What Kind Of Mum Are You At Christmas?

Anniki Sommerville - 9 Dec 15

I have a close friend who I love very dearly. But when it comes to Christmas she drives me nuts. I went over to see her recently and she’d constructed an incredibly beautiful, personalised ‘advent tree’. Each branch had an individually wrapped organic paper bag (with silk ribbon). Inside each bag was a little, thoughtful present for each of her three kids (each bag labelled with their name). I suddenly felt a wave of panic wash over me.

Why hadn’t I made a ‘beautiful advent tree calender with personalised gifts?’

Why hadn’t I even bought an advent calendar?

What kind of parent was I?

As I said, I love this friend and we go way back. I admire the effort she puts into everything and the fact she’s so creative with her approach. But what is it about Christmas that makes us want everything to be perfect?

With this in mind I’ve compiled a small summary of different types of ‘Christmas Mum’. Hopefully it will take the pressure off and convince you that you’re actually doing pretty great.

The ‘Kirsty Allsop’

This Mum starts thinking about Christmas in August. She assembles small bits of string, vintage Liberty fabric and glitter so she can get going on her hand-made presents and wrapping paper. She starts boiling up big pans of plums for her special Christmas compote. Then puts in an order for her organic goose. She soaks this goose in Manuka honey and sage for two days. She makes nativity figures out of marzipan and has iron willpower (i.e. they stay uneaten on the up-cycled cabinet until Boxing Day). She makes a nativity outfit for her daughter that takes two weeks to finish and makes every other parent feel bad as they push their kid to the stage wearing their Minions outfit bought at Tesco on special offer.

The ‘Free and Easy’

This Mum loves the idea of Christmas and is genuinely excited that it’s on its way. But she wants everything to be as stress-free and easy as possible. She buys all her presents on Amazon. Everyone will either get a DVD or a book. She also orders all her food online. But on Christmas Eve nothing has turned up. She ends up putting notes in all the Xmas cards saying ‘sorry about the present but I’ll pop round in the new year when it’s arrived.’ Then she feels bad and rushes to Westfield and buys everything in one mad splurge.

The ‘Prosecco-Dazed’

This Mum spends the whole period leading up to Christmas (from about the tenth of December) drunk. She has a bottle of prosecco in her fridge whenever friends come over. Every day is ‘fizz day’. She attends so many parties that she can’t remember where she is most of the time. She knows the name of every babysitter in the local area and pays them double so she can go out at the last minute. At the school fair she elects to be on the mince pie stand where she necks Baileys and pies. She wakes up each morning full of fear and anxiety but is usually drunk again by lunchtime so it’s all okay.

The ‘Christmas Is So Commercial These Days’

This Mum basically believes that Christmas is just one big marketing scam. She doesn’t like the fact that the adverts start being shown in October. She talks incessantly about the ‘good old days’ when children got ONE present and spent all day playing with it. She complains that all the TV is rubbish and nothing like it used to be. She insists on watching ‘The Two Ronnie’s’ special again even though everyone is bored to death of it. She says this year she won’t be buying any presents. In the end she concedes and buys everyone the same thing she bought them last year. She secretly loves the John Lewis ad and it makes her cry.

The ‘Social Media Fanatic’

This Mum is so busy updating her Facebook status and uploading photos of her Christmas on Instagram that she doesn’t have time to do anything else. At her parents house she waves her phone about looking for a signal. She has a bread sauce recipe but can’t access it. She forces everyone to take endless selfies of themselves eating dinner. She spends ages choosing the right filter. After a few drinks she reads all her friend’s updates aloud and puts on funny voices. She complains that they’re all dreadful show offs. She tweets a famous person and then worries that she can’t delete it because her phone’s lost signal. She vows to stop using social media as soon as January arrives.

The ‘Eternal Optimist’

This Mum really wants everything to go well. She has developed complete amnesia and approaches each festive season as a fresh slate. All she wants is for everyone to enjoy themselves (herself included). She believes this year will be different. Everyone will get along. There will be no obnoxious relatives. The presents will be perfect. The children will be delighted and won’t beg to watch TV or play with the IPad constantly. The meal will be just like something Nigella would pull together. She will wear a lovely dress and not tracksuit pants and an old sweatshirt. In essence this year will be the BEST CHRISTMAS OF ALL TIME.

So which one are you?

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

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