close
SM-Stamp-Join-1
  • Selfish Mother is the most brilliant blogging platform. Join here for free & you can post a blog within minutes. We don't edit or approve your words before they go live - it's up to you. And, with our cool new 'squares' design - you can share your blog to Instagram, too. What are you waiting for? Come join in! We can't wait to read what YOU have to say...

  • Your basic information

  • Your account information

View as: GRID LIST

Mum to a teen and a toddler!

1
I had my son when I was just 16 and my daughter arrived a whole 17 years later after much heartache and 3 gruelling rounds of IVF. The list of differences far out weighs the similarities between my two experiences from my relationships, conception, pregnancy and preparation, birth, treatment in hospital, baby blues, parenting, state of mind to the support, reaction and judgment of others.
I’ve been a mother for the majority of my existence, it’s all I know. I adore my mummy bubble but that doesn’t stop me having the odd mini melt down every now and
SelfishMother.com
2
again, mourning the loss of my late teenage years and my entire twenties. The most recent one; it dawned on me I will never appear on Love Island! It was late, I was sleep deprived and my husband had been annoying, ok I don’t really want to go on the programme but it’s the being carefree (just for an hour or so) I sometimes crave.
Anyway back to the now 2 year old and 19 year old… The 2 year old is far easier to handle, even with the toddler tantrums and daily negotiations we battle though at least I know where she is on a Friday night, she enjoys
SelfishMother.com
3
my company (I think!) and I get an endless stream of heart melting kisses and cuddles. Teens are tough there is no way round it. Mine in particular knows it all and I apparently know nothing, my pearls of wisdom count for very little and I am genuinely only graced with his presence when he wants something. I am not sure when this changes?!! I will persevere, I have no choice but I hope it’s before he’s 30!!
I often beat myself up because hindsight is a wonderful thing and how I wish I could go back and have him all over again knowing what I know now.
SelfishMother.com
4
We had a tough start, his dad and I stuck it out until we were in our early 20’s but by then we had grown into two very different people so it was just me and my boy. He was my little shadow, my best friend and my greatest achievement.  I realised I needed to make something of myself for him, I wanted to give him the world and make him proud. I worked hard and put myself through uni, at times money was so tight and I could cry when I think back to that young girl struggling on. From the moment he was born I have never been my priority so when they
SelfishMother.com
5
become teenagers (moods, hormones, backchat) it can be a bit of a kick in the teeth! Where is my reward??? Where the hell is my sweet, innocent, loving mammy’s boy! I demand him back!!!
My advice for what it’s worth; pick your battles wisely, I often ask myself ’how big of a deal do I want to make of this?’, try to remember yourself as a teenager, what did you need, why did you act out, how did you feel? Some of my son’s most irritating traits actually make me cringe because they remind me of myself so much! I was no angel at his age (I didn’t end
SelfishMother.com
6
up with him from staying in every night doing my homework), I want so much more for him but I must remind myself this is his life and I can’t relive my youth through him, he has to make mistakes to learn about himself.
When things DO get heated, don’t make threats or rash decisions, take a time-out, give yourself a moment to think rationally. I often hear people say ’who’s the adult’ but recently during some restorative conflict resolution training at work a very wise man said to me ’we are all still kids on the inside really’ and I strongly
SelfishMother.com
7
agree with this.
Try not to beat yourself up, you’re doing your best (my daily mantra). And if all else fails pretend you are being filmed for some reality tv show on parenting (think Super Nanny), how would the ideal you react if the world was watching, mad I know but it has been my saviour once or twice!
Whatever I really don’t wish a moment away with my toddler – the teething, tantrums, sleepless nights – I embrace them all because even on the most draining, monotonous, thankless of days I remind myself how quickly these last 19 years have
SelfishMother.com
8
passed…
SelfishMother.com

By

This blog was originally posted on SelfishMother.com - why not sign up & share what's on your mind, too?

Why not write for Selfish Mother, too? You can sign up for free and post immediately.


We regularly share posts on @SelfishMother Instagram and Facebook :)

- 16 Aug 16

I had my son when I was just 16 and my daughter arrived a whole 17 years later after much heartache and 3 gruelling rounds of IVF. The list of differences far out weighs the similarities between my two experiences from my relationships, conception, pregnancy and preparation, birth, treatment in hospital, baby blues, parenting, state of mind to the support, reaction and judgment of others.

I’ve been a mother for the majority of my existence, it’s all I know. I adore my mummy bubble but that doesn’t stop me having the odd mini melt down every now and again, mourning the loss of my late teenage years and my entire twenties. The most recent one; it dawned on me I will never appear on Love Island! It was late, I was sleep deprived and my husband had been annoying, ok I don’t really want to go on the programme but it’s the being carefree (just for an hour or so) I sometimes crave.

Anyway back to the now 2 year old and 19 year old… The 2 year old is far easier to handle, even with the toddler tantrums and daily negotiations we battle though at least I know where she is on a Friday night, she enjoys my company (I think!) and I get an endless stream of heart melting kisses and cuddles. Teens are tough there is no way round it. Mine in particular knows it all and I apparently know nothing, my pearls of wisdom count for very little and I am genuinely only graced with his presence when he wants something. I am not sure when this changes?!! I will persevere, I have no choice but I hope it’s before he’s 30!!

I often beat myself up because hindsight is a wonderful thing and how I wish I could go back and have him all over again knowing what I know now. We had a tough start, his dad and I stuck it out until we were in our early 20’s but by then we had grown into two very different people so it was just me and my boy. He was my little shadow, my best friend and my greatest achievement.  I realised I needed to make something of myself for him, I wanted to give him the world and make him proud. I worked hard and put myself through uni, at times money was so tight and I could cry when I think back to that young girl struggling on. From the moment he was born I have never been my priority so when they become teenagers (moods, hormones, backchat) it can be a bit of a kick in the teeth! Where is my reward??? Where the hell is my sweet, innocent, loving mammy’s boy! I demand him back!!!

My advice for what it’s worth; pick your battles wisely, I often ask myself ‘how big of a deal do I want to make of this?’, try to remember yourself as a teenager, what did you need, why did you act out, how did you feel? Some of my son’s most irritating traits actually make me cringe because they remind me of myself so much! I was no angel at his age (I didn’t end up with him from staying in every night doing my homework), I want so much more for him but I must remind myself this is his life and I can’t relive my youth through him, he has to make mistakes to learn about himself.

When things DO get heated, don’t make threats or rash decisions, take a time-out, give yourself a moment to think rationally. I often hear people say ‘who’s the adult’ but recently during some restorative conflict resolution training at work a very wise man said to me ‘we are all still kids on the inside really’ and I strongly agree with this.
Try not to beat yourself up, you’re doing your best (my daily mantra). And if all else fails pretend you are being filmed for some reality tv show on parenting (think Super Nanny), how would the ideal you react if the world was watching, mad I know but it has been my saviour once or twice!

Whatever I really don’t wish a moment away with my toddler – the teething, tantrums, sleepless nights – I embrace them all because even on the most draining, monotonous, thankless of days I remind myself how quickly these last 19 years have passed…

Did you enjoy this post? If so please support the writer: like, share and comment!


Why not join the SM CLUB, too? You can share posts & events immediately. It's free!

Post Tags


Keep up to date with Selfish Mother — Sign up for our newsletter and follow us on social media