New friends, old friends and fresh air

Ceri Elms - 10 Mar 16

­Week 33 – 05/03/16

Another week in the life of being Paddington’s mum.

Let’s get straight to it.

1.Nursery times.

This was quite a pivotal week for us as parents as we had to face the reality that our boy is growing up and I had to accept that I will have to return to work soon if we want to pay the bills and afford to eat for much longer etc…(Boo!).

I am not ready to go back to work at all. It scares me to be honest, as I love being with Pads all day everyday, though it isn’t always easy, but it’s where I want to be and I know I will find it really hard to have to give that up, though I won’t be going back full time so it will only be a couple of days a week that we will be apart. Still, going from 24/7 as Pads carer to 3 days back at work is going to hurt. I also feel concerned that I won’t be able to be the worker that I was before, as my priorities have now changed and my experience as a parent has opened me up to things way more important than edit schedules and viewing notes, but I used to thrive off of my work and take a real pride in it so hopefully that is all still stored within me somewhere. I worry about doing a ‘normal’ job alongside being a parent, for example if Pads sleep continues to be as shocking as it is when I am back at work, how the heck will I keep my brain functioning to do a day job as well, and I am mostly really worried about how on earth I am going to be able to express enough to keep Pads supplied with enough breast milk to go off to nursery/his grandparents with. The expressing still isn’t going well as I am just not finding the time to do it and then hardly getting any when I do, which is disheartening to say the least.

I am still negotiating with my work to change to flexible working part time and remotely, so fingers crossed they go for it, otherwise, things will get even scarier as I will have to look for a new job which I can’t even imagine doing at the moment. I mean, where do you even start when you have been on maternity leave and not had to look for a job for ages before that as you had a really good steady one?!

Anyway, with returning to some form of work on the horizon, we had to seriously think about childcare, and one of the reasons we moved back to Wales was to be near to both of our parents who brilliantly want to help out with looking after their gorgeous grandson. We are very fortunate that my mum will take him for one day a week and then Jon’s mum will take him for one day a week as well, leaving us with just one day to put him into nursery, which is the ideal scenario for us anyway so am very happy that is how it has worked out. I think it will be great for him, and the two grandma’s, to have some full on bonding time and he will learn things from both of them that he won’t from us and they will play different games and sing different songs to him and ultimately still love him to pieces and take very good care of him so that is peace of mind for me too.

But I want him to have the nursery experience also as it is so beneficial for his social skills, with other babies and other adults that will be taking care of him there. He is already a very sociable baby from all the classes we have been going to together since the early weeks and he has always had a lot of exposure to other people by us both getting out and about so much every week, so I want this to continue and progress, which nursery will enable him to do.

He will also learn to be more independent, having some time away from me and hopefully also gain more confidence through playing with other babies on a regular basis and learning most importantly how to share and take turns! Of course he will also pick up bugs left, right and centre but ultimately that will help his immune system in the long run and being in a nursery environment will ease the transition into school when that terrifying time comes. (Since the nursery visit Jon has picked up a cold which he has now lovingly passed on to me and Pads, and he insists he caught it from the nursery visit…hmmm. Am not so sure but could be I suppose, kids are a hotbed of germs after all!)

I spent a lot of time researching and contacting the nurseries and childminders in and around our area and there are some brilliant ones, however, out of my top 3 choices, 2 didn’t have spaces until end of this year/early 2017 which is a shame. The one I liked the sound of the most, however, luckily did have spaces available for when I am thinking about returning to work so Jon and I took Pads to visit and get a feel for the place.

Well, we just loved it. It was exactly what I had hoped it would be; bright and airy spaces with plenty of room for play and exploration in a safe environment; lots of secure, varied and fun outside space; happy, qualified, engaging and warm staff; colourful and attractive murials and displays on the walls; a good baby led and play centered ethos; a really fun looking messy play area; and all set in a gorgeous little village that if we didn’t already have a cottage in a lovely village, I would want to move to this one. It felt like a happy and welcoming and spacious and safe place, and when we first walked in all the babies and toddlers were having their mid morning snack and looked really content and smiley so that was reassuring. Plus as soon as they had all finished eating and were going back to their various play rooms, the kitchen team were straight out cleaning down all the high chairs and wiping up any mess, so that was good to see that food and hygiene standards were so high.

