Today I have my first DV counselling session

Mybigsecret - 21 Nov 16

Today I have my first domestic violence counselling session.  To be honest, it seems self indulgent in many ways, but I know deep down that it is necessary.

For years I believed that I could deal with this section of my past on my own.  Actually, I thought that I had managed it quite well.  I escaped, built a new life for myself, did well and work and had a family with a lovely, kind and respectful man.  No-one had any idea what had happened during those dark years except me and the bad man.  He’s gone now.

All of those memories were hidden in an impenetrable box with chains firmly secured around it.  The box was locked and buried deep in my subconscious.  A perfect solution to the problem!

Although it wasn’t because of one key thing – my diaries.

Sometimes I read them like an inquisitive voyeur. I soak up the words, trying to remember that specific situation. Often I’m just feeling numb. I read them as an onlooker. I read the thoughts and feelings of a young woman in a pretty dire situation and I feel desperately sorry for her.

As I look back with the luxury of hindsight, knowledge and experience, I just wish she had asked for help sooner. I now know that her family and friends wouldn’t have hesitated to help her.  They loved her dearly and still do. She didn’t need to wait so long. There was help available. Lots of help in lots of different places. Perhaps, all these years later, she wouldn’t be dealing with these flashbacks and crushing emotions if she had just told someone at the time.

So that’s why I need this session today, and next week and maybe for many weeks after that.

I’m scared because I have to open that Pandora’s Box today.

Yet I know it’s the right thing to do.

Mybigsecret

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