To breastfeed or not to breastfeed…

Elizabeth McShane - 17 May 16

So here I am 9 months down the line of breastfeeding my second child. It hasn’t been easy, but easier than the first child at least who I breastfed for a year, somehow.

To anyone who thinks I’m going to say we should all be doing it, I’m not, as I understand. I understand that in those early days having a baby on your boob can feel weird for some. Having a baby on your boob can be almost constant, painful and limiting for the rest of your life including other children.

My eldest son initially wanted to feed for an hour at a time and sleep for maybe 30 mins in between in the night for weeks on end. My husband lay snoring next to me and some nights I felt so angry with him for it I could almost reach out and hit him. I had scabs that covered my nipples and a baby so colicky and fidgety I didn’t know what to do. I saw a breastfeeding counsellor who told me the baby had a good latch and that I shouldn’t be finding it painful…but I did. Added with the general rabbit in the headlights feeling of being a first time parent it was tough. Many a time I said ‘I can’t do this anymore’ and somehow I kept going with the hope of an improvement.

My son was a restless feeder and wouldn’t ever tolerate a feeding cover, constantly detaching from me feeding was often uncomfortable and if people saw me breastfeed in public that generally meant they would see more of me than would normally be necessary. So yes, I am proud to have done it, I got through it until it did get a little easier, I got a little hardier and my baby became a bit more manageable (once a dairy allergy was diagnosed and I cut it out of my diet).

Looking back I am sure I did what was best for my sons nutrition. Did I do what was best for me? Certainty not, and I can’t help wondering whether it would have had a knock on effect on him in some way too. I was exhausted to the point of tears some days and couldn’t deal with colic on no sleep.

For me a balance needs to be made, if good intentions start to effect the mental health of a parent then how good are they really? I say breastfeed if you can cope with it. If it is making you miserable consider if its more important that your baby wants a happy Mummy as your mental health is important.  The pressure to breastfeed can be so intense sometimes you can loose track of everything else.

My second baby is a relative breeze to feed. My body seems to know what it’s doing, the allergy related fussing is not there and he is generally just a bit more chilled. It is a more enjoyable experience all round. I guess every child and circumstance is different and the most important thing is that everyone will be ok in the end.

Elizabeth McShane

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