I think Pads could really enjoy being here so we have decided to just go for it, as I can’t see how we will find anything better to be honest, though there a few more I had planned to visit just for comparison, I reckon this is the one for our little bear. Now, I really do feel like a grown up after signing my son up to nursery. This is huge!

2. Walking. (Don’t worry Pads isn’t that advanced … yet!)

We have had a big week of walking, with Pads in the sling, to get us both some fresh air, me some much needed exercise and to make the most of a few really sunny and gloriously clear days and I feel so privileged to be bringing my baby up in such a beautiful and natural setting with so much glorious countryside right on our doorstep.

First, we did a guided walk around the Llanover estate with my mum, Aunty Gwyn and Uncle Pete, learning about the history of the village and the wildlife, which was about 2 hours long and Pads was having a great time just hanging in the cosy, warm carrier looking out at the world and he even seemed to be listening to the guide talking intently. We walked along the canal, over fields and little hills and Pads even fell asleep for just under an hour so he was clearly quite content.

The next day, we did a nice gentle walk around Skenfrith with my pal Jo and her snuggly little baby Ewj, for just under 2 hours with Pads again in the carrier, but this time little man was too alert for sleeping and just taking in all the country views and sounds and babbling happily away at everything around him.

The following day, we snatched a gorgeous late afternoon of family time with Jon, strolling around the Talybont Reservoir which got more and more picturesque as the early evening light bounced off the water, gently rippling in the light breeze.

Then at the end of the week, we did a lovely long circular walk around Abergavenny taking in the local gardens, the river and the castle with a new, lovely mummy friend Anita and her gorgeous little boy, Raf. (Yay for other mum friends also on maternity leave! I really love my little network of like-minded mums that I have built up since moving back this way. You ladies rock! Thanks for keeping me company out and about!)

I can definitely feel the benefit of all of this walking and can feel the workout in my legs especially, plus a little of that stubborn final stone of baby weight has started to shift which is an added bonus, and all of this fresh air must be doing my lungs and head some good. My hips and lower back have been feeling a little strained however, due to carrying him around for long periods of time, over various terrain and up plenty of hills. He is no tiny little thing anymore, that’s for sure!

It’s always been one of my favourite things to do, to go on a nice country walk and the best bit is its free, and Pads seems to enjoy it too and I love sharing the sights and sounds of our beautiful countryside with my boy and hope he will grow up with a big love of, and appreciation for nature like his folks.

We have some bigger walks planned soon when the weather starts getting nicer, so give us a shout if you fancy joining us!

3. The birth of the mother.

I read a really interesting article this week about when you become a mother and how it’s the baby that actually ‘births’ you and changes you into a mum and it really struck a chord with me.

Your baby does really set the pace of your new life and shifts all your priorities and routines and that’s probably one of the hardest things at the start of becoming a parent, to have to adjust to. You can’t just do what you did and what you want anymore. It’s about someone else now and that is quite awesome in both senses of the word. It is amazing to have your life so changed forever by a tiny human and not something to be underestimated.

I am not the same. I am not who I was. But that’s ok. I think I am a better version of that old person and what mattered to me then, perhaps doesn’t so much now. I have someone more important than myself to think about and care for now and I wouldn’t swap that for all the freedom to do what I what I want when I went to, not all the new restaurant openings in London! (Though I do occasionally miss going to those of course – I don’t even know what new restaurants are opening anymore! I used to have my finger so on the pulse with things like that, and now I get excited if I can just cook and eat a hot meal in one sitting!).

While on the subject of change, and in keeping with the friendship theme of this week’s blog, now I am well over 7 months into my new life, and that’s not just of being a mum, but also living in Wales and no longer being a Londonite, or a social butterfly (unless it involves baby classes or walks of course!), I have recently really begun to appreciate the importance of different types of friendship and also to accept how friendships constantly change and develop. Some friends from my old life have drifted away a bit and I am sure some will drift back again, but our lives are so different at the moment that we aren’t each other’s first port of call or sound board anymore. People change and come into your life for different reasons and at different times. And that’s fine. That’s life. It keeps it exciting. I love how new people can come into your life, who you didn’t even know before, and because you are sharing the same experiences or looking for the same thing perhaps, they then become your close confidants and you can’t remember how you coped without them. Equally, I love how an old friendship carved out of time, can weather any storms and keep growing stronger and adapt with you both.

