To sleep perchance to dream

Georgina Fuller - 29 Oct 16

I don’t know about you, but for me sleep and getting enough of it became something of an obsession almost from the moment I found out I was pregnant, at the grand old age of 30. Whereas my 20’s had often revolved around the other thing you do whilst (mostly) horizontal in bed, I suddenly realized that all those lie-ins I had taken for granted for so long may soon become a thing of the past. This wasn’t helped by the fact that every single person I met when my bump started to show gleefully reminded me about the inevitable sleepless nights to come.

The thing is though, I have never been a good sleeper. One of my earliest memories is of lying awake, aged three or four, waiting for the lights of my dad’s car to appear on the ceiling and to hear his footsteps on the stairs so I would know that he was home safely. Or creeping downstairs to hide behind the sofa and watch Dynasty or Dallas. I remember one particularly terrifying episode of Miss Marple, where I saw a dead woman in a wardrobe called Beatrice. Her eyes were wide open and she was staring at the camera like a stunned fish. It gave me nightmares for years and my brother only had to say the name ‘Beatrice’ to make me shudder.

During my teens I would often stay up lamenting some trivial episode from the school bus or eating my heart out over my love life. When my mother died when I was in my 20’s, I hardly slept for days and even the temazapam my GP gave me didn’t work. In the run up to my wedding, I stayed awake for hours fretting about table plans, my ‘gradual’ Dale Winton tan and whether I should have had favours on the tables.

So I wasn’t that surprised to read in a recent report that more than a third (37%) of us Brits think they don’t get enough sleep. The survey of 1000 people by Aviva found that 25% of us list getting a better night’s sleep as a top priority.

I draw some comfort from that and also from the fact that some of my favourite celebs suffer from the dreaded insomnia too. Marilyn Monroe was crippled by it and Madonna and Lady Gaga are also known to be prolific night owls. Which just goes to show, all the fame and money in the world can’t buy you a good night’s sleep.

By the time I got pregnant, I was very used to sleepless nights. I knew I could function quite well on very little sleep and being pregnant, constantly uncomfortable and waking up to wee every few hours was quite good preparation for what was to come. In fact, when our first child was born after a (sleepless) three day labour, I remember the sweet relief of only being mentally and emotionally exhausted rather than physically exhausted by the pregnancy. It really wasn’t quite as bad as I thought. Especially after spending the last nine months lying awake worrying about whether the cheese I’d eaten earlier was properly pasteurised or that there was a vitamin A in the multivitamins I’d been taking and that some obscure report has linked that to birth defects.

My guilty secret – and one that I don’t admit at any playgroups or to some of my mum friends – is that my three children (now 7, 4 and 2) all sleep through the night and have done pretty much consistently since they were three to five months old. Please don’t hate me for saying that. If your kids don’t sleep through then you probably feel the sort of antipathy I feel towards those who say their children don’t fight. Smug gits!

I know it would seem sanctimonious to talk about the fact that mine sleep soundly whilst my friends complain of waking up to find their toddler sitting on their face at 4:30am again. But, more often than not, I’ve lain awake till 2am worrying about some existential crap or woken up at 5am and laid there for two hours whilst the rest of the house sleeps. Three kids equals three lots of worry.

Getting my kids to sleep through the night seems to be the one and only thing I’ve ever nailed with this whole parenting business. I’ve struggled with so many other aspects – getting them to eat well and variedly, potty training, trying to make them fairly civilized little people etc. The one thing I’ve always been really hot and consistent with is bed time and it seems to have worked – for the toddler and four-year old at least. The soon to be eight year-old now messes around on the landing for an hour or so every freaking night then wakes up at about 6:30am.

I wonder if any other mums find themselves in the same ironic predicament as me – suffering from insomnia whilst having children that sleep soundly? I’d love to know if you do and if you have any tips on how to deal with it.

For more info and tips see: www.aviva.co.uk/private-health-insurance/health-tips/work-life-balance/article/banish-sleep-problems/

Georgina Fuller

Georgina Fuller is a freelance journalist, reluctant realist and mother of three; Charlie (8), Edward (5) and Jemima (3.) She writes for The Daily Telegraph, The Guardian, Red, Smallish, Little London magazine and anyone else who pays her. After eight years in London, she now lives in a Midsomer Murdersesque village on the edge of the Cotswolds.

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