What I have learnt about allergies

Elizabeth McShane - 29 Apr 17

Allergy is something that I never thought would happen to my children. It was something that happened to other people’s kids and I didn’t really understand how it could affect someone.

I hadn’t even heard of dairy allergy until I was pregnant and attending an anti-natal class, one of the women there told us how she didn’t breastfeed her eldest as he had a dairy allergy and had a specialist formula instead. I thought it sounded awful and felt grateful that I wouldn’t have to go through that as we had no family history of allergies.

Fast forward a few months and my first baby had arrived, my little boy who I adored. Then what happened in those early days nearly broke me.

My son was a colicky baby from very early on. He wouldn’t stay still when feeding, he would fuss and barely slept. This all became worse in the coming weeks and I remember cancelling meeting people as my precious bundle just didn’t stop crying. All day.

If I took him to a baby group people would comment on how much he cried or how unsettled he was, or compliment my friends on how settled their babies were ‘I can tell you are a really calm mother, as your baby is so chilled and happy’. It felt like a kick in the teeth, like I was doing something wrong. And for the record, if you have to listen to your baby cry that much every day it’s pretty tough to stay calm.

I could tell that my baby was exhausted but couldn’t sleep, he would constantly drop off then wake suddenly, arching his back with a pained expression on his face and once again cry. I took him to the doctors so many times only to be dismissed as an inexperienced first time mother. He had explosive nappies and I remember having days with him having at least five outfit changes due to the mess. It was the ongoing joke among my friends that at any group I attended I would be the one missing it due to changing my baby in the toilets or the corner of the room.

I felt like a failure.

His symptoms worsened. He started to develop eczema and his nappies turned green and then eventually bloody. Faced with a rather unhelpful GP who put my frequent visits down to me having an anxiety problem I did my own research. It sounded like allergy. I told my GP that I was going to cut dairy from my diet and his response was basically that he thought I was neglecting my child by restricting his diet through my breast milk. By this point it was 3 months in and I was a woman on the edge so we went private and I feel very lucky that we were able to.

We saw a paediatric consultant and the first thing he asked was that I cut dairy out of my diet as it sounded like a dairy allergy, and just like that I felt vindicated. I wasn’t crazy, it wasn’t just about inexperience, but most importantly I maybe had a way forward where my child could be happy and without pain and discomfort.

I gave up dairy that day and within a few days I started to see a different child. He was calmer, happier and his symptoms started to reduce. Within a few weeks I had an incredibly happy child who I started to get to know in a totally different way. I tried dairy free formula but he hated it and to me it smelt like rotten potatoes so I chose to keep breastfeeding but restrict my diet (though I totally understand why others keep it up with the formula). By the time I went back to the consultant my boy was thriving and I was so happy and relieved I could have kissed him. It was a challenge remaining dairy free myself but I did it for the next 10 months and it was another year before my son outgrew his allergy. We were lucky that he did. We thought we were free.

When I had my second child there were some allergy symptoms, mild eczema, reflux, difficulty sleeping. Turns out he too can’t tolerate dairy and this one has problems with soya too. But this time I know what I am doing and I trust myself. It is still stressful at times (I am the crazy looking lady sweeping up at someone else’s kids birthday in the hope he doesn’t put anything in his mouth) but it is manageable.

I have had great help from support groups that can be found online. Allergy mum’s really do do more research than the FBI and shared information on allergies and safe foods has been a saving grace. These groups have also made me realise that my family are the lucky ones. Some children are allergic to many different things and some have an anaphylactic reaction. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for the entire family to manage in terms of the practicalities and the stress.

Allergy parents I salute you! You should be applauded for what you cope with every day not mocked or belittled as attention seeking as you are by that minority of people who don’t understand or don’t care to. When people say ‘A little won’t hurt’ and you know it could mean anything from a sleepless night of a child in pain with stomach cramps, to days of sickness and diarrhoea, to a closed airway and an hospital visit I know that it is totally fear inducing. I see you in the free from isle at the supermarket or checking every ingredient on everything in the trolley, I see you bringing your own packed lunch everywhere, and I see you leaving the baby group early as you don’t want your kid to realise that they are missing out on the biscuit or milk that the kids are given at the end.

I see that you are driven by love. Keep on going, you are amazing.

Elizabeth McShane

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