One of my favourite parts of being on maternity leave has been having the time to reconnect with old acquaintances who have now become full on friends, forging completely new friendships and still being able to steadily rely on my old firm favourite best friends as always.

It’s the best piece of advice my dad has ever given me, how people come in and out of your life for a reason and to accept both sides of that and embrace the new friendships and cherish the old ones whether they end up fading away or staying for good.

4. ‘I get by with a little help from my friends…’

Still on the subject of friendships, last weekend I took a day out with my oldest gal pals, and one lucky hubby – Sam, you must have been the envy of all other men when you stepped out with a bevy of beautiful mummies in your charge! Between us we now have 1 adorable newborn, 2 smiley babies and an energetic toddler. My, how things have changed!

It was such a gorgeous day spent in the company of dear old friends who know me best and just what I didn’t know I needed.

There is something about the familiarity and comfort of people who you have grown up with and have always been there for you through thick and thin, that just makes everything feel better, so thanks ladies, and man!, it put all of last week’s worries into perspective. I had started to get a bit down and hadn’t really realised how much until that morning, and what I didn’t tell my best friends is that I nearly cancelled and didn’t go to meet them as I felt so low (combination of lack of sleep, cottage woes, missing my family time and Jon, feeling sorry for myself and feeling a bit peaky mainly). Luckily, I snapped myself out of the duldrums and realised that a day out with old chums would do me and Pads good. That, coupled with a lovely snuggly lunch by a wood fire and a fresh and crisp walk to the gorgeous Castell Coch, made for a bloody good Sunday. Again, and soon, please.

5. Open arms.

Paddington has been doing an adorable arms open wide and reaching out towards me move for a while now, but has stepped up the frequency this week. He does it when he wants picking up or has had enough of being in his high chair, car seat or with someone else (is it wrong that I particularly love it when he does this gesture when he is having cuddles with someone else, as it makes me feel like his number one and incredibly wanted and special?!!). He has also added what sounds like a ‘mum’ or ‘Maman’ to it as well, making it virtually impossible for me to resist! It’s not quite him saying mum yet I don’t think but it is very close, so I will take it!

He is getting really good at communicating verbally through different sounds now as well. I know when he is tired, bored or hungry through the ‘words’ he tries to say, from ‘arghhs’ and more cry like sounds when he is tired, to ‘guggahs’ when he is a bit bored, ‘oohs’ when he is content or having fun, and the ‘mmmmm’ sounds that usually indicate wanting a feed or enjoying one.

He also does a wriggly worm move with his entire body when he wants putting down and twists his whole body really sharply and forcefully, and it is like trying to keep hold of a wet fish covered in jelly at times. This boy is so strong and bloody wilful! (Now where does he get that from?!)

6. Speedy crawler and strong puller upper.

Pads is one speedy little crawler these days, he goes from 0-60 in seconds, and is obsessed with the safety gate we put up between the lounge and kitchen to stop him falling down the step between the two rooms. He loves to pull on the bars or use them to try and stand up (I know, uh-oh), and wait there watching us if we have popped into the kitchen to get something, a bit like a caged animal.

He has also started doing a new thing when he is sick during a crawl, which isn’t very often thankfully! He finds it fascinating that some liquid has just fallen onto the floor in front of him so starts spreading it around him with his paws, which is not only gross but also not exactly hygienic, so I have to get in there in double quick time with a muslin to wipe it away before he spots it. I am becoming quite the speedy ninja with my mobile boy actually, I have superhero reflexes it turns out and can respond to some up chuck or cries in nano seconds. Should I put that on my new cv do you think?!

7. Ball pit.

We now have a play pen filled with plastic balls for our little speedy monkey to play in and mainly as a way of containing him when I need to pee/cook/do something, anything. Now he is crawling at the speed of light, I have to always have one eye on him and can’t leave him for a minute in case he starts trying to climb something or fall over, so it was getting a bit tricky to get anything done again, so we are hoping this will be a good solution.

imageHe has played happily in it for the few minutes he has been in it so far, even though he has also tried to climb up it and obviously failed as the sides are too high and he can’t grip the netting, so then he just falls backwards into the balls and soft padded mattress liner, which causes him to look a bit shocked but shouldn’t hurt him.

