us are and if the internet and blogging is good for anything it is sharing the highs and lows of parenting truthfully so here is my attempt at just that. This is the shit that no one tells you.

 

 

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- 12 Feb 19

Well, here we are. 33 weeks pregnant with baby number two and a three-year-old who can be an absolute bloody nightmare. One moment we are in serenity and the next full-on anger, aggression, refusal and meltdown. I wouldn’t mind so much if I was coming at this having found the last three years easy but I, we, haven’t. Maybe it is just us? Maybe we just generally suck at being parents. That could be the case. In order for there to be outstanding individuals being raised by outstanding parents who never shout and who raise unaggressive, polite, bright, caring little beans there has to be the opposite. Is that us? Or is it that very few of us want to confess to finding it hard, to wanting to get on the next flight to anywhere or to wanting to be 25 and carefree again?

The hardest thing about parenting I find is having absolutely no point of reference. Grandparents can say the most unhelpful things like “you were perfect, good as gold, never like that” and “oh, wow..is he doing that a lot then?”. Yes.. yes he bloody well is and I am delighted I was so perfect but now if you could take off those rose-tinted goggles and tell me the actual truth that might help me know what the hell to do now.

I reckon this is compounded by being older parents. We have spent the last two decades overachieving, getting praise, pay rises and generally becoming experts in our chosen professions (which by the way I no longer have as I have chosen to dedicate this time to raising our son – who seemingly doesn’t care that Mummy was a big shot and is now just a big mess). Maybe we have read too much, tried too hard, given too many choices, tried to be too child-led and then end up exploding at him for not getting in his car seat or trying and succeeding at kicking us in the face for the 1000th time. Seriously, a three-year-old in converse kicking you in the face is absolutely no fun and quite painful. That coupled with his high level of desire to bite or shout NO at any given moment means parenting a three-year-old can push even the strongest of us to a breaking point.

I try to share my experience with friends who have young babies to tell them to enjoy them whilst they can. To enjoy the sleep deprivation and the cuddles because at some point they will be sleeping more than 10 hours a night, shouting in your face, throw something at you or running towards a road ignoring your pleas to stop whilst giggling hysterically.

Is it always like this..no of course not. Is it just a phase..yes absolutely. Do I wish I knew how to not get cross or frustrated and not threaten to call the police if he isn’t in his car seat in 3…2…1 of course I do. But, here is the thing. Every child is different, every day is different, every parent is too and I have no idea if tomorrow will be better or if doing anything differently would make a change to how our son feels, lives and expresses himself. What I do know is that this shit is real. It is brutal, it makes us sob, it makes us question everything we thought we knew and no one can tell you how to make it stop.

So what do we do?  Well, I’ll eat two creme eggs for tea, with Monster Munch pickled onion crisps as the chaser and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and it will get easier. But in the meantime, we need to prepare others by saying how parenting can be. Maybe we were just incredibly nieve and unprepared? The thing is I think most of us are and if the internet and blogging is good for anything it is sharing the highs and lows of parenting truthfully so here is my attempt at just that. This is the shit that no one tells you.

 

 

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