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There Was One In the Bed…….

1
Do you share a bed? Do you share a bed with your partner or child or pet? As adults it’s quite normal to share a bed with someone or something isn’t it? I do. I share a bed with one of my three cats. Sometimes another one will sleep on my feet too. But I don’t share with anyone else. NO ONE. No humans. And to be honest, it’s only because I love my puss so much that I feel too guilty to tell her to cock off. She sleeps right by my pillow.

But I do not share a bed with my husband OR my kids. Ever. Nope. No sireeeeeee!

I used to be good at

SelfishMother.com
2
sharing a bed. But then I used to be good at sleeping. And I guess I was drunk a lot more in those days. As a teen you can sleep through anything can’t you? And sharing a bed with all and sundry was almost a prerequisite. Most of the time you’d fall unconscious, fully clothed and stinking after over-indulging on some substance or other (or was that just me?). And in fact this sleeping anywhere, through anything, carried on well into my student years. I think it’s the only way I coped with camping at Glastonbury the few times I went back in the ol’
SelfishMother.com
3
days. Because I sure as shit don’t do “camping” these days.

As a kid I could never a share a bed. I’d be forced to share sometimes on weekends away with my snuffly, kicky, open-eyed-sleeping, annoying younger brother for example. I would be DISTRAUGHT if I was ever forced to endure staring at his zombified face for all the night hours! Thankfully this wasn’t a frequent occurrence.

But once you enter the big bad world of adulthood your grip on sleep becomes harder to retain. Whether it’s the increased responsibility of paying your own

SelfishMother.com
4
way, the early mornings from actually working at an actual job, or desperately fighting off the wafts of existential guilt by not wanting to “waste the day” on weekends. Add kids into the mix and you can kiss goodbye to feeling anything other than perma-pooped for the next 10-15 years. Sleep becomes such a precious commodity that sometimes you’d consider selling your youngest just for an extra 10 mins snooze in the morning (or….again, just me?!).

And so, as an adult, with young kids, a job, responsibilities …..Why on EARTH would you want to

SelfishMother.com
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SHARE your bed?! To limit your space, to guilt you into rigidity, to steal covers from you, to oppress your need to breathe noisily through your nasal passages (ok, I mean snore) …..Why?!

OK so when my bubs were tiny-tiny I would sometimes doze off next to them after a feed but never for very long. Once they got to the wriggly stage they were put back in the cot….allowed back exclusively for cuddles, soothing or daytime. Even now if one of them has had a bad dream and they want to sleep in my bed, I’ll cuddle them until they fall asleep and then

SelfishMother.com
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gently take them back to their own bed.

But my husband? No way. Oh yes, there IS that old thing….that “baby making” thing people do. My husband and I do that. We like doing that. And cuddles and kisses. We do that. And we like doing that too. But afterwards, we go to sleep in our separate beds which are side by side in our bedroom. And we can starfish and flail and get up for 20 thousand wees (ok I know that IS just me…) without the other one having a single dent in their REM cycle. It’s brilliant!

I know there are some crazies out there

SelfishMother.com
7
who love to cuddle up all night, love the warm feel of a hairy limb draped over one of their own less hairy limbs. But that’s not for us. And don’t get me wrong….we are very affectionate. That’s something I actually demand of everyone I ever meet. I flipping love a cwtch, me! We have cuddles and chats about the day every single night before bed. But then we sidle off to our own beds and get the best nights’ sleep we can.

I know people think we’re a bit odd. And I am quite sure that some may think it’s a sign of a relationship that’s

SelfishMother.com
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doomed. But it’ll be our 10th anniversary next year. It works for us. And I am completely confident that not sharing a bed has contributed to us maintaining a happy, loving relationship.

So now, tell me….are you tempted to split that bed in two?

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- 29 Jun 16

Do you share a bed? Do you share a bed with your partner or child or pet? As adults it’s quite normal to share a bed with someone or something isn’t it? I do. I share a bed with one of my three cats. Sometimes another one will sleep on my feet too. But I don’t share with anyone else. NO ONE. No humans. And to be honest, it’s only because I love my puss so much that I feel too guilty to tell her to cock off. She sleeps right by my pillow.

But I do not share a bed with my husband OR my kids. Ever. Nope. No sireeeeeee!

I used to be good at sharing a bed. But then I used to be good at sleeping. And I guess I was drunk a lot more in those days. As a teen you can sleep through anything can’t you? And sharing a bed with all and sundry was almost a prerequisite. Most of the time you’d fall unconscious, fully clothed and stinking after over-indulging on some substance or other (or was that just me?). And in fact this sleeping anywhere, through anything, carried on well into my student years. I think it’s the only way I coped with camping at Glastonbury the few times I went back in the ol’ days. Because I sure as shit don’t do “camping” these days.

As a kid I could never a share a bed. I’d be forced to share sometimes on weekends away with my snuffly, kicky, open-eyed-sleeping, annoying younger brother for example. I would be DISTRAUGHT if I was ever forced to endure staring at his zombified face for all the night hours! Thankfully this wasn’t a frequent occurrence.

But once you enter the big bad world of adulthood your grip on sleep becomes harder to retain. Whether it’s the increased responsibility of paying your own way, the early mornings from actually working at an actual job, or desperately fighting off the wafts of existential guilt by not wanting to “waste the day” on weekends. Add kids into the mix and you can kiss goodbye to feeling anything other than perma-pooped for the next 10-15 years. Sleep becomes such a precious commodity that sometimes you’d consider selling your youngest just for an extra 10 mins snooze in the morning (or….again, just me?!).

And so, as an adult, with young kids, a job, responsibilities …..Why on EARTH would you want to SHARE your bed?! To limit your space, to guilt you into rigidity, to steal covers from you, to oppress your need to breathe noisily through your nasal passages (ok, I mean snore) …..Why?!

OK so when my bubs were tiny-tiny I would sometimes doze off next to them after a feed but never for very long. Once they got to the wriggly stage they were put back in the cot….allowed back exclusively for cuddles, soothing or daytime. Even now if one of them has had a bad dream and they want to sleep in my bed, I’ll cuddle them until they fall asleep and then gently take them back to their own bed.

But my husband? No way. Oh yes, there IS that old thing….that “baby making” thing people do. My husband and I do that. We like doing that. And cuddles and kisses. We do that. And we like doing that too. But afterwards, we go to sleep in our separate beds which are side by side in our bedroom. And we can starfish and flail and get up for 20 thousand wees (ok I know that IS just me…) without the other one having a single dent in their REM cycle. It’s brilliant!

I know there are some crazies out there who love to cuddle up all night, love the warm feel of a hairy limb draped over one of their own less hairy limbs. But that’s not for us. And don’t get me wrong….we are very affectionate. That’s something I actually demand of everyone I ever meet. I flipping love a cwtch, me! We have cuddles and chats about the day every single night before bed. But then we sidle off to our own beds and get the best nights’ sleep we can.

I know people think we’re a bit odd. And I am quite sure that some may think it’s a sign of a relationship that’s doomed. But it’ll be our 10th anniversary next year. It works for us. And I am completely confident that not sharing a bed has contributed to us maintaining a happy, loving relationship.

So now, tell me….are you tempted to split that bed in two?

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Jess is a wine-addled, social media tart, *feminist and chronic over sharer. She lives in Cardiff with her husband, children (G-11/J-7) and some cats. Went to art school but after graduation got sucked into working for "the man". Now trying to claw her creative way out by fancying herself as a bit of writer. (*Intersectional/trans incl)

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