It does feel a bit like a baby prison but at least he is safe in there and I wouldn’t leave him for any length of time on his own in it, it is purely as a contained space to allow me to nip to the loo/ answer the door etc.. without him getting into mischief. And mischief is definitely his middle name now!

He bumped his head twice on the day I decided it was time to put up the ball pit/play pen/baby jail by swinging on the stair gate and then trying to climb and pull down the fire guard. And he tried to nose dive off the bed that morning as he saw something fun on the floor, so from now on he goes in the cot when I shower and change even though this usually makes him cry/scream and try and pull himself up on the bars which then makes him frustrated/bump his head, and he goes in the play pen in the lounge whenever I need to get something from another room. Safety rules Pads, for your own good.

8. Wean on me.

I am having so much fun with Pads weaning journey, from cooking him delicious and nutritious meals to watching his reaction and enjoyment as he feeds himself or I feed him, and his eating skills and hand and eye co-ordination have vastly improved already in just a week.

He gets really excited when I sit him in his high chair and put his bib on and if I then take a while to assemble all the bits I need to feed him, he can get quite impatient and start banging the tray and shouting at me. He definitely has a healthy appetite like his mum and is up for trying anything – long may that continue.

He is still having around 5-6 breast feeds a day on average, some days a bit less, and up to 5 at night depending on how often he wakes and if I can settle him any other way (this week has been particularly bad again as he will not settle by any other means than a boob and just won’t sleep for longer than 2 hours at a time again! I give up…), so I know he is getting most of his nutrients and hydration from my milk still, but he is also definitely eating and digesting a good amount of solid foods now so am wondering if he will start dropping more milk feeds soon. I will miss them if he does (though not so much at night! Feel free to drop all your night feeds if you want Pads…), but for now he seems to still want them for comfort as well as for food and if I haven’t offered a boob up in a while he has no trouble in basically climbing on to me and tugging at my top to communicate what he wants or trying to eat my arm, hand, tummy, face etc…as a not so subtle hint as to what he wants.

Anyway, here’s what I have been feeding Paddington this week:

Scrambled eggs with a twist of black pepper, chopped up into tiny pieces. This he really enjoyed. The eggs were a new soft and firm sensation for his little gums and teeth to experience and he happily ate the whole portion with some toast fingers to mush into his fists whilst eating. Eggs are so good for you, so I am really pleased that he is a fan of them so far – all that omega 3 and protein for extra brain power!

Chunky Leek and potato soup with carrot for St David’s Day courtesy of my mum. We had to celebrate st David’s day with a culinary tradition and he seems to really like leeks good boy.

I tried feeding him out and about without a high hair for the first time this week and it wasn’t a great success as I had him on my lap so we couldn’t have our usual face to face contact that we enjoy during a feed, meaning that he lacked focus and just wanted to turn around to face me all the time, which was a position that was virtually impossible to feed him and hold him in at the same time so I had to abort. Bits of leek and potato were just flinging everywhere, mainly on to my leggings and down my top, but also in his hair and all over the floor and table we were sat at, and not a lot was getting in his mouth. Not my fav feeding position for solid foods at all.

Coconut yoghurt with and without stewed plums. As he seems to not be able to keep cow’s milk down, I still wanted him to have some yogurt to mix up our breakfast a bit more, so tried him on a natural coconut yogurt which had a really strong flavour actually. I wasn’t expecting him to like it but my word, did he go crazy for it! Jigging his legs and going ‘mmmm’ ‘mmmmm’ ‘mmmmm’ after every spoonful. After I had tried him with the plain yogurt first to check he wasn’t allergic to coconut, the next day I mixed it with stewed plums I had heated up from the batch I had frozen last week and once again, he went nuts for it. This boy likes a strong flavour it seems.

Mashed Banana on toast. He is still not a great fan of banana. He makes a ‘yuck’ face when he eats it and it’s the only food he won’t go back for more with so he is definitely my son, as I was exactly the same until last year!

Peanut butter (smooth) mini pitta pockets. This was yummy judging by the look on his face and the adorable frantic sucking sounds he made to get the sticky pb off the pitta. Another great one for mushing between his fists and so far so good in terms of any adverse reaction to the peanut.

