TIME TO MAKE THAT CHANGE!

MAMA SNOWBEAR - 10 Feb 18

As I sit here earl grey in one hand, laptop in front of me ready for my morning admin tasks, reading records signed and term time homework complete for Tuesdays deadline. I thought it might be time to just take a step off the hamster wheel, reflect, and chill.

I remember watching the Truman show years ago and god that movie made so much sense to me! Nevertheless, right now I’m feeling so relatable to Jim Carey, in fact if he were here right now I would make him a cuppa and sit and chat for days whilst moon gazing.

My number one job is being the best Mummy I can be to my two beautiful blonde and blue eyed babies and I gave up the original idea of a high flying career in the Art industry down south for one that was a little more civilised and caring, (in other words my priorities changed for the better). Then Daddy also started to work away in the big smoke a lot and I thought it would be best for the little ones if they had someone who was a constant in their day-to-day lives, even if i did finish another degree amongst the new born madness. Lucky for us, this was financially doable and Mummy was able to work from home in the land of Narnia, which happens to be my art studio.

Now my gorgeous doe eyed little fair-headed pair are both in full time school and here I am…just me! All on my lonesome until 3pm. I still need to be they’re for the school runs and I have my ‘stay at home’ Mum jobs to do, but today everything changed.

I decided to face the situation, fuck the “stay at home motherhood” system, and go get a new full time job. Alongside the one, I have as well as being the cog that holds this household together of course, not that many appreciate how much a mothers work is, it is something that will always be taken for granted in my eyes. So it’s safe to say I feel like a women on top of the world right now because I get a little bit of me time back.

However I still can’t shake that sense of guilt knowing that perhaps I won’t make every school run, someone else other than me will have to chip in and help with that. I think this sense of independence is good not only for me but for everyone around me too, we all have to play our part and now school is making me partially redundant for most of the day taking advantage is what I am going to do.

I have seen enough ironing piles to last me a life time and they will still be there when I get back and so will the homework so I thought fuck it, I am doing something for mummy.

This stay at home mum thing, feeling like a complete Cinderella is not ideal for me, because like my husband said I’m a strong independent women. I think if I heard another brain cell die, I might combust and let’s face it daytime telly is shit and if I watch another judge rinder episode I may become an expert in law just by watching it so many times on a TV. How do people do this everyday willingly? For the first 5 or 6 years of our children’s lives, I get it, but cheese on bread I need some me time back.

So, I ask…what about me? I once had a brain you know and I certainly still do have one somewhere up their amongst the baby brain land and house hold chores duties and painting workshops. I have a brain that is beyond checking bath temperatures, feeding minions and ensuring that uniforms are hung and ready for the week commencing, alongside homework and daddy’s work clothes.

I started to feel a little lost of my identity and being a full time stay at home mummy can heighten this sometimes. The cog of the daily tasks as if I were in the Truman show myself started to become a little overwhelming for me, I don’t believe in getting stuck in a rut I believe in action. We may not always get the re-action we want but without waves, there are no tides, God I’m bloody lucky I do not “have” to work – and I know that! In addition, maybe I just had the New Year blues. Nevertheless, it is now 2018, so come give me what you have, I am ready to rumble.

The Mum guilt has hit me but hey motherhood guilt you will not defeat me, mum time will make me an even better mummy so do me a favour and bugger off please , being independant of our children is ok too , yes it’s hard but we got this it doesn’t mean we care any less.

Ps. every mummy needs to watch bad moms, it’s shamazing. x

Pps. if you want to try something new , just do it x

MAMA SNOWBEAR

Mother of 2,Artist ,creator,blogger and illustrator who enjoys lots of tea and the occasional glass of malbec :)

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