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As the day approaches, you have your testing stick ready. You input your symptoms in your tracking apps and convince yourself this is the month. Then Aunt Flo comes to town and your hopes are shattered again.
The first time I tried, it took a few months but to be fair I read all the statistics on conceiving and was convinced it will take a while. So I wasn’t phased when it took time.
After my daughter, when I started trying, I wanted a short age gap so I was patient and focused but once I got pregnant I relaxed because first time is ok. That’s
SelfishMother.com
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why the miscarriage rocked my world- I didn’t see it coming.
Trying for the rainbow baby has been such a challenge: I wonder if there is an underlying issue or the next one might end as a miscarriage too.
I can’t even imagine what it is like when you are trying for first child. I wanted to share my experience because it is a lonely struggle when you are trying for a second. Since not many people understand the grief of miscarriage, I hope by sharing my feelings someone feels a little less alone.
People carry the grief of miscarriage in
SelfishMother.com
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silence. I have had random blubbering moments like when my daughter was coming over a child at a cafe, and it became a bonding moment with the mom because she went through it with both her children. She understood what I was grappling with: I carry grief for not giving my daughter the baby she dreams of, for not having the family we envisioned.
Each month I try and stay active, eat healthy, have my vitamins and focus on being relaxed. As I get closer to testing date, I try not to get excited but you can’t help your mind from wandering and jumping to
SelfishMother.com
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conclusions. And then when it’s not, you shatter – you remember what could have been and feel the loss again. You wonder when it will happen and the period is an ugly reminder of everything that you are missing. And when it is over, you have to pull yourself together and start again.
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Rohini Regunathan - 25 Apr 18
As the day approaches, you have your testing stick ready. You input your symptoms in your tracking apps and convince yourself this is the month. Then Aunt Flo comes to town and your hopes are shattered again.
The first time I tried, it took a few months but to be fair I read all the statistics on conceiving and was convinced it will take a while. So I wasn’t phased when it took time.
After my daughter, when I started trying, I wanted a short age gap so I was patient and focused but once I got pregnant I relaxed because first time is ok. That’s why the miscarriage rocked my world- I didn’t see it coming.
Trying for the rainbow baby has been such a challenge: I wonder if there is an underlying issue or the next one might end as a miscarriage too.
I can’t even imagine what it is like when you are trying for first child. I wanted to share my experience because it is a lonely struggle when you are trying for a second. Since not many people understand the grief of miscarriage, I hope by sharing my feelings someone feels a little less alone.
People carry the grief of miscarriage in silence. I have had random blubbering moments like when my daughter was coming over a child at a cafe, and it became a bonding moment with the mom because she went through it with both her children. She understood what I was grappling with: I carry grief for not giving my daughter the baby she dreams of, for not having the family we envisioned.
Each month I try and stay active, eat healthy, have my vitamins and focus on being relaxed. As I get closer to testing date, I try not to get excited but you can’t help your mind from wandering and jumping to conclusions. And then when it’s not, you shatter – you remember what could have been and feel the loss again. You wonder when it will happen and the period is an ugly reminder of everything that you are missing. And when it is over, you have to pull yourself together and start again.
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Mom to two amazing girls, amateur photographer... love travel, flowers, and all things pretty or funny!
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