Celery. I gave him a washed and de-stringed piece of celery to just play with and distract him whilst I was cooking for him, but as it was nice and cold and firm, he really enjoyed using it as a teether, though I could tell by his slightly horrified facial expression that he wasn’t a huge fan of the taste! My friend Cathy’s mum said that she cut her teeth on sticks of celery, so it definitely has its use for that, though clearly not a favourite in terms of flavour for my boy. It is an acquired taste really. Perhaps I will try it with the peanut butter on it next time so it’s more of a vessel for good stuff than a food for now.

Shepherds pie. This was a new labour of love after fish pie gate last week. Organic (ooh get me! – only cos it was on offer though!) lamb mince, rosemary and onions, with softened carrots, celery and baby parsnips instead of swede as parsnips are his favourite (and again because they were on offer in the supermarket!!) all simmered together in the vegetable cooking water instead of stock (to avoid salt), and a little tomato purée and black pepper to taste, then topped with mashed potato made with unsalted butter and oaty milk and sprinkled with some cheddar cheese to make the top all golden and delicious once cooked in the oven. It was pretty good for a shepherd’s pie with no salt actually and Pads really seemed to love it, with plenty of ‘mmms’ and wide eyed looks at me during our feed. I gave him a portion that I just cut up into smaller pieces rather than blitzing it so he could experience the texture of everything and I also let him handle a large chunky piece of lamb mince, which he gave a few interested sucks before flinging it to the floor. I also gave him a cooked baby parsnip to hold too which he really enjoyed nibbling at, but then he tried to suck the whole thing into his mouth at once and looked like he may choke so I promptly pulled it out to save that happening. Not on my watch!

He definitely wanted more once we had finished his portion but I was being wary, see the cautionary tale below, so left him wanting more. I now have a stash of some pureed portions and normal chunky portions for him in the freezer to keep us going for quite a few meals too which is ace.

Porridge with chopped and cooked dried apricots. He literally couldn’t wait for the next mouthful of this and would’ve eaten more if I had kept giving it to him. The sweetness and softness of the apricots obviously agreed with him combined with the sticky, mushy oats. He is really taking to new and thicker textures well.

Kiwi fruit. Wasn’t sure he would go for this one but yup, my boy didn’t disappoint me again and sucked the life out of the first rather thin slice I gave him (peeled of course, but I left the seeds in – think this was an error in hindsight as he couldn’t digest those). I made the next slice extra thick so it was easier for him to hold and he loved it. He is even showing signs of developing his pincer grip as he was able to grasp smaller pieces of the thick slice as they fell apart between his thumb and fore finger. ‘Man, kiwi is slippery’ is what his eyes were saying to me as he sucked away on the green goodness. It is amazing how fast they develop their eating and handling skills when you do baby led weaning for at least one or two meals a day in combo with spoon feedings.

Kiwi is such an acidic fruit, but so good for you, containing really high levels of vitamin c and fibre so I knew I wanted to include it in his diet, but I think I should have removed the seeds and perhaps read up on it a bit more before giving it to him. See below…

9. The Exorcist incident
– a cautionary tale.

I think I got a bit carried away and excited that my little boy was so eager to eat and try new foods and forgot my own advice from last week, that it’s up to me to control his portion size and that this boy will just keep eating and eating otherwise.

I gave Pads a brekkie of 2 small toast fingers with pb on them while I made his porridge with chopped dried apricots, and he chomped off most of the pb and just mushed up and threw away the toast mainly. He then ate several teaspoons of the porridge, it was a big portion in hindsight, I was just so happy to see him enjoying it that I kept giving him more because he definitely wanted more. Then I gave him a couple of slices of kiwi fruit to keep him occupied while I did the clean down, and as a new flavour introduction as he seemed to be really up for eating lots this morning. He did not refuse any of it and liked it all and then played happily afterwards as normal.

However, 2.5 hours later when we were in the car driving to see my pal Laura, I was looking at him in the rear view mirror as I constantly do in the car, and he up chucked so violently and for a fair amount of time, it was like something out of the Exorcist. And just when I thought the poor lad couldn’t possibly have anything else left in him, more came out and it was – graphic detail warning I’m afraid – watery and full of undigested chunks of kiwi, apricot cubes and splodges of porridge. His face looked so miserable and uncomfortable throughout, no wonder, and he was just covered in the yucky stuff.

