The Sisterhood Of Slightly Frazzled Mums

Kate Jones - 19 Jan 16

I hear about Mum shaming and competitive baby groups but I’ve got to be honest – my experience has been completely the opposite. When I think about what I’ve been through with my fellow mum friends in the last year, it warms my cockles and makes me want to burn my bra and strut down the street in my Jimmy Choos SATC style, belting out ‘sisters are doing it for themselves’. (But actually wearing my Ugg boots. Comfort is key here).

Becoming part of a new mum group is a bit like the first day of school. Whatever the setting, whether a baby group or pregnancy class, you’re likely to turn up feeling a bit nervous, hoping you look like you’ve got your shit together and that someone will want to play with you. And it’s high stakes here as these new friendships are key. Maternity leave days are precious but long, and having fellow understanding grown ups to talk to can make or break you in those first difficult months.

The best decision I ever made was to join an NCT course. Not because I became a child birthing guru, but because I met six comrades in arms who made moving to a new area and becoming a parent a much less terrifying experience. Having a group of people going through exactly the same thing as you, at exactly the same time, is not to be underestimated. In the last eight months or so we’ve shared thousands of cups of tea together, forayed into the world of baby massage and soft play together (if that’s not a bonding experience I don’t know what is), and watched our lovely little babies become even lovelier little people.

And let’s not underestimate the kindness of strangers either. From the café owner who gave me a free slice of cake on my first trip out with a one week old baby, to the Mum who gave me a sympathetic smile as my bundle of joy screamed her way round Tesco, the solidarity of women has got me through the day on more than one occasion.

I also think that technology and social media has changed the face of parenting as we know it, as ‘virtual’ friends become as valuable as ‘real’ ones. Around the time I started this blog, I joined a Facebook group of mums with due dates in the same month as me. I saw the group on one of the pregnancy app forums on my commute to work and was intrigued so I joined, thinking not much would come of it… It turned out to be a complete godsend. It’s a group of 40 women from all over the UK and all walks of life, who can share stories, thoughts, worries and joys, offering a whole host of idea sharing and different perspectives. I think you can be honest with people you’ve never met in a way you can’t be honest with any one else, and being able to chat to these other mums at 4am makes night feeds and insomniac babies a much less lonely place.

I love reading other blogs, and thank god for the likes of The Unmumsy Mum, for not being afraid to show the real side of parenting. For saying it like it is when our little monsters have covered us in poo, wrecked the house and taken over our lives. And how we adore them anyway.

With all these women I have shared hilarious horror stories, small victories and valuable advice. We’ve celebrated each other’s highs, and supported each other’s lows. They’ve made me feel confident, capable, and most importantly normal!

Thanks girls. I couldn’t have done it without you.

(NB. This does not include the smug mother who made a disparaging comment about my baby’s lack of rolling during the park walk. You are the exception to the rule, madam.)

Kate Jones

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