What Kids Really Eat

Anniki Sommerville - 4 Apr 16

I was scrolling through my Instagram feed yesterday and suddenly felt a wave of panic. Do kids really eat kale, pumpkin seeds and quinoa? Do they demand spelt pancakes drizzled in manuka honey? Don’t they eat Shreddies and Pom-bears? Or fishfingers?  I know the ‘clean/green’ food movement is really popular right now but am I missing a trick?

Before I became a parent I had lofty ambitions in terms of the kinds of things I would serve up for dinner options. Everything would be green. It would be lightly steamed so as to retain all its vitamins. Just like Gwyneth I would use kale as my core ingredient and then rotate all the other ingredients around it. I loved the images in her cookbook. The healthy children. The perfect house in The Hamptons? (somewhere dead posh) I would be organic and pure and green.

But I would never consider marrying Chris Martin (he really is a terrible dancer don’t you think?)

But parenting is often a conflict between idealism and reality. If you’re operating on low sleep then soaking lentils in cold water for forty minutes feels like a fag. Ditto walking up and down the health food shop looking for tamarind and arugula. Who has time to put a substantial bone broth together? Isn’t that just the same as an Oxo cube? It’s like the bread book I purchased which recommended starting a sourdough yeast culture and leaving it for three months to get nice and fermented (or whatever the correct term is).  Don’t I just want a sandwich today? (and is Hovis really that bad?)

My daughter is a pretty good eater but her preferences are…how do I say it? Not imaginative. There are 2-3 things that she really enjoys and all these contain pasta. We have pasta pesto. Pasta and tomato sauce. Pasta and sausages. She also loves chips.She is actually not that different to me. I like pasta and chips too.  Am a bad parent because I introduced her to this TRASH? Is it my fault that she turns her nose up when I make quinoa (which is probably about once every 6 months when I see Gwyneth and her haunting eyes staring out from her cookbook). The trouble with quinoa is that it tastes AWFUL. You can add sesame seeds, turnips, chocolate, whatever. It’s like eating slightly damp cat litter.

Do you hear me Gwyneth? I don’t like quinoa and your ex-husband dances like a giant, rubber chicken.  What’s wrong with fish fingers and peas?

When I speak to other parents it seems pasta looms large on the REAL kids menu. Kale is never high up the charts. It’s too chewy. It’s one of those foods that goes in the mouth and is chewed and then spat back out again (my daughter does the same thing with carrots). I know you get those competitive parents who like to pull out some tofu, banana rock cakes but believe me, there’s Pom-bears lurking in their cupboard. And Rich tea biscuits. And I bet there’s some oven chips in the freezer too.

When I have playdate do I whip up courgette noodles and drizzle them with four day bone broth? Do I rub kimchi all over the plates?

‘What are you making for lunch?’ I hear the anxious parent ask, their brow furrowed as they worry that perhaps I’m going to force feed their kid spelt bread smothered in organic avocado.

‘Pasta pesto,’ I announce proudly.

‘Perfect,’ they sigh, content in the knowledge that all will be well and little Jools/Felix/Mairead won’t be spitting food everywhere and wailing.

Listen I’m not taking a pop at you if you’re busy right now hacking the heads off some fresh mackerel that you just picked from the organic fishmonger and cost nineteen quid. I salute you. This piece is driven by envy. You’ve not created a child addicted to pasta and chips. And when the grand ‘parenting judgement day’ finally happens, I will be harshly criticised.

But does anyone else think that Chris Martin’s dancing sucks?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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