The Unlikely Mummy – My Story

Kavita Trevena - 22 Sep 19

When I started #theunlikelymummy it wasn’t for popularity or to see how many ‘likes’ I could get. It was to help another person, another mum and to help myself, a little bit like self-therapy. I know my situation, thoughts, and feelings aren’t unique, but they are to me. I am aware there are thousands of other mums out there blogging for the same reasons, with 10000s of likes and I respect them. For me, I am excited to be helping others and being brave enough to take that step to do so.

My journey is simple, I am the youngest of three and have two older brothers. My mum and dad had to work every day and very hard to give us the best start in life. We had a few family holidays and lots of day trips; we were very fortunate to have such a varied childhood. I had a pretty decent education, went on to university and I got my first job.

I met my husband a long time before we were to ‘date’ and then get married. We met when I was just 18 and he was 21, we didn’t start dating till much later on. Now we have been married since 2017. I  was 30 and he was 33, after being together since 2014.

Looking now to our current situation, our son was born in 2018, I was told it would be unlikely to fall pregnant and have a baby when I was around 18 and from then I never thought I would have a baby. Adoption and other routes were talked about before we got married. However, I guess the relaxation of honeymoon calms the body down naturally and we were incredibly lucky to fall pregnant. But nothing really prepares you. Lots of comments are said and you feel like you have to defend yourself, it is wrong that you are forced to do that. Comments such as; “You didn’t waste time!” and “Didn’t you want to enjoy married life first?” were said. I just listened and then I would go home and cry, thinking I was making a huge mistake and I wouldn’t be a good mother to my child.

From these experiences, The Unlikely Mummy was born. Born from fear and rejection from peers and other mothers in my circle of ‘friends’ but not all, don’t be mistaken I have made some incredible friends along my journey and ones I hope will stay with me till the babies are parents themselves. But for the majority of the journey, it hasn’t been the most supportive.

My hubby and I wanted to be prepared and start family life with all the knowledge we could. So under recommendations for our friends, we signed up for NCT  antenatal classes. At first, it’s a little surreal, strangers in a room with only one thing in common – babies! Within the journey of parenthood, I have made inspirational friends, some of which I have regular contact with and try and see as much as I can.

When I came across their #hiddenhalf campaign it spoke volumes to me. I was able to relate on a level I never knew was possible. It was like they were directly talking to only me. I was that hidden person that had the raw deal. My husband went back to work very quickly after an emergency c section, I felt lonely, scared and afraid. I started to reject motherhood and cry uncontrollably. Initially, I just put it down to hormones. Until my health visitor, she got me the help I needed and fast forward to now it has given me the strength to talk about my story.  It explains the opportunity given to me to speak on behalf of women and explain the importance of the 6-week check and mental health.

Although my story is simple and isn’t unique, it is very common and a story I have heard time after time for fellow mother’s. This is the reason #TeamTum was created. So please join me to help the #hiddenhalf campaign and join me to help you.

Did you hear me on Woman’s Hour representing mums?

BBC Radio 4, Woman’s Hours 

Kavita Trevena

First time mum wanting to share my experiences to help other mums know they are not alone.

View profile for posts, events and more info