Can we stop being sarcastic about giving birth?

Simona Allen - 29 Aug 16

I’ll be honest: these days my social media timelines are less celebrity news and more baby news (blame my obsession for all things birth related for that!) and not a day goes by when I don’t stumble upon a blogpost talking about birth in a mock sarcastic and rather scary way.
Whilst the majority of these blog posts are quite innocuous and just “a bit of a laugh “, some of them have the potential to really make an expectant mums poo in her pants with fear.
It seems like birth is the new sex for us 30-something mums: birth sells, and ironic birth related posts are clicked, commented and shared in the thousands so I’m not surprised thy just keep on coming.
I’m sure you’ve come across the latest one by the blogger ‘Mummy Shambles’, that has listed the 20 things that mothers should know after they have ‘pushed the baby out’.
It is essentially the Argos catalogue equivalent of post birth ailments, enough to etch fear of giving birth into any woman’s mind.
I dread to think of the effect such a post could have on a pregnant woman’s morale, as she approaches of labour and birth.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I am not some perfect ‘sacred Mother Earth’ type woman who birthed in a stream to the sound of panpipes (though that would have been fun!). I had an assisted delivery and even an episiotomy, but would have such a blog helped me in the slightest before I had my baby?

The answer to that is a big, fat NO.

I love a good dose of cold hard realism any time of the day, but the scaremongering dressed as sarcasm when it comes to labour and birth has got to stop ladies.

Labour, whilst not a walk in the park, is a natural event in a woman’s life, and whilst some of us will end up needing a bit of a helping (surgeon) hand (like myself), we have got to remember that hey, we were made for this!
I get the fact you want to open pregnant women’s eyes to the reality of what becoming a mum really means: but just how is anyone going to benefit from the tale of the first poo after birth feeling like giving birth again?
For a starter, that ain’t true for everyone, in all honesty I was the one shit scared by these tales and being tensed and nervous, to the point of avoiding the loo for a whole week (causing myself constipation, TMI) and then what? It happened, and it was just any other old poo. Sorry ladies!
This is what I mean – ailments cannot be generalised: we all know how a common cold has some people feeling like death (hello, men in my life…) and some other people don’t even bat an eyelid.

We all have our own ideas for comfort and discomfort, hence why someone’s tale of discomfort is not necessarily helpful for me.

Ladies, if you want to help the sisterhood, please give us funny ‘recipes’ to try for those breastfeeding midnight munchies (think microwaved mug cakes) or the secret to baby sleep success (someone MUST have cracked that).

But please, offer positivity and real birth stories, and let’s remind ourselves that we are absolutely AWESOME for having the power to give birth to brand new human beings!

Simona Allen

Adopted Londoner, mum to a baby boy, City girl now turned hypnobirthing teacher with Hip Mama Hypnobirthing. I am a big believer that giving birth should be your greatest achievement and not your biggest fear. Partial to a cup of Earl Grey tea and a scone.

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