The unfairness of being Mum!

Not Just Rita's Mother - 1 Oct 15

So here’s my observational rant from the weekend…

When I was pregnant,the majority of women – and lots of men, wanted to congratulate, pat, hug, coo over me. It felt like everyone wanted a piece of my bump and not only that but everyone felt that they were entitled to speculate on the size, due date, gender and so on. Many had old wives tales to share and to be fair the one about heartburn leading to a full head of hair was actually true.

Anyway, the point of this is that before Rita was born I didn’t experience any negative attention – rather it was like being a celebrity for a short period of time which to be truthful was quite enjoyable! People gave me knowing smiles in supermarkets, they held the doors open at work, they offered to carry things for me and I could always get a seat in the pub (having an orange juice – of course). All of these things made the pregnancy – and me, feel a bit special and I suppose I got used to it.

Now however, we have a different tale to tell.

There are two scenarios

1) We are out and about and Rita is in a good mood.
This means she smiles at every passing stranger, gurgling sweetly, eyes shining, reaching out as if she is pleased to see people, making conversation in her own funny four month old way. She is (for that time), the perfect baby and people compliment me on her behaviour and pleasant character (like really, do they think I have any influence there?!) They tell me how lucky I am to have such a sweet-natured child and admire her as she chatters away in her endearing manner. I almost can’t bring myself to tell the truth that sometimes she is entirely the opposite (not sure if I am actually hiding this truth from others or myself sometimes…)

2) The second scenario is when Rita is screaming blue murder.
So, this second scenario I have to admit, is not regular. However, when it does happen it is full blast anguish, head-on like a steam train. Where she gets the energy from I don’t know. It is as if she has just found out a combination of baby related disasters have occurred – the world is out of milk, Sophie la giraffe has lost her squeak, the poppers on the babygrow will never match up – and there is nothing she can do about them. She is inconsolable at these times and it is almost unbearable, headache inducing mania. So much noise for such a small child. As for all that shit about it always sounds worse when it’s your own child. No. No it doesn’t. No-one likes the sound of a crying baby, end of story.

So in scenario 2) there are two options – I have hold of Rita or Gareth does. And herein lies the difference. Herein lies the problem. Herein lies the unfairness of it all.

If I have hold of Rita as she is crying, arching her back and going red in the face, people (strangers) avoid eye contact, even cross over the road, looking sideways in my direction with pity, disdain, disgust – why can’t this woman get a grip of her baby? What is this woman doing to her baby that is making the baby react like this? How can one baby be so loud and upset, something must be really wrong – this woman must be a terrible mother.
The worst case scenario is that you are in an enclosed space when this happens – a lift is bad; even though the journey may be short, you can guarantee that for those few short minutes you will be treated by your fellow passengers as if you have actually just weed in the corner of the lift. That is the level of disgust you will encounter.
I exaggerate, but my point is this. When I am holding a writhing screaming child, all anyone wants me to do is make it stop. Sort it out. End the noise. Fast.

However, if Gareth is holding Rita whilst all of the above commotion is taking place – well then it’s a totally different state of affairs. Gareth is the hero. Gareth is the man who is trying to soothe, comfort and look after the baby. People actually approach Gareth with sympathetic noises, asking if they can help, what’s the matter – they actually make light jokes about such a small person making such a big noise. People look upon him as Super-Dad, braving the storm in the quest for helping out his little girl. Women fawn over this modern-man, marvelling at his ability to hold a baby, push a pram and keep walking all at the same time. Gareth gains the celebrity status I had when pregnant – doors are opening, seats are offered, glances are appreciative of his wonder, and supportive of his suffering. Gareth is transformed into a God-like status and the glances I am now getting are clear – how lucky I am to have a bloke like this.

It’s not fair!

Find out how my Nutribullet helps solve these situations when they happen at home http://notjustritasmother.com/2015/09/25/how-nutribullet-saved-my-sanity/

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Not Just Rita's Mother

Mother, partner, teacher, scouser. I live and work in rainy Manchester and aside from writing I love running, red wine and singing. Co-founder of Our Kids Social offering unique and fabulous events for families in and around Manchester www.ourkids.social. @notjustrsmother FB Not Just Rita's Mother

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