We Live in a Rape Culture

Jess Helicopter - 4 Oct 21

TW: Rape, Assault, Violence

The Sarah Everard case has made me livid. It is frightening and horrifying in equal measure that a woman was falsely arrested, kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a policeman not late at night and within sight of witnesses.

BUT. Firstly, she’s not the only person who a) has gone missing b) been the victim of assault/rape/murder in the UK this week, month, year. She was an attractive, white female. The media loves her victimhood. She’s someone the media wants you to know is deserving of your sympathy and horror. But why have the other 121 women murdered by men since this case NOT garnered the same media attention? Because the Media doesn’t think you care about PoC, poor people, sex workers etc.

Also, the coverage of this case is so prolific, does anyone have any idea how triggering it is for victims / survivors of assault and rape to have this splashed into their timeline every day, all day? And for the families of victims?

And for what? WHY are we being bombarded with all this coverage, and quotes from woolly headed Police Chief’s making predictably crass, victim-blaming statements and male celebrities shouting, “down with this sort of thing”. Don’t get me wrong, I loves Michael Sheen to death. But right now, I don’t need to hear his opinion. Men sharing “supportive messages” or doing the “not all men” and MEN ARE VICTIMS TOO #boohoomaletears. Enough.

This media frenzy makes me want to scream from the rooftops because NOTHING changes. They’re all empty words. Sharing posts and memes on social media is doing nothing. It’s not furthering the cause of safety for women. It’s one symptom of a much deeper cause. Woman in our society ARE NOT EQUAL and nor will they be anytime soon. Why? Because we live in a Rape Culture.

There are reports of better lighting, more security cameras etc etc. Empty gestures. Because really, what will stop men raping/assaulting? Better lighting or …..? Men NOT raping and assaulting? Maybe we could… maybe…. *ssssh* ask them to stick to a curfew??? What, whaatttt? Too much??? Fine ok. No. We can’t restrict their human rights! Ok so what CAN we do?

We can change ourselves. Take responsibility for that change right now. CHANGE RAPE culture.

That starts from root levels. Teach your children about CONSENT. Both boys AND girls.

Stop sexualising children in short / “inappropriate” clothes. Those are YOUR restrictive sexualising standards, not theirs.

Speak up if a kids’ friend starts saying sexist/homophobic things. Tell your children to call out friends who do.

Stop putting up with dress codes for one sex but not the other.

Stop your children using gender stereotypes. If your son teases his sister about getting in the kitchen, stop it right there.

Call out sexist behaviour wherever you see it, even older family members.

Or just don’t laugh at the joke. Make it awkward, ask why the “joke” is funny. It isn’t. Calling out family members can be confrontational. If you’re afraid to do that, just stay silent. Don’t smile to assuage their awkwardness and defensive “it was just a joke”.

Stop responding and smiling back at male strangers who tell you to “smile love, it will never happen”. You don’t need to accommodate their feelings.

Call out the creepy dad in the playground. Because there is ALWAYS a creepy dad in the playground.

These are just the tip of the iceberg about ways we can change society which can and will have an impact. Change only happens when EVERYONE gets on board.

I’ve included a diagram here because I was thinking of Maslow’s Hierarchy of human needs. The bottom level is food, shelter, warmth, rest.

The second tier is security and safety. Literally no woman has that in our society ever. At some point she WILL be touched without consent. She will be approached by a man without consent. She will feel unsafe in a situation because of a man. We don’t even hit the second tier of basic human needs guys.

I’ve included this more poignant pyramid of assault. We live in this. This is Rape Culture, and we need to change it. NOW.

Jess Helicopter

Jess is a wine-addled, social media tart, *feminist and chronic over sharer. She lives in Cardiff with her husband, children (G-11/J-7) and some cats. Went to art school but after graduation got sucked into working for "the man". Now trying to claw her creative way out by fancying herself as a bit of writer. (*Intersectional/trans incl)

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