To the mama who feels like she’s failing

Chiara Evans - 12 Dec 18

To the mama who is feeling like she’s failing, who feels like she is constantly juggling all the things. I see you. I get it.

To the mama who is feeling like her feet don’t touch the ground at the moment while Christmas crazy takes over. It’s ok to say no to some things (or just not show up).

To the mama who locks herself into the bathroom because she just needs to be somewhere that no one can get her for two minutes, I’ve done that.

For the mama who is in a constant state of anxiety and worry. Worry about the kids, the house, the money, the world. I wish I could take the worry away for a few moments.

Sometimes I think about what would happen if I broke my leg. Would the magic fairies turn up and tell me to sit down, they’ll look after my children, the house, the dogs, the business, the finances. It’ll all be fine. And then I realise that a broken leg would just mean trying to figure out how to do the school run with a cast on.

Most of the mamas I know don’t stop. You never bloody stop. You keep going through it all. You do the day shift and the night shift. You keep going when you’re poorly. You keep going when the kids are poorly and the delicate balance of family life is teetering on the edge. You keep going when you’ve had no sleep, when you’ve just give birth and to the other extreme, when you’ve lost someone. Just take a minute and marvel at that. When you’re feeling your lowest, that you have no strength left and your cup is bone dry, you carry on.

I don’t really have any practical magical solutions. I don’t know the magic fairies who will move in and make it all ok. I wish I did. I have no family nearby. It’s just me and my little (big) family.

But I’m discovering things that help me.

Doing things I enjoy. I enjoy a good box of biscuits and a game of monopoly or cards. (Even if I loose and the toddler is a nightmare). I make the family go to the beach on the first day of every school holiday. It helps me not feel the overwhelm of feeling like I’m not giving my kids a good holiday. Finding things that prioritise me and when I’m happy the kids are too.

Say no to things/yes to everything
I’m someone who needs just a few activities a week. Otherwise the crazy sets in. I have a good friend of mine who needs to be doing lots of things. Get the balance right. Say yes to things or say no to things. Listen to what YOU need to do.

Be kind to yourself. Please, for fucks sake, start being nice to yourself. It’s not something I’m good at. But I’m working on it. It makes a massive difference. Cut yourself some slack. You’re human. A pretty wonderful one. But your in a body that is dependent on the weather, the food, the hormones, the sleep. Some days you’ll feel fab and others not so. Neither is better than the other. So be kind.

Let go of perfection. I have high standards. But I’m learning to let go. Not everything needs doing today.

Babywear (well I had to include it.) But for real, one of the things I like about it, is that baby or toddler feels happy (or not but at least cuddles, ya know). You have your hands free. Go for a walk, play on your phone, listen to a podcast. Let the sling take the strain for a while.

I want you to know that you are seen and noticed. Your hard work is not for nothing. Even when it feels like it is. Mothering is a gift to the whole world. Thank you. And be kind to you xx

Chiara Evans

Mama to 4, married to my super hero, lover of cake, drinker of gin, babywearing advocate, breastfeeding mama, catholic mama. Trying my best.

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