WAS PARENTING MORE FUN IN THE SEVENTIES?

Anniki Sommerville - 4 Nov 14

Recently I’ve been thinking quite a lot about my experience of being a Mum versus my Mum’s experience. Parenting seemed different in the seventies. Simpler. More intuitive. There wasn’t so much pressure to be perfect. And parents didn’t worry so much about whether they were messing up their kids.

There was no technology. And there weren’t hundreds of books written about how to bring up your child. There wasn’t a whole heap of shit that you had to buy. Marketing hadn’t learnt how to target parents yet. And Mum’s didn’t have to shave their armpits and could wear dungarees and not be criticised (I’m going off topic but it’s a a nice thought?)

There weren’t so many rules. There wasn’t a big fuss about sugar and salt. And there weren’t ten different kinds of ‘baby transport systems’. I started thinking back on all the phone chats I’d had with my Mum in the past few months and how my Mum’s advice is always simple (I kept thinking she was probably a moron because nothing is ever simple!), but did it just sound simple because I my generation likes to over-complicate everything?

She kept waxing lyrical about how I used to sleep in a Moses basket and she took this basket everywhere and when it was nap time I fell asleep and she popped me into this magic basket. She gave me a bath in the kitchen sink. I had no bath toys. I played with paper bags. I ate everything. I basically wore pretty much the same clothes every day of the week. It sounded like a Huckleberry Finn type of childhood. It also sounded like social services should have been informed. At the same time it sounded idyllic. Much more relaxed and carefree than our concept of childhood nowadays. And more fun that’s for sure.

‘It was all about non-conformity and trying things out,’ Mum said when we were discussing how much parenting had changed, ‘We didn’t follow a strict set of rules like our parents did.’

My Nan used to tell my Mum to stop cavorting about with the Moses basket. I needed order. I needed a proper bath each night. But the seventies parenting approach was a reaction against this. It was more about creativity and freedom. Now it feels like we have more rules rather than less. There doesn’t feel like there’s the same feeling of freedom and improvisation. We’re scared to get things wrong. Sometimes we’re too scared to trust our own instincts.

Aha! I hear you shout- but it was MORE DANGEROUS in the seventies! Babies were made to sit in the front seat of the car. They were balanced precariously on laps whilst their hippie parents smoked and played loud music. They were taken to festivals with no ear defenders on their tiny, baby ears. They went deaf from the terrible seventies music. They ate food off the floor. There wasn’t any disinfectant spray to stop the germs getting into their system. Many of them probably ate worms. And how many babies fell out of those enormous Granny-style prams? And what about nuts? I bet babies were constantly choking on all the nuts served up at the hippie soirees. What we’ve got now is basically progress. We’re much more safety conscious. We know what the risks are. What’s fun about danger anyway?

And I agree with you…to a point. It’s a good thing that we have car seats and don’t smoke in the car. I think ear defenders are a bit daft but I’m convinced I’ve been a bit deaf in one ear since my Dad took me to a ‘Misty In Roots’ concert so maybe they’re a good idea. It’s also positive that we’re more aware of potential dangers and can minimise risk. Nobody wants a child to get hurt. I remember the days of roller skates and no helmets. It wasn’t pretty. The playgrounds were always very hard and children were covered in scabs. You rarely see scabs anymore and that’s probably a good thing.

But then there’s also another part of me that thinks it’s a shame that just about everything is perceived as dangerous today. Stairs, cupboards, plugs, blinds, baby mobiles, cots, cats, dogs, sugar, salt, pavements, being outside, water, sand, sun, TV, bicycles. Basically everyday life has turned into massive sewer of anxiety. In the seventies it simply wasn’t so. Were they simply too stoned to care?

Wouldn’t it be nice if when your child picked up a leaf you weren’t worrying about the toxic dog shit hidden underneath. Or if you watched them run towards a pool of water without hearing the theme tune to Casualty humming in your ears. This may sound sentimental. But sometimes it feels like there was more joy around parenting in the seventies because there wasn’t so much media scaremongery. They also played the parenting game by their own rules, making it up as they went along.

I’m sure some of you are thinking that oh, yes, you’re one of those Mums who wants their child to draw with twigs and dance round a Maypole. You secretly wear dungarees and have hairy armpits. Your kid is probably called Summer Rain (sorry if your child is called Summer Rain. I actually think it’s a nice name). And obviously there needs to be some sort of middle ground. Children need order and routine. But they also need freedom and creativity. But when was the last time you threw caution to the wind and let your child eat a worm? Okay that’s a bad example. When did you let them do something a bit dangerous? When did you just do something because it felt right? When did you let yourself off the hook and just have fun?

Mum told me she only ever had one or two parenting books. She didn’t rely on them completely but liked to dip into them whenever she needed inspiration. In a way she was pretty forward thinking because she was already making healthy macrobiotic food before Gwyneth made it fashionable. She made her own yoghurt. And grew sprouts that tasted awful (All these things are cyclical. Like Woody Allen’s character in Sleeper one day we’ll probably discover Big Macs and smoking cigars are actually really healthy). Anyway one of the books written by Dr Spock (not the one in Star Trek) had advice that really rang true for me: ‘You know more than you think you do,’ he told new parents.

Isn’t that a nice thought? Whatever times we live in, whatever the pressures and rules, we know the answers to our parenting issues. We have the tools to be great parents and don’t need all the external guff. We know where the danger lies and when we’re just acting like a crazy mutha.

And what about my Mum’s advice?

‘Everyone makes mistakes,’ she said, ‘And it’s important to minimise these but not be scared to be innovative. Take your cue from your child’s needs rather than comparing your child to other kids. Advice should never be a one-size fits all.’

Maybe she’s not a moron after all.

I think there’s a few things we can learn from parenting in the seventies. Even if you don’t want your child to eat worms and go deaf listening to heavy reggae music.

Take risks. Don’t be scared to get things wrong. Forget perfection.

Have fun.

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Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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