While I was pregnant I googled everything and apart from the odd few great blogs / sites, I found things either made me shit myself about this little person that was apparently gonna ruin my life or they made me think I would know everything because of my natural instincts as a woman – neither was true and neither helped! With that in mind, I thought to myself I’d write my own blog about my experiences and hopefully, other new parents will be able to relate in some way so lets start at the beginning ….

….Soooooo I was induced, didn’t work so after 4 days in hospital and over 24 hours in labour they decided to give me a c-section. All went smoothly although I could see what was happening as the light on the ceiling was mirrored…..why? It was like something out of Ichi the Killer (if you have never seen this, the link is below – gross). They put the baby on me skin to skin and she shit all down my side and then because of the pain killers, I vommed all over her – welcome to the world little one! Then the fun started …..

…..I realised very quickly that most of what you are told in antenatal classes is bollocks and most of what you are told in general is completely fucking useless information. People of the world don’t tell me about YOUR labour and give me shit advice like “sleep now while you get the chance” or “enjoy every minute it’ll fly by” tell me about the shit that is gonna freak me out in days to come, give me ACTUAL useful advice.

Some things I would have liked to have known:

• When you are in labour and you are being examined by the midwives to check dilation etc that really bloody hurts, I mean give me a contraction any day! You know you see TV programmes where they are helping a cow give birth – it feels the way that looks!!!!  And it happens every hour!!!
• The only pain relief you get after a section is paracetamol and ibuprofen. Why are they giving me the same stuff I take if I’ve got a hangover – you’ve just cut me open for fucks sake give me all of the drugs. ALL OF THEM!
• You have to stay in hospital for 3 or 4 days after a section –  I didn’t have enough clothes for myself or my baby so my husband to bring some in for us, safe to say we looked like a pair of tramps. He didn’t get me a any shoes so I had to wear my slippers home – ta very much love
• You cannot pick up your baby so outside of visiting hours you need to completely reply on the midwives and this feeling of helplessness made me feel like a bad mother. That’s bollocks and a stupid was way too look at it, there’s nothing you can do about it just take advantage of the help as it gets harder when you go home believe me
• Your baby will, out of no where, start choking and throwing up this liquidy mucus stuff and it actually sounds like they are dying, It is the scariest thing ever especially when you can barely move and if your like me, you end up shouting like a nutter “my baby is dying, why won’t you help me”. Dramatic much! It happens more than once
• I got a bit delusional with the pain, lack of sleep and general knackeredness of the whole thing – I was asking my husband what the crocodile man said as I’m sure he said we could go home, clearly off my tits on sleep deprivation and pain.
• The 3 day blues is a real thing, I felt like shit day 3 after the baby I was so emotionally drained that all I did was cry and beg to go home – I am known in my circle as a bit of an ice queen – I say realist – so this shocked me and my husband. I just didn’t feel like I could cope and it was the worst 24 hours of my life
• When I got home it became really hard for my husband, he suddenly had a wife and baby to look after and a house to maintain. He was getting less sleep than me because he wanted me to get strong and he ended up running himself down – don’t be afraid to ask for help outside of your household, I wish we did.
• Feeding and the stresses around this is such a biggy that I’m going to write a separate blog about it as I’ve got a lot to say on the matter

These are all quite small things that if I had been prepared for would have helped I think, It’s hard to prepare for the truly overwhelming feeling of love, fear, pain, doubt but knowing some of the above might of helped.

There are probably loads of other things I will think of and as they come to mind I’ll throw them in other posts etc.