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Things That Are More Elastic Than My Skin
As you can see from the above actual photo, sometimes skin can’t handle the demands of a little human (wuss) and simply gives up. The end result is a stomach that resembles the saggy bum of a 500
Childbirth and child rising have millions of intrinsic benefits (actually, only like three or four) and the journey makes you stronger in mind, body (exception for the bladder), and soul. Apparently, the skin is just a lazy bastard and can’t keep up. So skin, this list is for you, you quitter.
Things that are more elastic than my skin:
My Sanity
My Fat Day Trousers
Any Trampoline (polypropylene can bounce back after 15 billion kids jump on it, but skin, you can’t handle three, you loser)
Elastic Girl
Slinky (Note: this only applies to one that has never been touched by a child under 10)
Economic modeling of the price of Coke v Pepsi
My Patience
Resistance Training Bands that help make, another one, Muscles!
Sia’s heart
My tolerance of Disney show theme songs
So skin, there are ten decent examples of elasticity that you lack. Defeatist sloth!