What do you see when you look at my son?

Sophie Farrow - 19 Feb 19

Do you see a little shit? Do you see a naughty boy running circles around his parents? Do you even see a little boy getting away with murder? Or, perhaps you see a spoilt brat?

It has taken me five years to not give a shit what you think but I do care what Jake thinks.

Most of the time I don’t think Jake cares what anyone thinks because it is not in his bubble, his thought process, his concern or in his head to think that way but on the rare occasion he does ask he will always be told the same thing.

That he is not a naughty child. He is a kind, funny and loving boy with special powers to see the world in a different way, which to some is different and not many people like different.

You see, going back to the beginning when you see a little boy hitting and kicking his Mummy but minutes later, she is hugging him and saying everything is fine; what do you really think?

Be honest here. That he hasn’t been “punished” correctly? No telling off, or thinking chair or something he loves taken away from him, so he learns a lesson? That the mother dealt with it poorly and no wonder that little boy hits her, what does she expect? Are you thinking that?

I know you are because once upon a time I probably would have thought something like that too, as we are all programmed to parent a certain way and we are all taught what is right and what is wrong, so we teach our children the same.

But have you been there, in that mothers’ shoes, knowing exactly why she gave in so quickly and why she dealt with it that way?

From my experience, she was probably exhausted and done that eight times over already that day, she was probably hurting physically and mentally and couldn’t go through it all yet again. She knows no punishment works because her son doesn’t think that way or care if something is taken away from him. She was drained in every way possible that she has to deal with that, day in and day out, and she is coping the best way she can. And, maybe on the ninth time, her son finally said sorry which meant the world to her.

Trust me when I say we would never want our children to behave this way or chose this path we have been given but at the same time we wouldn’t change it for the world either; you see parenting doesn’t make any sense no matter who shoes you are standing in.

We know the difference between what correct behaviour is and what is not acceptable, and even if we receive a million disapproving looks or horrible comments from narrow-minded parents, we still can’t change the outcome.

We wish we could, but we can’t.

It is hard to stop judging or even having an opinion on something like I said it is human nature and we all do it, but maybe I could just ask one thing of you – please just pause for a second and think there might be more to what the eye can see. There is probably an invisible illness, a mental health condition, superpowers or a very worn-down Mother on the verge of seriously losing her shit right there in front of you and welcoming smile is a million more times more reassuring than a disapproving shake of the head.

He is my boy, who I wouldn’t change for the world and when you look hard enough or give the time to ask, he will let you into his magical world of colours, where believe me, can be a bloody good place to hang out!

Just give him a chance and he will give you one too.

Sophie Farrow

I am Sophie Farrow the founder of the Bad Mum magazine, blogger, writer and a Mum to my son. Bad Mum magazine represents the real bare face of parenting from real parents. The magazine includes guest posts, interviews, competitions and a lot more! If you would like to join in please contact me or just sit back, pour yourself a drink and have a good read.

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