To three or not to three? That is the question…

SassyB - 21 Jan 18

I’m at that stage in my motherhood journey when friends from old and friends I met through having my little boy have started having more babies. Even people I don’t know that well are pregnant. In fact, there are three women sitting within 10 feet of me right now who are having babies this year.

It feels like everyone in the world is busy baby-making while I’m still struggling to work out how to raise our toddler to be a proper functioning member of society. Because, let’s be honest, to get any level of compliance from him right now requires a ready supply of biscuit-shaped snacks and bribes on a massive scale. We also regularly resort to toy hostage situations and relax the rules a little too often to get what we want out of him (no food or drinks on the sofa? Yeh, right.) None of these are particularly good examples to set, I know, but that’s why having another shot at it could work.

It’s something that’s been on my mind recently and it’s not just because of all the pregnant ladies waving their beautiful bumpy bellies in my face. My baby is getting bigger – he’ll be two in a couple of months. That makes him an actual child, not an infant. Before I know it he’ll be starting reception, sitting his SATs (if they even exist then), moving onto secondary school and getting girlfriends or boyfriends and while I’ll enjoy the freedom that having a child who can feed, dress and entertain himself will bring, I just don’t know if I’m done yet.

The issue is that unlike my friends we wouldn’t be going from one to two. My other half was already one up on me when we met and my step-daughter is as much a part of our family as anyone else. We already have two, so we’d be going to three. THREE KIDS. We’d be outnumbered by small people and, as I’ve already proven, I don’t have total control over the ones that we have in the house now. My sister has three kids and I regularly find myself saying “I just don’t know how she does it.” It’s loud, chaotic, and someone is usually bickering with someone else. There are constant shouts of “stop!” and “share!” and she has to plan her family’s every movement with military precision else they don’t get anywhere. They have an actual van FFS. Genuinely, it’s an ex-AA van. That’s what they need to be able to get anywhere or do anything with three kids.

But amongst all that, they’re the best of friends. They have the most awesome camping holidays together where they just spend time as a fivesome, in the sun and in the pool. The youngest idolises the eldest and the eldest is old enough to stay home and watch the smaller two – so that’s free childcare right there. The middley is the only girl so she’s doted on by her brothers, and she loves them both so much that she actually asked to share a room with the baby when he was old enough and picks movie nights in with the biggest over doing the usual ‘fun’ stuff kids her age (you know, soft play etc).

There’s five-and-a-bit years between my step-daughter and the toddler. She’s seven now and already has moments of closing her bedroom door on him to do her own thing in peace (How does that work if you’re a mum by the way? Would you get reported? Asking for a friend…) so I reckon we have a maximum of about four years before playing with her little brother really isn’t that fun to do any more. And then what? I hate the thought that when he’s 12, she’ll be 18 and maybe at uni, or moved out for work. It’ll just be him, the only child in the house and as much as he wants to be by my best friend/touching me/within one inch of me ALL OF THE TIME right now I’m pretty certain that a 12-year-old boy isn’t going to want to spend most of his time with his mama. Sob. A little play mate would be ideal for him – he loves puppies, so I’m 99% certain he’d feel the same way about a baby. It could work out perfectly…just as her interest in entertaining him wanes he’d have a new sibling to terrorise. The logistics and noise and busyness of it all would work itself out, I’m sure, and the fun and love, and all the best bits of having a happy home full of kids would outweigh all the shouting and bribery. And I already have a seven-seater car, so we wouldn’t need to invest in a massive, yellow van.

Yes. Three could* just be the magic number. Just got to convince the other half…

*Likely to change because, toddlers.

SassyB

Mum to one and step-mum to another, working and living in the Midlands. I used to write about other people, now I'm trying my hand at writing about myself. Pretty much only had a baby so I could dress someone up in a costume at least once a week...

View profile for posts, events and more info