Two under two diaries – life so far

Alexandra Rojas - 5 Nov 18

It’s 12.25 am and this is my new favourite time for me time, everyone is asleep and who knows for how long so I’d better hurry!

A little bit about us. My two under two gorgeous girls are 18 months and 11 weeks, yes you heard it right they are 15 months apart and hell NO, it was not planned that way. My husband is from India and I am from Peru, we are in our mid thirties and we met in the UK over 8 years ago. We call home a small two bed flat in West London. I am on maternity leave and he works full time.

When friends and colleagues asked how come I was pregnant second time around I was open to share that it was a happy accident. But most of them either tried to scare me of how difficult it would be to have such close siblings and others would praise us for being such brave 4×4 all terrain kind of couple to go for the second one so soon. And yes both sets of people were right, it is super hard to look after a tiny human let alone two of them who constantly need different kinds of attention but also requires a lot of courage. So to those parents who proactively looked for 2 under 2 or twins let me tell you you are  much braver than I’ll ever dream to be and I am glad to be part of this exclusive club and wouldn’t change it for the world. 

After 11 weeks of this parenting upgrade I have been able to digest the madness that has been going and wanted to share with whoever was curious or expecting their second. Everything they say about being hard is true but multiply by 3 times, having two no matter the age gap is tough and surely every age gap has its pros and cons but I can safely say 2 under 2 is madness, at least this is just a summary of what it has been for us so far:

• pregnancy with your second is far from romantic – you are still on baby mode, considering I got pregnant when my daughter was only 6 months, and good or not you don’t fixate on the pregnancy as much as your first, suddenly the aches and pains are less bothersome or not attributable to growing a baby as most likely is because you are running after your elder who is crawling or learning to walk. On the plus side, you do know what to expect and are more attuned with your growing baby, this I am sure is the key reason my youngest was born safely by emergency c-section after I realised something just wasn’t right and ran to the hospital one summer evening
• Sleep (or any kind of rest) is seriously escarce – this might seem an obvious one but the sleep deprivation is bordering on some sort of advance type of torture! the baby feeds every 3 hours and the toddler has regressed to waking at ridiculous hours like 2, 3, 4 am; do the maths and if I happen to go to bed by say 10 pm I might get 3 hours sleep on a good night
• Getting out of the house requires meticulous timing – when you have a toddler who loves ‘outsideeeee’ more than milk itself and says it in repeat mode until we actually do and a baby who needs to be nursed at certain times, stepping out can take anything between 30 mins to hours so planning and starting to get ready like 4 hours in advance has been key to making it to the high street at some point during the day
• Staying outside on your own can be a Herculean task – there are days they both play game and is fabulous, I even dared go into a coffee shop and gulp (and burn my throat) a dangerously hot coffee but there are other days when a stroll to the playground can turn into a proper nightmare, desperate cries for a feed and an end of the world type of meltdown because 40 times belly down the slide isn’t enough. I’ve been there a few days back at my wits ends and called my husband for help i.e. got him out of the house while on a work call to come help strap my contortionist toddler into the buggy
• Your marriage goes through another rough patch second time around – it is certainly far easier to take care of a newborn now that we have ‘experience’ but the pressure on the relationship comes from completely unknown dynamics when the fact is you never got out of the baby phase and first rough patch and then add a toddler to the mix. We do bicker a LOT more, keep scores (soiled nappies and hours slept mostly) and do less things together, and all of this after sleeping 3 miserable hours so we are at our snappiest selves. But we have to be ok with it for now, in a few months things will get a little more manageable and we will ease back into old us which is really a lot of fun with some bickering involved just for fun
• Me time is also escarce – At the end of a tough day, the last thing you want is to chat or even watch that show you used to enjoy, you are longing (at least I am) for some alone time and sometimes that is a shower or and audio book for just 15 mins, after which is normally 9.30/10 pm and off I go to bed without knowing how my husband’s day went or replying all those whatsapp messages from my lovely family and friends
• I fell in love with my second as powerfully as with my first, they have had different journeys into the world and are so specially unique. I think I always thought I’d love my second one a little less (yeah I did wonder that) but no way Jose, I’d kill for them both and my heart chuckles just as much with an adorable agoo as with my toddler’s new antics
• No sibling rivalry so far but unbelievable, heart melting love for each other. It’s amazing how much love and excitement my toddler shows for her little sister, exchanges include: kisses all over her tiny body sometimes unnecessary slobbering, pointing and naming her body parts, calling her name and telling her I love you in two languages and telling her to calm down or alert us when she is crying. The baby also looks up tonher sister, and constantly follows her voice, also gets annoyed when she wakes us all up so early but who can blame her! At the other end of the spectrum, my toddler craves for our undivided attention, there are times she wishes both of us were there hands free (sans baby) to just be with her to play or put her to sleep. And that can only be ok; after all, we did rattle her world as she knew it upside down and she is just too young to fully comprehend we adore her as much or more than we ever did now that there is four of us.

It’s now 6 am, as I predicted I was up at 4 with my toddler calling me mamaaa very loudly but in the sweetest voice and been up with her since. We’ve had breakfast together and are now about to watch the news so that I can feel a bit more in touch with the world before getting ready to go about our day, take her to nursery and as every day for the past 11 weeks hope that I can do at least three things today: squeeze in a quick workout, shower and take a nap at some point. If anything else gets done that’s a bonus, so wish me luck.

Alexandra Rojas

View profile for posts, events and more info