I immediately pulled over to the nearest layby and ran to him to survey the damage. It was literally everywhere. All over his face and neck and clothes and sheepskin liner and seat belt and car seat and blanket and even on Sophie la giraffe.

Luckily, just 2 days earlier I had had a massive clear out of the car and had bought a ‘car tidy’ (I know, geek alert!), which I had stocked with spare clothes, nappies, wipes, bibs and a roll of kitchen paper, you know just in case. Boy was I grateful of all of that now as this was a major roadside clean up. So with the wind blowing around us, and cars passing by slowly to have a look at what we were doing, I wiped and cleaned and changed my boy and his surroundings and popped all the icky bits in a bag for life, then gave Padster a massive cuddle and he seemed to be ok. Better out than in sort of thing.

We got back in the car and I carried on driving, for a few minutes and then, yup, out of the corner of my eye I spotted him looking uncomfortable again and writhing in his seat and making a wretching sound, then up another load came. Shit. So, I pulled over to the side of the road as I was now in a little village, and began the 2nd clean up, this one, to be totally graphic again, was mainly twisted kiwi bits, watery liquid and the odd porridge globule. My boy was soaked again and looked really tired and exhausted and cheesed off with feeling and being sick. I dried him off as best as I could, and was now out of bibs as I had only packed one spare in the car so I had to fashion a neckerchief out of a muslin. We had a big sit and a cuddle and he kept laying his head on my shoulder and looking really subdued and not his usual bouncy self. I hate being sick too and that amount with that force must’ve really taken it out of him and made him feel awful. I just felt so horribly guilty as the way it had come out and the clear pieces of undigested food could mean that his little tum just couldn’t cope with the volume of food that I had fed him. But it seemed odd that this didn’t materialise until a couple of hours later – or is that normal?! The world of solid food is complicated at the start isn’t it?!

Of course, it may not have been a case of over feeding as my pal Laura pointed out later that day to try and reassure me, breastfed babies are supposed to be good at regulating their own appetite and he would’ve given me a sign that he was too full, which he didn’t, and I think his feeding cues are pretty clear usually.

He could also have been ill, perhaps with a little tummy bug or cold, which could’ve also made him sick. He had an awfully unsettled night the night before, not unusual for Pads I know, but he screamed a lot as if in pain several times in the night, and barely slept, so was exhausted, and he had had a slightly runny nose for a couple of days, so it was possible that he was just a bit poorly. He also slept for over 2.5 hours that afternoon when we got back home which is so not like him so that also makes me think he was under the weather or just plain worn out.

Or perhaps he couldn’t cope with the acidity of the kiwi fruit or was allergic to it? I have since read that it is a common allergy food because of its high acid content and that the seeds are the main culprits. The fruit can cause adverse allergic reactions such as heavy vomiting. One thing I shouldn’t have done is to introduce two new foods in one go – the apricots and the kiwi fruit – as not only does it make it harder to know which one was to blame, but it may also just have been too much for him to deal with two new flavours and foods at once. We had tried him on peanut butter the day before and he was fine afterwards so I don’t think it was that and I have since given him the porridge and apricots again on its own to eliminate them, so the finger does point towards the evil kiwi.

I still can’t help feeling that perhaps he did also just eat too much though, and that I must remember that he is still a baby and as much as he loves food and gets such pleasure out of trying new things, his stomach is still so small that he can’t handle as much food as perhaps he thinks he can or that I think he can.

According to some sources, I should be giving him a baby fist size portion of food at each sitting only and I definitely am giving him much more than that at the moment because I was taking his lead on when he had had enough, and he has a very healthy appetite so far. He clearly says ‘mmmm’ now when he is enjoying food and reaches forwards when he wants more and turns away or won’t open his mouth if he has had enough. He does like to drop big pieces of food on the floor a lot when we do baby led feeding so I tend to only offer the food up once or twice more after he does that, in case it was just a slippery food/bad grip issue, as I heard that can be a sign of them losing interest in the feed too.

