The Women Who Keep You Going

Anniki Sommerville - 5 Sep 16

The older I get, the more I realise that it’s not about the amount of friends you have, it’s about the quality. I went through a funny phase in my thirties where I felt lonely and like all my friendships were growing stale (we were all too busy with the cut and thrust of life at that stage). Now I feel there’s a strong group of women who keep me sane. In fact,  the more I thought about it, the more I realised they fell into certain categories.

Do you recognise any of these STRONG, INCREDIBLE WOMEN?

The Calm One

I have a friend who is my GO TO person if I’m having a panic attack. This friend just isn’t phased. She tells me to drink more wine. She tells me to get an early night. When I was crying because I couldn’t get to grips with breastfeeding and my nipples were bleeding, she sent me a text saying- ‘Feeding is just ONE aspect of being a Mum. Stop beating yourself up right now.’ Those words had authority. I want to be able to send a text like this back to her one day but she’s too calm to need it.

The Super Dooper One

When I was a teenager, someone told me to never have friends that are more beautiful, successful and brilliant than you. I know, who actually wants a friend that is good at EVERYTHING? At least let them have a hairy mole and enormous ears? Well this friend (and in fact there are quite a few that fall into this category) can run a business, be a great parent and is also totally NICE. I have another friend who is very strong and resilient and has 3 kids and 2 chickens and a house that looks like a Living Etc. set (but none of that is the point- it’s not a competition right?) I LIKE having friends who are better than me. I am over forty and need a BIG kick up the arse. There’s no time like the present. I need inspiration and it’s better that it’s a friend doing brilliantly than someone you can’t stand.

The Informed/Well Read One

I try and buy organic and certainly when my daughter was young, I tended to read food labels. Then I found myself going down the Pom-Bears route.  This friend reads up on everything. She knows about the latest food panics. She knows some short cuts on how to make things that are relatively healthy and yet easy to make. She sets me straight. She keeps me on my toes. I need this or will end up serving chips for breakfast and thinking Smarties are a wholesome snack.

The Keith Richards One

I have a couple of friends who are definitely related to the most hedonistic man of all time. One knocks back prosecco like it’s fizzy water. She also smokes (this is viewed as CLASS A drugs by people these days). At parties and social gatherings she is possibly going to fall over/fall into a bush/break something. This is GOOD! It’s easy to become really boring. She sets up drinks in areas that we’ve never been to and we complain because it’s East London but are secretly thrilled not to be sitting in the local boozer. The only problem is this friend doesn’t get hangovers. So watch yourself  (because she’s related to Keith Richards remember?)

The ‘No Holds Barred’ One

This one tells you THE TRUTH. This might mean the fact that you shouldn’t be wearing a silk romper suit (she’ll find a nice way of saying it). Or that you’re being exceedingly grumpy and disagreeable. If you’re considering Botox, she might try and talk you out of it (or talk you into it if she thinks you need it). When she narrows her eyes, you get nervous because you know you’ve got some TRUTH coming your way. You might feel a bit resentful but she’s right. That jumpsuit makes you look like Margot from The Good Life (and not in a cool, post-modern way either).

The ‘Let It All Out’ One

Crying is something we don’t always feel we can do these days. We are all so competent and together and brilliant. Well this friend and I go back a long way. Over the years we have cried a lot. Sometimes this has been because of a justified cause (a miscarriage/split with a partner/grief) and sometimes it has been because we have drunk too much wine and are very tired. Once I cried whilst eating a pizza yet successfully managed to eat it all at the same time. Afterwards I felt like a new woman.

The point is we hear all the time about how life is getting worse. We’re more individualistic, more inward facing and more selfish. We don’t speak anymore and spend our lives burrowed into our phones like moles. But think about the women in your life. Think about the tears. The chucked boyfriends. The harsh truths. Think about the embarrassing scenes.

Think about how this has been going on since the beginning of time.

It’s a bloody miracle isn’t it?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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