When a 1st birthday party gets out of hand

Anniki Sommerville - 16 Sep 14

It’s time for the first birthday party and despite plans to keep it small, intimate, just a couple of babies and a couple of Mums it’s suddenly escalated into an Elton John style extravaganza with 40+ people (not including kids), expectations of Ottolenghi style catering and a hundred quids worth of pom poms and bunting (bought online under the influence of three glasses of wine).

I know that my daughter will never remember this party. I know that it’s ridiculous. She’d really be perfectly happy sitting in the garden with a box of pegs and and an old boot. Or playing with the cat litter and putting it into little piles. And it’s not like I’m usually that worried about what people think about me. Okay I admit that I’ve edited my book shelves to make myself look more intellectual but who hasn’t? So why am I so worried about what others think of me? Who really cares? It’s a child’s birthday party!

Of course we’re excited because this is our first (and probably only) child. It took a long long time for her to finally come into our lives. And maybe that’s why it’s turned into such a big event. We have invited everybody we’ve ever known. And then quite a few people have invited themselves.  It just felt like it needed to be big.  Maybe it’s also because I’ve gone back to work this month and have that terrible anxiety- led stomach-churn when I drop her at the childminders (people have told me it goes away but I’m still waiting). It all makes for a perfect storm and I’m turning into Mumzilla.

I’ve become obsessed with the fact that we don’t have a proper ‘baby friendly zone’ and instead there’ll be babies toppling over all the rocks, cats, bushes and plastic recycling in the garden. And then if the weather is crap we’ll be stuck indoors and babies will be grabbing at the taxidermy ornaments I’ve got lined up in the front room and trying to put them in their tiny mouths (this taxidermy stuff seemed quirky and fun in our child-free days but are made up of old rusty pins and dead animals so do not provide good quality safe play pals).

How come my other friends have managed to be super inventive with their parties? One friend even had a giant paddling pool which she filled with toys so all the parents could sit about getting drunk in peace. We don’t have room for a giant paddling pool in the garden. And can I just emphasise that NOTHING IS SAFE IN OUR HOME DESPITE THE FACT WE HAVE A BABY. We don’t have stair gates. We don’t have safety catches. We tend to just get up and move stuff out the way whenever our daughter lunges towards it.

This is fine when you only have one (tiring but fine) but is obviously much harder if we’re talking multiple bubs. And there’ll also be older kids and we certainly don’t have anything like a trampoline or a swing to entertain them. I guess we have a TV. If all else fails I can showcase all my old episodes of Housewives of Beverly Hills that are waiting on the planner for a free afternoon. Anyway at this stage I’ve done all I can. What will be will be.

There will food. And drink. And there will be friends. It might be fun. Or there will be a terrible incident involving a child, some half chewed taxidermy and a visit to A&E. Certainly the one thing I’ve learnt about parenthood is the need to sometimes surrender to a higher force. Those middle of the night wake up calls where you just put your face in your hands and say I SURRENDER. You can’t control everything. You certainly can’t control a bunch of kids running wild in your home…

Or, can you?

By the time the 1st birthday party rolls around I’ve worried myself witless, but what do you know? It rocked! And, I’ve learnt a few key things about the world of children’s parties…

– As long as there’s loads of alcohol no one cares about the ‘baby safe zone’. In fact even when sober no one cares.

– The Muppets/ Lego DVD turned up full blast will keep older kids occupied for a limitless amount of time and stop them destroying your home (but some books will be ripped in two and there may be jelly babies massaged into the carpet)

– If you convince your sister to sing nursery rhymes on an acoustic guitar it can add a  nice ambience (and is cheaper than a professional entertainer)

– There will always be one set (or more) of parents who expect you to look after their kids because it’s your party. These kids will create havoc and the parents will really annoy the shit out of you. Make a mental note to never invite them again.

– And finally…all the stuff you worried about doesn’t really matter. Try and enjoy it.

Anniki Sommerville

I'm Super Editor here at SelfishMother.com and love reading all your fantastic posts and mulling over all the complexities of modern parenting. We have a fantastic and supportive community of writers here and I've learnt just how transformative and therapeutic writing can me. If you've had a bad day then write about it. If you've had a good day- do the same! You'll feel better just airing your thoughts and realising that no one has a master plan. I'm Mum to a daughter who's 3 and my passions are writing, reading and doing yoga (I love saying that but to be honest I'm no yogi).

View profile for posts, events and more info