‘Food is fun until after one’ is what a lot of people say is a good mantra for the start of weaning, so it’s not really about the quantity of what he eats, its about the variety and getting him used to food at this stage, something I think I forgot in all the fun we have been having cooking and feeding together. He is still weaning and I guess I was feeding him as if he was a fully fledged eater already. I also think perhaps he eats too fast as he enjoys food and wants more quickly, I feed him at a fairly good pace, so from now on I will feed him a bit less, a bit slower and avoid kiwis for a while, and if I do try them again further down the line, I will be scooping out those pesky black seeds for sure.

This isn’t going to dampen our weaning spirit however as he enjoys food so much, is putting on good weight, is happy and healthy and loves meal times, and apart from the possible bad kiwi reaction and disinterest in banana, everything he has tried has gone down, and stayed down, well. And most importantly he is having fun with food (as am I in introducing him to the world of food) so we must be getting something right.

10. The night(mare) that followed…

A special mention must be made of the evening that followed Exorcist sick day, it was one of the Top 3 worst nights of sleep we have ever had! Pads would not sleep for more than 20-45 minutes at any one time and woke up crying really loudly and persistently each time and nothing at all would stop those cries, except for, yup, you guessed it, boobs. I was basically on tap all night, like a guest ale in a bar. I got absolutely no sleep at all until 5.45am. (After having gone to bed at 8pm with him in the hope of an early night’s sleep for both of us – ha!). At 5am I lost the plot through sleep delirium and didn’t know whether to cry, laugh or be angry so I was all three at once. I couldn’t bear being in the bedroom any longer if I wasn’t able to actually sleep and Pads was just crying non stop now and I had no idea how to stop him anymore. (I had kicked Jon out of the room in the early evening as he had a cold and was snoring loudly which made it impossible for me to even try to sleep when Pads was so I also felt resentment for having missed out on earlier opportunities for sleep due to that). Both Pads and I needed a change of scene I thought, as we had been in this blasted bedroom for hours now, so I took us downstairs to the living room and turned on the Green Day baby lullabies cd that we use sometimes in the day to help him nap, and just held and rocked Padster to calm him down and stop him from crying. It did actually seem to work, the combo of the gentle music and the new surroundings, stopped the incessant crying and he kept nodding off, only to vehemently keep fighting back the sleep, which was just exhausting to be a part of and really frustrating as well. We got to the end of the cd with sleep no nearer on our horizon it seemed, and the early morning silence was suddenly deafening.

I had resigned myself to never sleep again ever and told myself in my sleep deprived, irrational state that I was simply a shit parent for failing to get either of us to sleep and that I should be frankly ashamed of myself. Another part of my brain that is slightly kinder, suggested that although neither of us were sleeping yet, by moving us downstairs and putting on some relaxing music, we were both at least getting some rest and calm at last which was something. Unable to stand being awake anymore and listening to the clock tick by cruelly in the corner, I put on the Red Hot Chilli Peppers baby lullabies cd and expected more of the same, holding and rocking Pads to sleep for him to just fight himself back awake again. However, after the first song (‘Under the Bridge’, incase you were wondering), the seemingly impossible happened. He fell into a really deep deep sleep on me and stayed asleep for 2.5 whole hours! Halefrickin’luljah!

I was able to drift off to sleep in the chair too with my warm and snuggly little baby heater nestled against my chest, until the chattering of the birds and the bin men outside woke me up. At this point, I carefully peeled my stiff self out of the chair I had been sitting in and gently carried my sleeping babe upstairs and back into bed. I laid him down in the bed beside me fully expecting him to now wake, but he didn’t, he just wriggled a bit, stretched his arms out to the sides and continued to peacefully sleep for another glorious half an hour, clearly completely and utterly drained after the night’s fretful and wakeful activities, so I got to actually stretch out and lie down for a bit more sleep too. Yay!

It was a really rough night/morning and I went to some dark places emotionally because I was just so tired and fed up of not being able to settle my baby or get some sleep myself. However, I may now have an extra sleep weapon in my arsenal with those lullaby CDs that I have grossly under used so far. Next time we have a bad night, and I have no doubt there will be a next time and soon, I am pressing play and ‘rock’-a-bye-ing my baby to sleep.

Ceri Elms

First time mum to Paddington, muddling through the parenting journey one week at a time and diarising every up and down, lessons learnt, and oxytocin fuelled love-ins along the way.

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