What about when the birth of your child lasts for 3 years?

Eloise - 14 Feb 20

It was only when I had a late night 2 hour + conversation with my mum that I finally said the words “I feel like his birth has lasted for 3 years”. Once Id said it a weight had lifted from my shoulders.

To add context my 8.7lb son was born at 3.30am, within around an hour of us arriving at the hospital. That in itself sounds quite fun however throw in that after arriving at 10pm at 3cm & despite being 45 minutes away we were sent home only for my waters to then break when we got home & for me to progress 6cm on the journey from home back to hospital it becomes less fun.

Following my sons birth I discovered a tear that hadnt been looked at after birth & it had healed incorrectly & then I struggled with breastfeeding to the point he lost 11% of his body weight & finally I switched to bottle feeding & the guilt never left me. After that I was diagnosed with a uterine, bowel & bladder prolapse that left me feeling so down.

I was told my one consultant in my area at the time “as long as you can have sex with your husband I dont need to do anything” & another consultant said “women in Africa have prolapses the size of coconuts & dont complain”

Both of these comments left me feeling like I should shut up. Be quiet you non-coconut sized prolapse sex object lady was the message I got.

I didnt stop fighting for help though. My first operation was in May 2018, it didnt work ultimately & the recovery period left with with fecal impaction that had to be removed by hand in the end & a portable catheter for a week that was attached to my leg making me feel like a strange type of cowboy, like if I was challenged to a pistol duel I could “draw” my bag of urine to put them off.

Ive just had my second operation that has been a resounding success so far, my womb has been confirmed as the main culprit so has been lifted & attached to my sacral ligaments & as a result isnt knocking all the other pelvic organs out of whack now.

For the first time in 3 years when I stand, I stand like my 29 year old self, everythings in its right place except my mind, though it is catching up.

The main point of this story is that its ok to not be ok. Only you can really try & piece together what has happened to contribute to feeling low & no one worth their salt will ever question your love for your child but its ok to be sad about a situation that is as a result of love.

Eloise

Professional shambles. Wife of one, mother of one.

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