Things to do in the evenings with a tweenage boy

Carron Stacey - 23 Oct 17

I just had a conversation with my tween. He’s been sloping upstairs to play on his XBox every evening. The last few weeks, we’ve been visiting family and had family staying – I have let him on it more frequently to avoid arguments. Before you all start shouting at me, he does sport nearly every night either after school or early evening; sometimes both. He plays out with his friends often. But recently on a Friday, he’s been so tired from school (and all the new learning that comes with starting secondary school) that he’s come home straight from school and flopped on his bed upstairs.

So I asked my son what he’d like to do with me. Play a game? No I don’t like games. Play cards? No I don’t like cards. Do a jigsaw? No. (Don’t laugh, we do like our jigsaws!) We do have a routine of reading in bed together for a half an hour before his bedtime, and we do like watching some TV programmes together occasionally. His dad and I tried to talk to him last night about having hobbies. No to model making. No to cooking. He would consider drawing with me, which is something we have done together on holiday.

Fake-crying, I told him I didn’t want him to grow up. He said I’d had many years of playing with him. I wasn’t actually faking the upset inside. He then sloped upstairs. I did the next best thing – rang my bestie. She’s feeling a little bereft as her son has left for university and they all, including his year 6 sister, miss him terribly. But out of our discussions came these nuggets:

• Feel the pride – I feel proud of his achievements in football at the moment. My bestie feels proud that he has actually got to uni.
• Enjoy the football – while I can’t play with him, I can support him from the sidelines. I’ve always enjoyed watching him and I need to focus on this.
• Make the most of mealtimes – we’ve always eaten together, but we’ve made more of an effort during year 7 to eat at the table (nothing to do with the front room being out of action due to decorating!). This gives us time to chat about what happened at school, what was good and what his lessons were like.
• Help with the homework – I don’t mean do it for him, like making a model for him when he was in year 2, but aid him in getting organised. I test him on his Spanish vocab and key phrases for geography and history.
• Make friends with his friends – I’ve always encouraged him to have his mates round, as he’s an only child. Now he’s meeting new people, I am getting to meet them too.
• Join in with his interests – whilst I can’t play XBox (well I might one day to shock him!) I can encourage him to run with me. We do play badminton together occasionally too, as he can beat me as opposed to his ultra-competitive dad!

We all did it – I certainly stayed upstairs lots when I was his age. I listened to music, played with make-up, read … I suppose it’s a stage they all go through. He may reappear in a few years when he’s fed up with the XBox! Is this enough? Only time will tell.

Carron Stacey

Carron Stacey, a late-40s mum who works in school to keep her sanity. Enjoys the beach and the humdrum things in life. Mum to a tweenie boy, living on the coast in the UK.

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